What would you do with a 14 year old boy that just does what he wants when he wants and lies and lies???

Question

My son is going to make me insane. My husband and I are fair with him and punish him when he does things to get in trouble, but he doesn't obey the punishments. He has a wicked temper and likes to raise his voice alot and thinks that we are always picking on him. Is this normal for this age or what? I can't take anymore. Here's an example....He got a $500 fine for mooning one of his friends in the park (long story) and so we told him he needed to get a job. Well, I took him around to get a job, now don't forget he's only 14. So he got one as a dishwasher at a local restaraunt. Well, he worked there for 3 days and told the owner that he was quitting because he got another job that paid more. No he didn't! He lied. Now he is jobless. I'm at my wits end. We've done everything just shy of kicking him out of the house and killing him. Any suggestions??????

Answer 1

DO NOT PUT HIM ON ADD MEDICATION! For Pete's sake. ADD is so over diagnosed it is disgusting. There is not a pill cure for everything.

Now, to answer your question...

He is going through puberty and his brain is also going through some structural changes right now. However, that is NO EXCUSE what so ever for this extreme behavior. He is pushing and will continue to do so because you and your husband have not found "anything to do with him." He knows that. He knows that there is nothing you can do really. But, what he doesn't know is you are on Yahoo! Answers and people here are training to be family counselors! Here is what you should try:

1. You and your husband sit him down on the couch and calmly, seriously, and without any emotion tell him exactly what you expect of him. Tell him that things will be changing around there from this second forward.

2. When he mouths off, lies, or something like that, start taking things out of his room (TV, Radio, Cell Phone, etc.) Tell him that you will take it to Salvation Army or where ever if he gives you any crap. And if he does, then DO IT. DON'T BS him. Stick to your guns. Take everything including the bed if you have to.

(I estimate that when that occurs, he will fly into a rage or something like that. If he yells, ignore him and calmly walk away. Say nothing at all. He will follow you and keep at it. Go into your bedroom, lock the door and blare your music (a bit of reverse Psychology here).

3. Since he won't keep a job, YOU CANNOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY OR BUY HIM ANYTHING. He doesn't know the sense of money, yet, but he is going to have to learn. Tell him that if he wants something for now on he will have to buy it himself. He wants to act like a big boy so treat him like one.

4. If he is a violent person, explain to him that if he engages in any violent act whatsoever, you will call the police. Tell him in the same calm, serious, non-emotional voice that you should use when laying the ground rules. Again, if he does something violent, call the cops. STICK TO YOUR GUNS.

5. You should, no matter what, see a professional therapist in your area to get some additional insight and help.

I think you see what I'm getting at here.

I hope that this helps!

Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 2

We actually had one of our sons arrested when we found marjuana in his room AGAIN. The police are very accomodating and are willing to help you scare the h*ll out of your kids while they are underage. They cuffed him, took him to the patrol car and gave him a taste of what it would be like for real if he was over 18 and was caught for possession. We also sent him to "Outward Bound" where the kids have a VERY challenging boot camp experience. It teaches them how really tough tough can be and how comparatively "soft" they are and how soft their life has been. I think the "trick" is to draw a line in the sand and REALLY BE READY to impose the consequences you are threatening whatever those consequences are. Don't kill him, but you really may have to throw him out of the house. He will probably not die on the streets, but he must know that once he goes he will NOT be readmitted until he abides by the rules of the people (you) who pay the bills at your home and maintain it. A couple of centuries ago, he would have been apprenticed out by now learning a trade. In another couple of years he would have been married and have kids of his own to drive him crazy. His age is such a tough time. I know. We raised 7 and at one time 5 of them were teenagers. You will be perhaps glad to hear that they are now all happy, well balanced productive adults, most married with kids of their own. Nobody died on the streets and we were WAY hard on several of them. We didn't have the luxury of tolerating much disruptive behavior from any one kid. It's YOUR life. They are just passengers until they have their own lives. It's not your job to accomodate them.

Answer 3

Being the parents, you are the bosses. Let him know it. Bootcamp sounds like a good idea or maybe a counselor, for all of you. Possibly no TV, cell phones, iPods, stayin over with friends, holding out on his driver's license till he's 18. Don't beat the kid, but let him know your the boss and from this moment on you will not put up with his antics. Kids aren't born demons and I think, in a lot of cases, they want to do the right thing, but they need direction from you, their parents and others around them. Let him know you won't put up with it, his actions are not acceptable and if he doesn't streighten up and fly right, he will pay the consequences.

Answer 4

Seek parenting classes and pay attention to what the instructor says. You clearly need to pick up some skills. People in general seek pleasure and avoid pain. Your son is no different.

Answer 5

Get him counseling. Take him to church. He may have a medical problem. I think 14 is way to young to work, except around the house with chores. Get him checked out with a psychologist..

Answer 6

Get him some anger management before it is too late and get some parenting classes for you and hubby.
I am not being smart, I am trying to help.
Seems he is already on the edge.
Good luck.

Answer 7

apologize to him for making too big of a deal over childish pranks. Then talk to him in a normal tone so that he LEARNS not to copy your usual tones.
Treat him as YOUR CHILD, not as an enemy. Sounds like mom and dad against a child.

Answer 8

Family court, or juvy. Myself, I would slap him across the face, hard, or get him a girlfriend to put him in place.

Answer 9

seek couseling....its possible that your son has what is called Conduct disorder and unfortunatly most children that suffer from conduct disorder suffer antisocial personality disorder as adults

Answer 10

Call "Shalom in the home" and see if you can get on the show.