I am a fairly lenient mom who sets easy limits- yet my son lies to get his way, or omits truths where convenient to get his way, then tells the truth about it later, as an offering of "trust". It's BS, I know. I have been divorced from his dad since he was 3, and have struggled with his dad's lack of cooperation, and downright refusal to move beyond what he hates in me (which is that I left him in the first place) to agree to raise our son the right way and teach him the right things. Maybe I was wrong to ever agree to joint custody early on- but can't change that now. My son is always saying "what he is going to do" instead of asking anyone's advice, permission, or input. Like he is going to live with his dad now (which he can legally do). I know that is not the right place for him, and as his mother, I do not approve of his dad or his wife and their superficial, often hateful, motives. I do not trust these people. Should I force the issue and tell him he must stay?
2006-07-25 10:49:58 · 6 answers · asked by catarina 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I appreciate the people who actually gave insightful, well thought out answers. I did ask to hear from parents for a reason. I am not "dishing" my ex or his wife, and I doubt I "look silly" for knowing in my heart that my son should not be exposed to hateful people. My ex has always had equal time because I have not stood in the way of father and son building a relationship. I know how important that is. The man is a manipulator, and I do not apologize for being able to see the forest for the trees.
2006-07-25 11:46:02 · update #1
Tough, tough times, right? A 14 year old boy does not have a developed brain to the point that he can consistently predict consequences of acts. It's your job, tough as it is, to protect him until the brain develops (or he gains majority whichever comes first). I would do my damnedest to insure pretty severe consequences for lying from the git go. Fessing up later doesn't get it. Protect him if you can.
2006-07-25 11:09:58 · answer #1 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off let me say that I am most certainly not a parent but I am going to give you my advice anyway. Take it for what it's worth. Well, if he can legally go and live with his dad, you cannot (legally) make him stay. That would be teaching him that it is ok to break the law when it comes to family. I would try telling him why you don't want him to go, and see how he responds. If he still goes to live with his dad, he might realize after a while how good he had it with you and decide to come back. He probably just needs some extra space, and possibly a break from you, especially if he has lived with you for his entire life. So, no, don't tell him that he must stay. If he is as stubborn as he sounds, he will find a way to get out that could be more hurtful than if you let him go without a fight. But hey, that's just my opinion. Best of luck to all of you.
2006-07-25 11:01:47 · answer #2 · answered by Lana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
actually this is a group of questions you posed to me about one of my questions:
I have to agree with RandyGE. From where do your morals originate, or on what do you base your beliefs/morals? I mean, an athiest can go either way, right? They can be good or bad, depending on how they treat people and operate in their lives-They just deny that there are good or evil forces in the world, or a god or creator that has given us any guide to live by, so you make up your own? Or just make it up as you go along? Do you feel connected in some way with other people at all, do you feel love, or is that just a made up emotion created by man to control people, like athiests have said religion does? I'm just asking, because I guess I don't get it. It seems rather odd that here is a world full of people who can do wonderful things if they want to, and we're all here because of some big fart of the universe that you can't explain? Every one is born with those burning questions who am I and where did I come from, and the best thing you can come up with is there is no one who created you so you could think for yourself and make choices but you're a pretty nice guy?
as an atheist i can explain this:
we get our morals from what we see in the world around us not from a book or another influence. we get our morals from ourselvs and others reactions to ourslvs. i probably share a lot of the same morals as you but found them in a different manner.
2006-07-26 08:36:40 · answer #3 · answered by мΛІ€ҢΛр™ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let the son go live with his father. This boy is not your property, you can not keep him in your back pocket forever. A boy needs his father at this age, you have had your time with him. Now his father will teach him how to be a man and he has that right. Be happy his father is willing to take on this huge responsibility. Stop dishing the ex, it makes you look silly. (You should be proud of your son for having his own idea as to what he wants to do, he is not some wimp that can not think for himself and must ask other people how he should live his life.
2006-07-25 11:07:39 · answer #4 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you can always revisit the custody issue. If there is a change in circumstances (ie. the father's harmful impact on your child's wellbeing) then the custody considerations can be changed. Talk to your lawyer.
The first thing you need to do is remove your ex's ability to make decisions. This will give you sole power to control your sons movements. Then you need to be firm with your son and reel him in a little. You can't give children (and a 14 yo is still a child) too much lattitude.
Good luck.
2006-07-25 10:54:50 · answer #5 · answered by ovrwrkdlawyr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey ***** u wanta take this at the white house huh? meet at white house its goin down!
2006-07-26 11:22:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋