Three months before our wedding my husband lost his job. I didn't marry him for his money, but two years and two kids later he still doesn't have a job. I've been working the whole time even when I was pregnant, putting in 60+ hrs per wk. I currently pay ALL the bills and buy all the baby items and our food and clothes. I try to talk to him about it but it turns into an argument. I feel like I'm a single mother. As soon as I come home from work he takes the car(that I pay for)and go runs the streets. I want him to take care of me for a change. After my last child I had to go back to work after three weeks. I still had my stiches. Most husbands wouldn't let their wives do that, but not mines. He just takes and takes. I don't have a life I don't have any friends. All my money goes towards household expenses so I never get new clothesor go get my hair done. He claims he wants to fget a job but I think helikes it this way. When he is at home all he wants to do is have sex. What can I do?
2006-07-25 13:36:33 · 17 answers · asked by cyw 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to tell him that it is YOUR WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!!!! He needs to get a job and start supporting the children that he helped conceive. You deserve so much better. I would pack up his stuff while he's out, put it on the front step, have a friend take you to wherever he went and bring the car home or to another safe place, and lock the doors. When he comes home, tell him he can come back when he has a job. If he doesn't get a job and start treating you better, get yourself a better man. You deserve it girl!!!!..
2006-07-25 13:42:38 · answer #1 · answered by daddysnurse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can 'make' anyone do anything. This relationship looks doomed from the start. He lost his job, was a bum for three months...and you still blindly married him.
I put the blame all on you. (now this will be harsh and mean, so if you are too soft just stop reading now)
You married a bum. I can't even imagine not having a job for three months(not that I want to work). To keep my self in even the most basic stuff, like bread and water, I need a couple hundred a week. And that's just me. I'd need three times that if i had a wife and family. I'd have at least two cheap easy jobs the day after I lost my job, just to bring in some cash.
Yet, he simply sat around and 'looked' for a job. Even if he was getting unemployment, he still should have gotten a real job right away.
And you still married him, a bum. And then...several years later, you finally whine and complain. Why not say something a couple years ago? Something like 'I'm not gonna live my life with a worth less bum'. But then you 'love' him, right. So thousands of nice guys are single and lonely, but your rat skum of a husband has you every night. You made your bed, now suffer in it.......
2006-07-25 20:48:04 · answer #2 · answered by null_the_living_darkness 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a 50/50 thing. In this day and age both need to help financially. The days of 'mom stays home and takes care of kids' is over. Unless you have married into money, which is rare. However, if you do not feel special, ya might want to look further into your future. If he does not make you feel special to him, then you are not special to him. You should not be supporting him at all. Ya need to take a stand here. You do not have a good man. Any man who would let their wife do all the work, is not a man. He married his mother. Which could be what he was looking for to begin with. There have been two men in my life that as soon as we got involved heavy, they quit their job. Claiming they just weren't happy, but were perfectly happy with 'looking for another job' while I paid all the bills. hahahaha.. I put that in my 'lessons of life' chapter 13.
2006-07-25 22:11:13 · answer #3 · answered by tootsie45414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I don't know you or your husband, but this is just a theory. It is possible that he has been out of work now for so long, and has had to deal with you being the primary earner, that he feels worthless and like a loser. This then becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy and he actually ends up being a loser. I think the worst thing you could do is to call him a loser or reiterate all of the things he already feels bad about, like not having a job or supporting you.
If there is some way you could sit down with him and have a serious talk. Maybe you could try to build up his confidence a bit and say, "I know that you've been trying to get a job now for a while, and I don't mind helping out, but I just think you're so great and so capable of doing something and this stupid job world is so dumb to pass you up... maybe until they come around you could think about getting some crappy job just to help us make ends meet. You can at least pull in some money until a better jobs comes up, and something will come up soon, but until then it would help us." See he might just feel useless, like there's nothing he can do, but if you give him, in a very encouraging way, something specific that he can do to help, or even save the family, like he is the hero now instead of the loser who had to get some crappy job with his tail between his legs, then he'll be more receptive to the idea. Ahh.. the psychology of men...
Good luck!
2006-07-25 20:47:15 · answer #4 · answered by Stephanie S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On a night he goes out, pack the kids in the car and go to mothers house.. have all the utilities turned off and no food in house.. Leave a note that says he is now responsible for providing and taking care of the house & you will not return until he does.. This will take alot of doing and planning and everything you have inside you to do this. He'll get the pic fast... If he does come through.. take your time going back, let him know you mean business! good luck!!
2006-07-26 00:15:24 · answer #5 · answered by cinsaint1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you have kids it is not a good thing for them to think that his behavior is okay. For example, if you have daughters you don't want them growing up thinking that this is what a relationship has to offer, her working and working and the man going out all the time and not contributing. If you have sons you don't want them to grow up and be deadbeat dads or husbands. My advice to you is separate from him. Make him realize that if things don't change, and be specific about what changes you want made, that he can't come back to you. For instance tell him you want him to have a job and hold a job for x amount of time and at the same time you want him to care for the children every other weekend so you can have some time for yourself and get to know other mothers, not to go out to the bars or anything like that, just to be able to talk to other adults. I know that I had threatened my husband to shape up and left for a night with my daughter and told him I didn't NEED him and if he wanted anything to do with me and his daughter then he needed to do this and that. Well since then things have changed dramatically. I hope everything works out and if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to contact me.
2006-07-25 20:44:37 · answer #6 · answered by Young Mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
baby girl what do you really need him for he showed you when you had to hurry back to work after the baby he didnt give a rats as- you give give and this worthless piece of s-h-i-t take and take you need to end that good thing now dont let no one use you he either get up and get a job are he get the hell out out would be my choice how are you in your right mind i would have lost mines way before now i am angry and its not me i hate to see a able body man use a woman i want stand for it i can do bad by myself i dont need no help doing bad you might attract a man who would help you and the kids if his good for nothing as- wasnt there cock blocking put him out to the curb when you put the trash out hes got to go hit his as- for child support if he threathing to you go to the police you and kids deserve much better get your hair done get your nails done its your money you worked for you have earned that right GOD BLESS
2006-07-25 21:01:54 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like ultimatum time...get a job or get out. Course you may want to seek counseling to understand why he isn't working. Maybe he wants to stay home and be Mr. Mom. If that is the case, he needs to understand that when you get home, it does not mean playtime for him.
2006-07-25 20:43:47 · answer #8 · answered by vato_loco_in_Texas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is he depressed? when you're depressed job hunting just seems impossible so he might have given up. does he take care of the children at least? cause that can be a job on its own. if he doesnt.. then you need to drop him. im sorry but a hard working woman like you needs someone who realizes your struggle and is willing to help you. not just sit there. you've been providing for yourself and your kids. you can leave until he straightens himself up.. or leave for good.
man your situation reminds me of that song fast car by tracy chapman :O:O.. somewhat
2006-07-25 20:43:20 · answer #9 · answered by NAQ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a free ride for him... youve been taking care of him so why would he get a job now? if i were you, id give him an option (not ultimatum) to either find a job and help out or your quitting your job too.. you wont work unless he does. or he can always leave. yeah its gonna be hard if he leaves but gee--- its gotta suck for you now living with a bum... be independant for awhile and show your kids you HAVE to work in life...
2006-07-25 20:49:13 · answer #10 · answered by heavensent41770 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋