I am soon to be the single mother of an infant boy and a 2 1/2 yrold boy .I dont want to deny him the right to see his father,but his dad only wants to sell drugs to make money and blame everyone else for his problems.So what my question is , is this..whatare some helpful hints for raising boys?..how can i mold them into men who willl be accountable for themselves and treat others right?..anything you got will help..please ?
2006-07-25 10:07:12 · 5 answers · asked by Lilskeerd 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
There is no set of rules for this, it is unique to each individuals situation. I raised a son and was a single parent. I can only share some things that worked for me. Love him and don't judge him by his Father. never talk negatively to him about his Father no matter how much of an a**hole his Father might be. Don't have a parade of men coming in and out of your life, your sons will judge how they treat women on how you are with men. If you meet a man and it might be serious let your sons meet him for the first time outside the house, then you can invite him over. If you are with a man and it is not serious your sons should never lay eyes on him. Communicate with your sons and don't be judgemental, my son talks to me about everything and he is 24 years old. Chastise them when they need it but do it with love and always let them know why they are being punished so that it is clear to them. Put your foot down and set boundaries. If you have a bad day don't take it out on your sons. Hug them and tell them you love them everyday of your life, my son and I still do that. Be disciplined and take time to help them with their schoolwork. Have a set time for bedtime. As they get older let them grow, don't keep them being babies.
You will get your own rhythm on how to raise your sons to be respectable accountable men, Just be true to yourself and pray for strength, patience, and direction. Good luck.
2006-07-25 10:30:28 · answer #1 · answered by musicisme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are to be admired for your strength! First, don't say bad things about the dad to your 2 1/2 yr. old, if you haven't already. If he asks why his daddy's not there, just tell him his daddy isn't doing well in life now and that it's better for you (all) not to see him. Try to be accountable for yourself and treat others right, and as your boys grow they will use you as a positive example. Don't worry about being both Mom and Dad to them...just be the best parent you can possibly be. If you have any trustworthy male relatives or friends, then maybe they can help you. They could be male role models as your boys grow. But of course, be careful, too, of the possibilities of other men who might not have the boys' best interests at heart (in other words, some men go into certain jobs to get close to kids...scout leaders, priests, teachers, coaches). If something doesn't seem right to you, it probably isn't. Not trying to scare you, just make sure you realize that you and they could be vulnerable to this type of thing. It sounds like you are a caring, concerned mom and I wish you all the best!!
2006-07-25 10:18:39 · answer #2 · answered by 60s Chick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice is that you live your life exactly the opposite of how you've been living it so far. You were laying down with a drug dealer and you made a child. I commend you for wanting to make a better life for your child.
Find a home church. Get into a group of mothers who can advise you and provide you with accountability. The child will be around other children who are being raised to be moral, strong, responsible, and faith-based.
Stop cursing around you son. There are far too many words in the English language for you to have to resort to filthy words. Communicate with your son---talk to him, relate to him. He's a little person. Don't yell and scream and your child. He won't understand what's going on, and all you will do is make him afraid of you.
By all means, if the father of the baby can prove that he has been clean for one year and has not sold drugs for one year, then he would be able to start with supervised visitation through the Department of Social Services or by Court Order. If the man refuses to stop selling drugs and to get clean for one year, then you can petition the Court to have his parental rights taken away.
You know how you lived your life before was wrong. And by your post, I can see that you're wanting to walk the right road now. I will definitely be praying for you and your son.
Good job. I am so happy to finally hear of someone who is wanting to turn their life around for the better. Praise the Lord!
2006-07-25 10:16:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when he asks about his father .. no matter how much it hurts tell him the truth about his father he is a man of no responsibility.... if he is saddened of this you hold him and say but i won't allow you to become him you try your hardest to keep him in school .. have him learn at an early age about responsibility and that life is mean less without a brain and teach him morals about his future life....if his father comes in and out of his life he will become saddened because one minute he has a good (GREAT) mom and then a negative influence demolish what you just built in his brain so u should try to deny him any contact if he's not there for you why allow your son to have a negative contact with the man who created him but inside doesn't care.....you know inside that you can't have him in his life without your child being hurt on a daily bases.
your going to be a great mom . it takes courage to keep him and to move on even with the support that you need from the one who helped create him ...
how can you give life when your still living yours....
2006-07-25 10:19:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, best of luck to you honey, you will need it. But whatever happens, don't cave in and take the Dad back. The kids don't need to be exposed to that crap.
Be there for them as much as possible. Just play with them, hang out with them, stay strong as a family. And don't be afraid to let them see you cry, it teaches them empathy.Just try not to mentally lose it in front of them. They need to know you will always be there for them, always take care of them and always protect them.
Get as much outside support as possible, (Mom, sister, friend, cousin), because you will need an outlet and someone grown up to talk to.
Good luck.
2006-07-25 10:19:01 · answer #5 · answered by deb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋