what would you do?

Question

My girlfriend cassandra o was in here asking questions. In some of her questions she was asking she put some information that i felt was a disrespect. In those few questions she asked she put my personal and intimate things about me. I feel she disrespected me big time and I'm through with her. Question: how would you feel

Answer 1

I went back and read some of your posts and hers. You revealed some personal info about her (talking about her sexual past), and she revealed some personal info about you. Seems about even.

Assuming that you're not one and the same person trolling for attention by simulating a lovers' spat in a public place (it happens), then you two probably need to sit down and figure out some rules. If you two are both going to come to Yahoo!Answers and talk about relationships and sex, then you two need to work out some ground rules about what's too personal to reveal on a public Internet forum.

As for the jealousy problem, you can work with her on it or you can dump her over it. A bad case of unfounded jealousy makes the woman look like a nut case and is usually good cause for a guy to run away screaming.

If you want to work with her on it, then you could go into counseling. Or you could try boosting her self-esteem more so that she doesn't focus on you so much. For example, you could talk her into buying some really hot clothes, take her out to the clubs, and let her be the center of attention. Let her feel attractive and desired, and not just by you. Let the other guys drool over her too.

My current wife had a streak of jealousy in her. She always went for good-looking husbands, and her first husband cheated on her and her second husband was a ladies man (but probably didn't cheat on her). With me, I could see her fighting the jealousy a bit. She's a stay-at-home wife, and I'm downtown all day, and I could see her having doubts whenever I had to stay late at the office. Eventually she started complaining that she was stuck in the home all day and I didn't take her out enough, and she asked if I was ashamed to take her out. So I talked her into buying some nice clothes, revived my old ballroom dancing skills and taught her some steps, and we started going out ballroom dancing. I encourage her to look hot, dance with other men, and feel like a queen. I also ask her to dress up, come downtown, and participate in social events down here. I also pushed her to join some women's social groups, and now she does some traveling around the country and partying with the other women, which is fine with me.

Her self-esteem has improved considerably, the sex between us is better in bed because she genuinely feels sexy and desirable, the jealousy is gone because she has a life of her own and doesn't need to be fretting about what I might be doing (because she could do it herself if she really wanted), and meantime we have a blast hitting the ballrooms and clubs and strutting our stuff a couple nights a week.

I don't know if that's proper psychological therapy or not (I'm not a shrink). But if you want to stay with your girlfriend and work on the relationship, you might try what I did. Put her in the spotlight, treat her like a queen, and let her feel sexy to the entire world and not just to you. And don't worry about whether or not she's disrespecting you by the things she does. A queen has a right to show a little disrespect to the king. If she screws up and takes the disrespect too far, let it pass. Tell her you would appreciate it if some things remain private, and then drop it. The main thing is to let her have some real fun. If the relationship is fun and it builds her self-esteem and makes her feel good about herself, she'll make her way back to you of her own accord. You won't need to worry about keeping a leash on her or punishing her for disrespect. Just take the spotlight off yourself and put it on her for a while. She'll quit worrying so much about what you're doing all the time, and she'll grow up her own way and find her own self-confidence without you having to follow her around and punish her for saying the wrong things about you.

Just my two cents. Do whatever you think best. Good luck!

Answer 2

I, too, looked at some previous questions from both of you and the only thing I can say is that you two need to start talking TO each other, not about each other.

Answer 3

i would feel betrayed. even if she was under a username, she should have known that you or your close friends could have discovered these questions(like you said you did). if she has to ask complete strangers questions about your personal relationship, she was not worth it. she could have also been telling other people, in person.
i think you did the right thing.

Answer 4

Lucky for you, nobody would know the difference. Maybe she needed advice and was trying to get it from a neutral party. It's hard to answer your question when I don't know what she said. I wouln't overreact if I were you, but I am only guessing about what she said.

Answer 5

if you remain anonymous you are protected. but i can see how it would feel like a violation of the trust you have between you .... like why doesn't she just ask you? is she afraid you'll get angry? just like the reaction you had here?

personally i do not want to communicate with others who blow up when i ask a question about our relationship. but i also need my privacy respected.

Answer 6

yeah i saw the one about your **** size and she also said your name so i was a tad bit confused with that cause its really something you don't tell the whole world about. And what i would do is tell her because she really shouldn't of asked that question on this internet question site.

Answer 7

It would bother me that my mate feels like they have to get advice from total strangers about me, whom they hardly know. I think you did the best thing by leaving her alone.

Answer 8

It wouldn't bother me. Unless she stated your name, or possibly hers, it's totally anonymous. Get over it.