Do you think that living together before marriage is a good idea?

Question

I have had so many failed relationships and 1 failed marriage that I now advise my children to live w/ their prospective "life partner" at least a year before marriage. Is this the right perspective to have ... especially where our own kids are involved?

Answer 1

I think it is the right perspective! I did not live with my ex husband before we married and we had 20 long, miserable years together. I found out during that time that he lied and cheated almost the whole time, used me and drugs, abused me and his kids from his first marriage, and had also raped his ex wife over and over while they were married. If I had lived with him for a year or so before marriage, I would have known more about him and more of what he was like (a total slob, lazy, etc-the total opposite of me).

I now live with my fiance and have since last November. We get along great, are both neat people (not perfect, but at least clean), neither of us is lazy, have great communication between us, and consider each other soul mates. We already know that we will do great whether or not we get married, tho we do want to. I believe it has done a world of good for both of us to live together first.

I believe that if you don't live with someone for at least a year before marriage, then you won't really know the person, their habits, if the two of you can get along together living together, etc. At least if you break up before getting married, you won't have to pay for a huge divorce, etc. You can just pack up and leave and be done and over with.

Answer 2

Well in most cases living with that person doesn't make right sense. If something goes wrong,where do you fall back to a hotel? living in seperate homes,is the best decision. Telling you children to live with a person a year before marriage is like telling them,well since your living with them its practically marriage.
Its a fact once people start living together,marriage gets pushed back further in mind,and where does that get you? 17 years of a relationship and no committment.
When your children are involved,don't live with someone and it fails,it makes them see that guy/woman as a perspective parent,and causes rifts in a family arrangement. Children's security before personal interest.

Answer 3

definitely!! there are things you learn about someone when you live with them. Like if they leave their crap all over the place. Will they help with the housework. If they are grouchy in the morning, etc. If their little habits don't bother you great say some vows. If they are impossible to live with...now you know. The relationship can end and no legal battles are necessary. I've avoided a couple disasters by living with a person first. The times have changed and this is no longer a taboo.

Answer 4

I think its important to live with them first just because dating and living together are totally different. Ive dated guys in the past that I could never live with and sometimes you dont know this until you've actaully lived together. Had I not lived with my husband before we married, I probably would have had a hard time adjusting and that can be really bad for a new marriage.

Answer 5

I have to say I back you on this advice. At least one year is good and I would push for two or three.

I have also had several failed relationships and now 3 failed marriages.

My BF & I live together with the understanding that we will ONLY get married if we make it together 20 years!

Answer 6

It depends on the people involved. Some people live together for a long time but when they get married it doesn't work. Some people leave together and when they get married it's the same. Wait until your children are at this point in their lives and let them make a decision that's right for them.

Answer 7

Definitly but even then you might not know everything about your future partner as living together is one thing but an official wedding and marriage makes some people change. My husband and I lived together for almost a year before we got married and I don't regret it

Answer 8

Actually, statistically speaking, living together before marriage leads to a higher divorce rate. The most important thing is to take a long time to know each other, with or without living together, before you decide to get married.

Answer 9

DEFINITELY YES! I didn't and I wish I did.

The best way to really get to know someone is to live with them. I say at least a year before they even get engaged....just make sure their finances are seperate from the other person until they are married, like NOT having joint bank accounts and taking out loans for eachother, etc. That could get pretty messy and damaging to the credit if it doesn't work out. Trust me, I learned from experience.

Answer 10

First of all, by advising anyone to "live together first" is setting them up to expect to fail! You are also promoting pre-marital sex!!!

The first thing that needs to be done is that someone needs to know who they are and where they are going----They need to know what they believe morally and spiritually----

When one has a personal relationship with the LORD JESUS and gives their lives to walk in righteousness before GOD--- they have chosen to believe GOD to bring their mate to them---one who HE has handpicked and chosen that would complement their life---one in whom they would become one with---that's why the Word of GOD says---" the two shall become one flesh, and let no one put asunder what GOD has joined together!"

When someone knows the LORD, and follows HIS plan for marriage , and seeks HIS wisdom in the process and throughout their marriage continues to seek the LORD for wisdom in regard to any issues that may come--adjustment, etc...as long as the two are continuing inthe WORD of GOD and attending a good BIBLE believing church ---the marriage will be a success!

The best "gift" a couple can give each other is that on their wedding night they can be "naked and unashamed"----that only comes from living a life free from pre-marital sex!