He has been divorced for nearly 4 years, but I am the first girlfriend he brought home. We are very serious. He is taking the girls on their summer vacation for a week. He initially asked me to go. I can only go for the second weekend, not even the whole trip. Now, he said the girls will only resent me if I go, and it will be bad for our relationship, so he doesn't think I should come. He says I need to build a better relationship with the girls first. It has been a year. They resent me because I "take away" their father's attention, and I don't see that changing until we spend more time together and grow more accustomed to one another. Apparently, he doesn't believe that should happen on a vacation. But it's been a year, when is it going to happen???
What is the correct solution: Go on the vacation and participate in making the memories and trying to get closer to the girls? or Don't go on the vacation, let them keep their exclusive family, and work on it at home?
2006-07-25 10:46:44 · 10 answers · asked by ks 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
We do many things together. We often go to movies and dinner together. The eldest is 17, and has told her dad (before and after we got together) that it is not OK for him to date. She has been opposed to me from the beginning. The youngers look to her as a leader. Although I know I have contributed (perhaps out of fear that they will never accept me) to the non-bonding, there has also been a refusal on their part.
I did take a weekend trip with the family. The eldest tried to use comments about her "mom and dad" to unnerve me and demonstrate her hatred, but the youngest told her dad he should marry me.
2006-07-25 11:22:21 · update #1
If the father will let his kids dictate what he can and not do, you better look for someone else. He sure isn't ready and doesn't have a relationship with his brats.
My daughter wanted to see me happy and encouraged my getting together with someone. She was 9 at the time.
Was very happy when I found someone, and always respected her.
Of course if you haven't made any headway with his kids in one year, you may be a major part of the problem
2006-07-25 11:01:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps this family vacation is not the best time and place to bond with the girls. Why has bonding not been able to take place in the past year? Obviously, you love this man- but you are not his wife, so why do you belong on the family vacation? Maybe you should just work on it through time- befriend and care about the girls. If you are sincere, they will come to resent you less, maybe even value your advise, or your just being there. Keep your intentions in the open.
2006-07-25 11:01:11 · answer #2 · answered by catarina 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Work on it at home. If you go on their vacation it will ruin it for them, no one will have a good time and they will never forgive you. Then once you get home, they will be even less likely to want to work on a relationship with you. Right now, you are not considered a part of their family, according to his daughters. Going on their family vacation seems ridiculous to them.
Once they are back home though, you need to think about the reason why they dislike you. You said it is because you take away their father's attention. Perhaps if you tried to share his attention, they would like you more. Instead of going on a date with your bf alone, offer to take him and his daughters out one night. Or cook for all of them at their house.
Give the girls some attention as well. Perhaps spending some times with them without your bf would help. Show some interest in their hobbies and their lives. You could end up being Dad's cool girlfriend.
And remember, you are not really apart of their family yet. But once they realize that you are not going anywhere and you show them that you are cool, they will start to warm up.
2006-07-25 10:58:38 · answer #3 · answered by Jen S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I say you should go. For one thing, the girls need to know that Dad is a grown man and has his own life. You being there will let them know that even though they may dislike it, they can't change it. Tell Dad to quit being a pushover. If he is serious about having a relationship with you then he needs to act like it. All he is doing is condoning their actions and it will only get worse. Either way, I wish you the best of luck!
2006-07-25 10:52:05 · answer #4 · answered by my_way_of_hiding 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you say that you are serious; then he needs to be a man and respect the fact that you are an adult, and should deserve some special vacation time with him and his family; Since when have the "girls" decides that you are not worthy of a vacation. One year is long time for him to grow up and be a man with some courage to stand up for YOU.
2006-07-25 10:51:37 · answer #5 · answered by lusaisthebest 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dont go... if the girls don't want you there and you go you WILL create problems for them and being teenagers they can tell their dad they want to live with their mom because of you which may not be in their best interest especially if he has full custody of the girls.... and that could ruin your relationship with him
Try to work on your relationship with them before and after they go on their trip...do girls stuff with them, etc...
2006-07-25 10:51:54 · answer #6 · answered by Dana H 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
daddy subject concerns? call me up babe! rofl. on a extra severe word, i've got considered the type of ingredient in the past a youthful female,14, dating somebody in early - mid 20's. you're far too youthful to be attentive to what LOVE surely is, good now its merely your thoughts and estrogen fluctuating because of the fact of puberty. there's a narrative of a youthful, yet earnest Zen pupil who approached his instructor, and asked the grasp, "If I artwork very complicated and diligently, how long will it take for me to locate Zen? The grasp concept approximately this, then spoke back, "Ten years . ." ?the pupil then reported, "yet what if I artwork very, very complicated and quite practice myself to benefit speedy — How long then?" spoke back the grasp, "properly, two decades." "yet, if i actually, quite artwork at it, how long then?" asked the pupil. "Thirty years," spoke back the grasp. "yet, i do no longer comprehend," reported the upset pupil. "At each and each time that I say i will artwork extra good, you're saying it is going to take me longer. Why do you're saying that?" ?spoke back the grasp, "once you have one eye on the purpose, you basically have one eye on the path." Drop this dude and circulate **** some one your guy or woman age. a minimum of you will make another toddler your age happy, fairly than an previous dude who's maximum in all probability to break up with you via cheatin on you. he's gonna locate yet another female real quickly. For all you be attentive to he has a chick on the component you don't be attentive to approximately. you're actually not continually with him each and every evening.
2016-11-02 23:56:06 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT "serious" until the girls and you get along. Don't go. And I can't believe I actually gave serious advice on this thing (don't tell anyone).
2006-07-25 10:51:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
They need time to each other. If this crisis continues, you might need to find another beau.
2006-07-25 12:37:21 · answer #9 · answered by chrstnwrtr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
put yourself in their position. Its their dad woh they probably dream will be back with their mom. Its theirvaction with him
2006-07-25 10:54:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋