I'm supposed to be 14 weeks pregnant today, and my doctor couldn't our baby's heart beat and so he sent us for an ultrasound and they found that our baby had stopped developing at around 8 - 9 weeks. I hadn't had any bleeding or anything since then. So i have had a dead baby inside me for at least 5 weeks! *Shudder*
I just don't know anyone who has had this happen to them! I need help, my husband and I are really hurting...
Any words of advice!
I have been scheduled for a D & C tomorrow afternoon, so thats taken care of!
2006-07-25 15:38:10 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
This did happen to me, I found out at 12 weeks with my first pregnancy that the baby hadn't developed since about 6 weeks. Then I had to wait about 2 more weeks for my body to realize the baby was not growing and miscarry.
My heart goes out to you.
Please go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/pamsupport/ and sign up - though you might not be able to talk about it right after the D&C, you'll need support. All of us on the group have experienced this loss and would be willing to talk. I personally went into a depression after my miscarriage and wound up having to take antidepressants for a short time. All they did was to let me get enough control of myself to start the grieving process. Don't try and just go on - do grieve for your baby. You should also mark http://www.hopexchange.com/ and visit it at some point.
People are going to say things that they mean to comfort you but will sound horrible - I dreaded hearing the phrase "It was G-d's will." Eventually I stopped talking about losing the baby to people who couldn't possibly understand. It does help me a bit now to talk to other mums who are grieving their babies, though.
The worst thing is that the surgery feels like it should just be over, but don't just try to get on without grieving your baby. Plant a tree for your baby, or make a little place just to remember it.
Not to scare you, but you should also know that some research indicates the three to four month period after a miscarriage may be very fertile. The beautiful baby boy I just had was accidentally conceived about three months after I lost my first baby - I had two normal periods then they stopped. That's scary because I had only just stopped the antidepressants and could just as easily have been on them. So you may wish to talk to your doctor about birth control.
Know your husband will also be grieving, and I think it can be harder for men. He'll also be very concerned about you, and not necessarily know how to show it. You or he may also be tempted to bury yourself in work to cope - this may work short-term, but then you will regret it later. Try to support each other, and don't be afraid to cry around him.
Know that miscarriages are not your fault, they happen and unfortunately you can seldom get an answer as to the reason why. I send you my hopes that your hearts will heal.
Somewhere I heard that when your heart is broken it heals with more room inside to hold both the love you felt and the love you will feel in the future. I hope this is true for you. You will not forget this precious baby that couldn't come into the world, even if you have forty more. Blessed be, and my thoughts are with you.
2006-07-25 16:18:47 · answer #1 · answered by Fed_UP_with_work. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I you two have religious beliefs I would suggest meditating and praying with her. That is the only thing that can help a situation like this ... a higher power. God will listen and touch her and comfort her. At this time words are going to be difficult, but don't feel bad. Anyone in your position would have a hard time figuring out what to say. In this case I am not sure there is anything that you could say to really make her feel better other than to let her know that you are there for her in anyway possible.. but I still think prayer is your best bet.
2016-03-26 22:22:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss. I have had 5 miscarriages, so I think I can understand some of what you are going through. Although my situations were not the same, my cousin had this happen to her at 10 weeks. She also had a DC and went on to have 2 beautiful children. Allow yourself time to grieve and do not let anyone rush you. I found it helpful to share with my husband all of the things that I had wanted for each of the children that I lost and we talked about what we thought each child would have been like. You just have to find what works for you and move on only when you are ready to do so. You are in my thoughts and prayers!
2006-07-25 15:43:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That happened to my older sister last november....... I know how she felt and I can imagine what you're going through........I'm very sorry. Try to go to counseling and keep all your appointment and see what happens. It could also be that you may have twins adn that is why you're still having signs of pregnancy. That happened to my mother. Sometimes twins will hide behind one another and it's hard to see them for a while. If that's the case good luck but no matter what I'm still very sorry for your loss and I hope everything works out ok.
2006-07-25 15:53:37 · answer #4 · answered by Cutie_wit_a_booty_08 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. I have had this happen to 2 family members. My aunt was 12 weeks but the baby stopped growing at about 8 weeks. I wish you luck.
2006-07-25 16:09:36 · answer #5 · answered by K L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you need d&c. I carried my first baby till 7 months. She was stillborn. I think it was 3 days till she was born. They did not give me the d&c then. It was hard for me to pregnant and another Doctor gave me d&c i got pregnant 6 months later. It is hard to deal with losing my child she was a pretty little girl. You and your husband dneed to be there for each other. Find other people to talk with or a preacher. It helped me when I had another child. Hope all goes well for you. My heart aches with you, and will say a prayer for you both.
2006-07-25 15:55:59 · answer #6 · answered by jingles_200 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best advice I can offer you is please support each other in this very hard time for you. My Aunt had a similar situation. She was 5 months pregnant and the baby stopped developing and died. She had to deliver the baby. It was very hard on both her and her husband and they wound up divorcing because they didn't support one another. So please stick together and grieve for your loss. You may also want to go to a counselor or therapist . I am so very sorry for your loss.
2006-07-25 15:45:59 · answer #7 · answered by miss_nikki214 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SORRY to hear your lose. I had a still born in 97. There are probably no words that can help you right now. Yet, remember this there is a reason for everything. I know you can never replace that one yet god will bless you with another. It just wasn't the time. God Bless you and take care.
2006-07-25 15:49:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry to hear that. I have heard of it happening before and really sorry that you guys had to go through that. I do not know how you feel about it but cousiling may help just so that you guys can find a way to get through this tough time. I hope things get better and agian I feel very very sorry for you.
2006-07-25 15:42:53 · answer #9 · answered by Mommy2Be 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes u being have your baby in your stomach for 8 to 9 week with out know that u baby was dead , i am very sorry to heard this , my heart go to u and your heart ,
2006-07-25 15:43:37 · answer #10 · answered by angel h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋