Do you think my mother will change her attitude when we have a baby?

Question

My mother is very negative about my husband and I having a baby.

We have been together for 5 years and plan to get pregnant in a few months when I am 24 and he is 25.

We have financially and emotional stability and want to start a family.

My mother makes negative comments when we have mentioned starting a family one day.

I think its because my mother thinks she is too young to be a grandma in her late 40’s.

She has two other children still living at home who are 8 and 12.

I think she doesn’t “feel” like a grandma since she is still raising kids.

I am hoping her attitude will change when we tell her I am pregnant.

Any advice?

She tries to discourage us from having children and tells us to wait until we are in our 30's before I get pregnant.

Answer 1

my mom was a little upset when i was pregnant because she thought i was too young (22) now she thinks my son is her son, she absolutely adores him, hope is the same for you after your kid is born. In the mean time, don't listen to her, do what you guys think you should do, if you are ready then go for it, do not let anyone stop you.

Answer 2

You are probably right. Becoming a "Grandma" has the stigma of getting old. When my first Grandchild was born I was 44. I thought I was too young but really wasn't as my daughter was 22. Which was the same age I was when I had her.

She will get over it. Don't worry if she is a bit negative in the beginning. First of all, this is your baby, not hers. You and your husband have every right to have a baby when you are ready to do so. Try to include her as you get ready for the baby. She will most likely enjoy helping you buy clothes and she will give you all kinds of advice. Some you will relish and some you can live without. But it will be her way of preparing herself for what is to come.

By the time the little bundle of joy is born, she will already be in love with it.

Good luck to you. I hope you have a very happy healthy baby.

Answer 3

Don't let her choose when you start your family. I started mine at 21 and would do it again in a heart beat. My mother was terrible with each of my five. I don't understand what her problem was, but her attitude changed once they were born. She went from being mean and telling me I did not need any more children, I can't take care of my children (I do, without help) to almost taking credit for the idea of my husband and I having children! My mother-in-law was no better. She never said anything negative, but would take the baby places and never invite me to join them. I found out later, she was passing my children off as her own so she didn't have to tell people she was a grandma. That has recently stopped, thankfully, as she realized she is starting to look like a grandma!

Answer 4

No one of your age should be told when to have children. If you and your husband want to start a family then go for it. Children bring so much joy into your lives. She will just have to get use to the idea that she is a grandmother. In fact I'm betting once she holds your little one she will fall in love with him/her. You and your husband married to have a life of your own. It's time to cut the strings from dear mom and do what you think is best. Don't try to satisfy her cause the longer you wait the harder it gets to become pregnant. Good luck to the both of you.

Answer 5

I think you hit it right on the head - she doesn't feel "old" enough to be a grandmother - and you having a child makes it impossible for her to deny the fact that, yes, she is aging.

As to whether or not she'll change her tune once you have the child - it's hard to say. She may, she may not - most do, though. Once the baby is in her arms, and she sees how great you two are at parenting, hopefully she'll just be happy for the three of you, and start spoiling the crap out of her new grandbaby.

Just stick in there, and don't let anything she says deter you.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I think that time will only tell. I know a couple in your situation pretty much and they were about 20 and 21. Had everything going for them and her mom didnt want them to have a baby. But, here is my opinion. And i am not dogging anyone BUT it is both of your lives and you and your man can do whatever you want. If you want a baby and you think yall are ready then go for it. Honestly, no one is ever really ready for a baby. Not even a millionaire. So, if yall think you are ready then go for it!! Have fun and i wish you the best of luck

Answer 7

Hopefully she will. Yeah, it'll probably make her feel old to be a grandma, but she'll absolutely love it so much that she'll get over that. My parents were young grandparents and they love it.

Ultimately, though, you have to remember that it is up to you when you have children and not her. Yeah, it's nice if she's happy but it isn't required. You need to start your family when you are ready. So my advice is to go ahead and let her sort out her feelings as she gets ready.

Good luck!

Answer 8

You are an adult. And at 24 and 25, you and your husband are more prepared than most couples your age. So if you and he have talked about it and are ready to take that next step, then by all means go for it. This is your decison, not hers.

Answer 9

Well, your mom is not to judge what you and your husband want to do. You are an adult now and can do what you feel is good at the moment. Maybe you'll do what she says, since you feel a bit insecure. Think more about it, and see what happens. What does your husband think of your mother? Good Luck!

Answer 10

Your mother sounds like a very self-centered, selfish woman who places her own needs, ideas and opinions above all others and doesn't really seem to have any regard for your position or feelings. Unfortunately, she probably won't change her position on this particular issue. Seems like she will just grow into a bitter old woman. :(