There is a girl that lives in my building that I became friends with last year. She is a very needy girl and she knows that and recently, I have begun working a lot more hours and have a new boyfriend. She gets on my case when I don't call to go out and do something with her, send her emails etc. She makes me feel guilty about everything I do that doesn't involve her and I am really tired of it but I don't know how to change things or what to say. Clearly, this isn't easy for me to deal with as I am not a confrontational person. I just don't know how to handle her anymore.
2006-07-25 11:18:43 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Honey, she HAS your number, doesn't she? She is manipulating you into including her in your life. Sounds like she would suck you dry if you did. I wouldn't make excuses for my own behavior or include her in anything that I didn't want her to be involved in just because she lays a guilt trip on you. If it gets right down to it, tell her you feel smothered and you don't need company all of the time. She can only get on your case if you allow it. When she starts, simply say, "look I need to go...bye" and hang up. If she gets her feelings hurt, so be it.
2006-07-25 11:22:37 · answer #1 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you sound like a sensitive person since you already realize that she's needy. But you do have a right to your own life, and if she's gotten to where she's really upsetting you, making you feel guilty, etc. then it's time to do something. I understand not being comfortable with confrontation, because I'm not either. But the trade-off for not confronting her is having the situation continue as is. So, maybe you can say something like," You know, my life has changed since I met you. I am working more now and in a relationship. I just don't have as much free time as I used to. I hope you'll understand that is why I can't get together with you like we used to." If she doesn't understand, there's not much more you can say or do. Just don't give in to the guilt. Do you know anything she likes to do? Suggest she look for activities to make new friends. Good luck!!
2006-07-25 11:25:03 · answer #2 · answered by 60s Chick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am far from being the confrontational type and I had a similar type of friend for 22 years before I realized that I was giving more to the friendship than her and that she was the selfish person she really is. I ended the friendship over a year ago and though it still hurts and I miss her, I know I am better off without her. Some things are just not worth it and have to be taken care of before you reach points you do not want to reach which lead to things being uglier than they need to be. Tell her how you feel and draw some lines (rules) and then if things do not change you might wanna end the friendship all together. Hope this helped! Good luck!
2006-07-25 11:23:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guilt is a feeling you are choosing to have. You don't owe her anything and you can't please everyone so just stop trying. Its your life, not hers, as much as she would like to run it for you it simply isn't her place. Since you aren't confrontational send an email stating that you enjoy her friendship but that her desire to make you feel bad is making your reconsider whether or not it is something you want to continue. Tell her that you will work when you need to work and you will call her when you want to hang out and beyond that you can't solve her problems and if she can't accept that then she should find herself a new friend. Good luck!
2006-07-25 11:26:19 · answer #4 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when your friend is used to spending time with you and all of a sudden life happens, boyfriend, more work , the friend feels neglected and maybe jealous in some cases, talk to her, let her know you get where she is coming from , understand, do make time for her after all isn't she your friend? Or just tell her you need some space right now, if she doesn't understand after talking to her well....good luck....just remember true friends are just that, you have to give to receive and be gentle...try to see her point to!
2006-07-25 11:27:48 · answer #5 · answered by zeekandthefam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend just like that.So eventually I got tired of her nagging at me every time I did something wrong so one day I told her to stop yelling at me every time I do something wrong.I told her that I wasn't perfect and neither was she.If she is a true friend she will back off and you two will still be good friends.If she takes it the wrong way and gets mad at you just go ahead and stop being friends with her because she is just trying to get control of you by making you feel guilty.
2006-07-25 11:26:40 · answer #6 · answered by Daiana 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not making time for her at all then you should. If you are but just not as much as before tell her that you are happy to be her friend and love doing things with her but you need to have sometime with other people too. Suggest she hang out with some of her other friends while you are busy.
2006-07-25 11:24:26 · answer #7 · answered by Suesan W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like you are making mistakes, you are just living your life. She needs to get one too. Ignore her, don't answer her emails, and don't take her phone calls. If you must speak with her tell her you are just too busy right now to be the kind of friend she needs, and that it's okay with you if she makes new friends. If that doesn't work tell the cops she is stalking and harassing you!
2006-07-25 11:26:09 · answer #8 · answered by DJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well,she might want to blame herself too for making you feel guilty one of my friends have done that same thing to me that girl is like a girl who wants to let things get out but, instead she wants to blame you.Send her an e-mail and tell her that you're feeling guilty because of her and if she could not make a big deal about this kind of stuff.
2006-07-25 11:26:53 · answer #9 · answered by girafferator 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its up to you, you have a life away from her.your boyfriend and work and assumably other friends. its easy to just avoid her isn't
it? do things with others? move on . maybe send an e-mail because thats a liitle easier and less formal? say , kindly, that
friendships don't involve constant guilt trips.....
2006-07-25 11:25:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋