what do you think of this poem that i wrote? i'm thinking that it is rather lame, but i just don't know...?

Question

BE HONEST.

Diluted tears flow down the drain,
Visons of you,
They cloud my brain.
How could you leave?
I can’t believe,
That you would
Just. Go.
How could you be so low?
Low as to leave me,
Tho I said “please believe me”
When I said it won’t last forever.
But you just acted like
We were never together.
At all.
And you just watched me fall.
Fall into myself,
Fall into the walls I built around me,
So boys like you could never find me.
And I watched as you walked away,
Thinking that every princess has her day
Where her white knight will come and find her
Knocking down the walls beside her.
Telling her that things are going to be okay.
And so I wait here,
With my world crashing down around me;
Waiting for that day.

Answer 1

that is really a good poem kiddo. You need to keep up the good work!

Answer 2

I like it, I really do, enter it in some of those Poetry sites online (don't compare these rich words you wrote to someone else's it's unique so the more you try to get it published the better your chances), and they'll publish it for you and get you some recognition and some even have cash prizes. (had a family member and a friend get published at http://www.poetry.com/

It's a great poem. It's a bit poignant, seems like it's coming from a more adolescent or teen-angst view rather than older adult view of love, but that is the true BEAUTY of it, it's part it's assets. You should start keeping your poetries in a journal or saving them on a CD so you have a backup copy. Then you can publish a book of them someday.

Answer 3

You seem like the next Emily Dickinson. Great poem!

Answer 4

I think it's cool.Have you written this because of a heartbreak?That's how I see it.Correct me if I'm wrong but I think most people write this type of poems when they're down.

Answer 5

I like the metaphoric style. Try your hand at some uplifting subjects as well.