i still think about my first love...?

Question

my first love was someone i met in my last yr of college--age 21
and lost my virginity. We had a passionate relationship--emotionally very intense and romantic. He and i broke up because his parents were prejudiced (He is White & I'm asian) and never supported us. We were still young. He finished medical school and moved away and married someone white, 10 years younger and that is the end of the story. I've never ever had the sort of emotional connection again. i'm married and have children and i still have dreams about him. i know he has moved on, but now and then i wonder if he ever thinks of me--or am i just a romantic fool @ heart. i probably know the answer. i hope he is happy--i am, but i still wonder if he has fond memories like i do.

Answer 1

Hope this doesn't sound disrespectful, but I think there is some cultural tendency for Asian women to develop elaborate fantasies about their first love. I've know several Asian women who have had a similar attitude of looking back longingly at someone in their past. An unavailable man from your past will always be perfect, because you are loving a memory and not a real person with imperfections. There's nothing wrong with having fond memories, but don't let that prevent you from appreciating what you have in the here and now. Your real life, however imperfect, should always mean more to you than fantasies of a perfect past.

Answer 2

i still think about my first love too (high school and part-college sweetheart).. it's been six years since we've been apart.. she's been dating off and on.. and i've been single for a while now.. when we split.. there was a little bit of drama with her parents.. they were pretty close to putting me into a restraining order (long story).. basically we were both young and dumb back then

now that we're adults and have our careers in place.. we don't keep in touch.. but we still have ties w/ the same friends.. so i see her from time to time.. of course those feelings are still there.. and it's really awkward (at least for me).. sometimes i wonder if there's still a chance between us two..

it's a different situation for you though.. i'm not tryin' to judge you.. but i would HOPE that my feelings for an old flame would be gone by the time i'm married w/ another.. or had kids (and vice versa for the other person).. how would you feel if your husband still had emotional feelings for his ex-girl? that's not fair.. just my two cents

before i get tied up with another person.. i'm going to make sure that i close all the doors in the past for good.. i don't want to live my life with any regret.. that's why i always let my ex-lady know how i feel every chance i can get

i guess sometimes you can't help how you feel though huh?? =/

Answer 3

Thinking of an old flame is very common among everyone...
You can be absolutely loyal and dedicated to your current love...but maybe there are times where you wish he had some qualities your old flame had.

I think you should feel lucky to have a husband that loves you so, even if you still think of another. Just keep thinking that your old flame is a skitzo because he let his parents run his life.

He's a grown man and was old enough to make his own decisions. He just decided to follow his parents. He probably missed out on someone as good as you, by the way you described it.

This doesn't mean you have to stop thinking about your husband or anything...memories are fine enough of your old flame. Maybe you'll see him again in the future, but don't go up and about and try to marry him.

Good luck with you dillemma.

Answer 4

Relationships don't always work out. It's not bad to think about him. Just think about him in a constructive way. Take the things that you have learned and move on. If you revisit it every once and a while, then you do, you can't control that. Dreams have a funny way of doing that.

Remember this, you arn't doing anything wrong unless you are acting on those thoughts. Otherwise just have them and be done with it. Also, talk to your husband and see what he says.

Answer 5

I think about my first love, too. It's okay. Little Brucie with the blue, blue eyes... Of course, I was only ten then...

And we didn't go that far, but it was a summer thing. We went to the same day camp, and only saw each other during the summer, because we lived in different cities and went to different schools.

I always wonder what happened to him. Just out of curiousity, of course, because I am happily married now and wouldn't trade my husband for anyone.

Answer 6

aw, I understand how you feel. I still think about my ex too. But if he was your 1st love like you said, you will never get over him. I think with time it will be easier but I don't know for sure as I am going through it too. I am 100% happy with my husband but I sometimes can't help thinking of him and wondering if he is thinking about me too. When I watch a certain movie and I wonder if he has watched it since we broke up and how does he feel. I totally understand. But just think about how happy your kids and husband now make you feel. As I said, I am not 100% on what to do, but this is what I do to make is not so hard on me. Good Luck!

Answer 7

If the love was that intense 9 times out of 10,he does think about you.

Answer 8

It was wrong ofr his parents to not let you be together.But then again you guys were 21 his parents cant tell him what to do. Write everything you think about him in a book. Then hide that somewhere. If you miss him go look at it. This should help you move on. Good luck.

Answer 9

I still miss mine too...mine moves to boston with another girl and havent heard from or seen him sice...he has like 7 kids in my town and I know he is the worst kind of guy to have but boy oh boy did I love him...I am in love with my bf now but I still miss him alot I didnt love him but I loved the things he said to me...wish my bf would say some of them....i think it is normal to think those things and wonder if he thinks about you....girls are emotionally attached to our first loves forever and there is no escaping it....hopefully one day you will see him and not miss him as much as you thought you would....good luck I havent seen mine in 6 years and every time I see someone who resembles him I wonder if it is hiom and what I would do if I saw him...Charlie Dumas about 30 almost 31.....lives in boston...CHARLE I STILL MISS YOU!!!!!

Answer 10

on account that an rather long term in the past, human beings have hunted for the which ability of love. yet even the large philosophers, with their profound definitions, ought to no longer completely touch its authentic essence. In a survey of four-8 year olds, young infants share their perspectives on love.