We are both 23 and committed to each other. It's very frustrating for me b/c I have such a high drive. We talk and talk about it and she says she'll see a therapist once we both finish college. I'm just curious to hear female opinions on this. It's really hurting our relationship/intimacy. In the past year we have had sex 1 time and only about 3 other sexual acts. I've offered to do whatever takes but when I say this she starts to get hurt and say it's all her fault, not mine. Any advice or similar situations??
2006-07-25 10:33:06 · 8 answers · asked by rwallace13 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like my situation. Married 11 years and I have NO drive. Not for 6 LONG years. You description of her reaction when you try to talk to her about it tells me that she is going through some major emotional issues, like me, due to the situation and the weight of knowing it is her. I can tell you with a great deal of authority that therapy is NOT the answer. Do not waste your money or time. She needs to start by getting a few things checked out. Her hormone levels for starters. If sex is physically painful it could be any number of things and it would be best to take the medical route first so that if not, then you'll know that much and be able to look elsewhere for answers. It could be a result of depression. The BEST thing you can do is support her and show genuine concern for her feelings and for solving the issue for her sake as well as your own. I can tell you that if you do NOT take that position and continue to make it a huge issue between you without offering solutions that benefit her health as much as your needs, she will resent you and eventually hate you. I went through that and the emotional roller coaster led to me doing things I otherwise would not have done. Difficulties of this nature can be so damaging as to lead to attempted suicide even in those who are not otherwise inclined to believe in it. I've been there too. You need to take a gentle, loving and caring approach with her and show her you are willing to do what ever it takes to make sure she is ok in every way and there is not something medical going on or anything else like that. Need a friend who understands? E-mail me anytime. I will do what I can for both of you! Good luck!
2006-07-25 10:47:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 16⤊ 1⤋
Lot of it could be the way you are going about it. If you are always just trying to maul her, maybe you could try backing off. You don't say how long this has been going on. Try some real old fashion romance. Buy or pick her some flowers, light some candles, make her a nice dinner while she relaxes in the bubble bath you fixed her. How often do you tell her she is beautiful and tell her how much you love her. And I'm not talking about when you are trying to get some. Maybe she just doesn't feel good about her self and could use a therapist to talk to. Even though it's frustrating for you, try some understanding and tenderness. Ask her what you could do to make it better. It maybe something that she just hasn't felt comfortable enough to talk about yet. Try doing nice things for her without expecting sex in return. Let her know you love her enough to work through this together. Sounds like something may be bothering her. And there is nothing worse for a women who is not in the mood, than to have a man constantly hanging all over her trying to have sex. That will just make it worse. Try some of my suggestions, you might be surprised.
2006-07-25 11:17:41 · answer #2 · answered by Vicm0322 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look I know it is frustrating and I don't blame you if you leave her but, in her defense it could be hormonal or mental. I recommend she see a doctor now. I went through a time where I did not want sex either. The doctor said it was normal for a female to go through that. I was about her age too. If she is out of balance then they have meds to help. Talk to her about it and try to be sincere and understanding. I am sure she feels very insecure about that subject. Good Luck to the both of you!
2006-07-25 10:44:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all stopping thinking with the wrong head. Your in college, That is enough pressure for anyone, and then you want to add more to it. You say your committed to her, but I didn't hear you say you love her. Try talking to her with the brain God gave you and not about sex all the time, Just let it happen. It's not all about you.
2006-07-25 10:45:27 · answer #4 · answered by Henry T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
. There are things out there for women just like there are things out there for men. Things that will help with sex drive and so on. Check into it. Try to be patient and never make her feel like it is her fault. It seems that she feels really bad about this, of course she does so try to be sensitive to her in this situation. Try to make a romantic night for her:
2006-07-25 10:44:25 · answer #5 · answered by angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well let me tell you this, a female does get tired of having sex with the same man, speaking from experience, just like a man gets tired of the same, they go stray. Invite another female to the bedroom.
2006-07-25 10:37:34 · answer #6 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jeez- maybe if you had not robbed the cradle with this one, you would now be able to have a adult sexual relationship! YOu are the problem,.either get out of her way and let her have the freedom she needs or get used to her other b/f's
2006-07-25 10:41:11 · answer #7 · answered by onelonevoice 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And....why is she still your girlfriend?????
2006-07-25 10:36:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋