I know its hard, but I was taught marriage is the opportunity to give - unconditionally...why do people...?

Question

use marriage seeking to get love or self-worth or appreciation or money out of it for themselves? Isn't that a little self-centered and selfish? If you give, you also receive...at least in my marraige. So many people break-up (even with kids) because one doesn't think there getting what they should out of a marriage. In my experience, that's usually because there were alot of expectations, and very little giving or helping. Personally, I think these folk have it backwards, and probably were too immature to get married in the first place. It's a shame really. What are your thoughts?

By the way...were celebrating our 20th anniversary in a week...yes...happily married :-)

Answer 1

Congrats on your marriage longevity. I agree totally on your ideas. Todays youth is getting married earlier and so inmature. We are a product of our environment, when we grew up we learned things didnt come easy and you had to work for them, and be in no hurry to get married, finish college first ,etc. But then we had dad working and mom home thus instilling in us family values and morals handed down thru generations, but today, we have dual income families with latch key kids growing up with no or little adult supervision and teachings. Thus the decline of family and family values/morals. Families are growing up learning the more money you have the more you have. They know as singles, its way too hard to make, so they join up with a partner for financial reasons either living together or marriage and possibly a life like mom and dad had. Somewhere along the way they were promised a cinderella life, and when reality sets in, and cinderella turns into beauty and the beast, life takes a down turn and up goes the rates of spousal abuse, domestic fights, and break ups/divorces instead of digging in and fighting for their dreams. This all relates into a "dont care" attitude and the decline of family as we once knew it and grew up with. Unfortunately, it doesnt look like its going to get any better anytime soon.

Answer 2

Well I think you got it right. Marriage is a journey with its ups and downs. The only way to get through the downs is to comprimise. I think people have a very hard time comprimising their beliefs because i general we are self-centered and selfish by nature. You have to learn to let go of your pride . I believe it is okay to go into marriage with high expectations as long as those expectations were made clear before marriage and you are willing to give as much as you are expecting to receive. Also, it is very clear that people are getting married at a much too immature biological apparatus due to the overwhelming facts that 1 out of 2 marriages fail. Once things get tough people bail out because that is easy. I am sure in your twenty years of marriage ( congratulations by the way) there were times when it was very tough and that it seemed easier to leave than work it out. The thing that you two had that the others getting divorced dont is true love. If you truely love the person your with then there is nothing that will keep the two of you apart.

Answer 3

Yes that is self centered and selfish. It is a shame that more people take marriage so lightly. I truly believed when I got married it would be forever. I am currently separated but hope that my husband and I can find what we shared and be back home together. I congratulate you on 20 years of marriage you both sound like wonderful people. I do think your right about people having expectations of one another and that could definitley be the demise of the marriage.

Dawn

Answer 4

Honestly I personally don't believe in getting married. I feel that it's only a piece of paper. Why do I need to get married to symbolize that I love someone and he is the one. Why do I need to get married to justify my love for my partner? Most married couples 8/10 get a divorce between the years of 5-10 years of marriage. In my opinion marraige isn't taken seriously anymore...breaking up is like changing underwear for most married couples.

I'm 26 years old and honestly wouldn't get married....I would live with someone and be happy but seriously I don't have a good reason of getting married...even if I fell in love....I think Marriage is overated.
Just my two cents. =)

Answer 5

I think you are correct. Before marriage people need to let the other person know about their expectations during the marriage. The old saying goes it takes two to be married and those two have to give 100% not just 50%. Congratulations on 20 years.

Answer 6

i think its a shame that people need legal documents to make a realtionship work a binding agreement is what i would call it. i honestly think if you love someone you can spend your whole life with them and never be married legally, and yes i know the whole thing about im a christian and its against god. im native american and we believe in a holy spirit and if you want to call him god allah buddah what ever but either way its what is in your heart that counts and only the person you worship knows what is in your heart so i think people who use religion for marriage are sad. i think it all comes down to what is in your heart and the other persons and if you truly love one another it will work it self out/in any relationship you should give unconditionally not just marriage

Answer 7

I agree,,I'm divorced after 13 years of marriage,,,I didn't have anything left in me to give. I don't think you have an equal marriage, when - for example- one spouse gets sick, lets say she has gallblader surgery, and has to get her mother over to help with the baby because the husband had better things to do,,,or after she gives birth and the day she is released from hospital is doing laundry while he is working on the car...or how about when she is taking a nap because she was up all night with the baby, but he wakes her up for supper!!...Give and Take....yeah, I gave, he took ---any wonder i'm divorced....You'd be suprised how often that happens,,,,

Answer 8

You are good. Congratulations with your 20 year anniversay. I'm a newly wed and I dated him for 5 years even though he wanted to get married within 3, just to make sure it was gone last. People are self-centered and this is a money hungry world. Sucks huh.

Answer 9

Congratulation! I can't wait to find someone to be that in love with.Yes,marriage should be an equal partnership.

All of my friends who have gone through or are still going through the BIG D,blame their brake ups on being cheated on and/or money problems.Makes me glad that I haven't had to deal with it,but at the same time very lonely.I hope that when I find that special someone that our love stands the test of time..I know I'll do my best to make it last.

Example: She wants to work,he wants her to have 10 kids,not going to happen ,oh and he was unfaithful.
Example:
A friend of mine,his wife dropped him like a bomb for another man,very unwarranted...she is/was a goddess to him!

Answer 10

I have been married before and I am now divorced .
I after years of heartache and a real bad marriage put my trust In the Lord Jesus Christ and I waited and I got to know the Lord and He brought me together with the most wonderfull woman I could ever ask for.
His word says what he (the Lord brings together nothing shall break It apart)and I am trusting Him with this my life

I hope you will listen to me a bad marriage Is hell and If you have children Its bad for them too