This is a very serious subject and i need true and preferable adult advise!?

Question

I met a person who is a pathetic liar...and i really need someone's help!I tried talking to my parents but they believe i am over reacting and because i am only 18 they think that i can't undertsand what is happening..please help me by posting some links of sites of that matter...and if u ever met a person like that how did u handle him or her!
Thank u in advance,sorry for any spelling or typing mistakes!

this person is a friend of mine...and because he helped me in a very difficult time of my life i need and i want to help him!

Answer 1

The biggest issue here is your parents and their discounting your thoughts. You don't outline the relationship between this person that lies and your parents, but I'd imagine they have a close relationship and they are trying to keep the image of that person intact.

Depending on what the lies are about, I'd say the best course is to avoid the person and not discuss them with your parents. If they are a person that you must resolve the issues then you can only state your feelings and hope they are respected.

If they are not, then you must learn to deal and avoid the situation to keep your self esteem intact.

Answer 2

Telling someone they are a liar when they consistently lie doesn't work. They only believe what they think is the truth. His life has probably been like that for a while and to change it will take a lot of time.
Do not challenge him but ask him where he heard it and investigate together. You will find out that association with it and truth seeking(if possible) works well.I have had friends also that seemed to live in another world. Mostly the lies came from low self-esteem. When ever he states something that is true you have to reinforce it to him that it is good to tell the truth.
Hope it helps.

Answer 3

Sometimes, the lie is greater than the reality.

I appreciate that you honor your friendship by not disclosing the specifics and by your attempt to help the person the way they helped you.

Now, I have met many people that feel they have the need to hide behind lies because thier reality, or perspective of reality, doesn't support the person they want to be. Because you didn't mention that these lies are causing any malice to you, or anyone else, I am going to speculate that the persons lies are about the person themself. Boasting things about themself that aren't true. Or, creating make believe issues that never occured.

As a general rule, this person's esteem is probably very low. A person like this wants you to view them in the light that is either trying to win your support, and/or impress you because they feel that what they are isn't as flattering, or doesn't create enough attention to themself.

To the most part, you can't change anyone. You can only change yourself. The person in question will have to choose to stop lying. Somethings you can do to stave the lies is to question the person about things that you know are true. I mean as in redirect the fabled conversations to conversations that are about the present, or about things you do know as truth. Don't play into the fabled conversation as playing into this type of conversation is only supportive of the lies. When that person starts telling you a lie, or you aren't sure, just tell the person something like, "Un huh... So, what are we are our plans for tonight?"

Take control of the conversation and redirect it towards positive conversation. And, let the person choose the path from there.

It is one thing to be greatful of ones generosity, but it is another to take responcibility of that persons actions, or choices.

Answer 4

Pathologial lying, or compulsive lying is extremely tough on the people around the "lyer". I was involved with a man who had this problem and it was 6 months of living hell, let me tell you! Every time he'd tell me something that seemed outrageous i'd call him on it and accuse him of lying, he'd prove to me that he was actually telling the truth. But then he'd turn around and tell me something small, that would be easily proved or disproved and you would not think it was a lie, come to find out it would be. I never knew what was truth or lies and it got to the point i thought i was crazy or paranoid for never believing anything.
With help, a complusive lier can sometimes change and stop the cycle of lies, but usually the compulsive lying comes along with other disorders since pathological lying in and of it's self is not a recognized disorder. Lying can accompony anything from adhd to antisocial personality disorder (from the shreds of evidence i've heard from him, this is what i've peiced together that he had had). So unless the underlying disorder is treated and help is sought for the lying as well, there is nothing stopping this person from lying the rest of their life. I don't know what your relationship is with this person, but if you can i would suggest that you put yourself as far away from them as possible. You can not help them, only a professional can and to seek professional help must be their decision. Do not allow anyone else to disrupt your life with thier problems, you'll have enough of your own!
i've pasted some links to sites that explain this phenomenon better than i can.

Answer 5

I don't have any links on the subject however, can relate. I had a friend who lied about everything from being casted in the next "spiderman" movie to being a camera man for "jackass" the best way to handle this is to start with knowing some facts about the issues they lie about. Then when they lie, proceed to ask for details, specific details. See, Liars like that can only cover the basics of the lie upfront. however the more details needed for their lie the more outlandish the story becomes. They panic and it starts to unravel pretty quick. Once you have done this enough times in front of them, they will realise that they can't lie to you. the "rush" will not be fufilled.

Answer 6

The best thing you can do for him is to be honest & direct. You can make comments, such as "wow, I'm having a hard time believing that" -- but maybe before he even opens his mouth when you think a lie is on the horizon, why not say to him something like -- "you know i'm your friend, and you don't have to pretend with me -- you don't have to impress me, or be someone that you think i want you to be. i'm having a hard time believing some of the things you're telling me, and i think it's important, because nothing would hurt me more than to know that you are lying to me when I've told you I'd accept your honesty, no matter how difficult it is to hear. So, you don't have to tell me what was accurate, and what was not - but from here on out, lets start with a clean slate" good luck

Answer 7

well, first of all there are two types of liars: the liars that know they're liars - they actually just tend to embelish the truth. and then the pathological liar who believes his or her own hype and actually cannot tell the truth for various reasons. i once dated a pathological liar - he would tell the most outrageous lies constantly... he used to claim he had been: a golden gloves boxer, a tattoo artist, a choreographer, a teacher of bass guitar, a model. he also had plans to move to australia, japan, africa, sweden. he was completely entrenched in his own crap. eventually, you can only take so much so my way of handling it at the time was to call him on everything, make sure he knows that i know he's completely fabricating information - i usually did it with a sense of humour but directness. then i broke up with him. your friend may just have insecurities or it could be a very serious mental condition. good luck.

Answer 8

I am not a shrink, but I have known many liars in my day. Try to figure out what the secondary gain is from the lie. Some people actually believe their lies. I hope you can get help for this person. Good luck in getting your parents to believe you, also.

Answer 9

Well, before we can give you any useful advice, I think that we need to know more. Who is this person? How do you know he is lying? And most important, what kind of a relationship do you have with him? Is he just an acquaintance, a coworker, your new boss, a friend of a friend, someone in the family, or someone who is romantically involved with you?

In general, with liars, if you know they lie, then just stop trusting them and simply ignore them. Make sure that others know that you think he is lying and make sure that the other person himself knows that you think he is a liar.

Say it to his face that he is a liar and you want nothing with him. You don't trust him.

If he starts lying to you and you think he is lying, expose him and embarass him in front of others. Maybe then your parents will believe you too.

And then see what happens!

Answer 10

I know you apologised for spelling errors, but pathetic is a long step from pathological. Sorry, I have a pinch of OCD.
That being said, I second what most people have said, and add that you should just use Google. Duh. There are links to the Mental Illness Center (or whatever it's called) with actual doctors that publish their work online, and not just a bunch of incompetent jerk-offs that think they know everything about anything.