I need everyones' opinion. THere is this really sweet lady in my college class. She's the smartest in the class, probably and these girls and one guy continually talk bad about her behind her back (for no good reason -- she goes out of her way to be nice to everyone )and are as nice as can be to her face. It makes me so mad and I have defended her and gotten into with them the last two class periods. If it were me I would want to know who to trust and who not to trust, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable at school or upset her before finals this week. I feel strongly that I want to tell her though. It disgusts me to see them be nice to her face when they talk s... about her so much. Would you rather know or not know? This sound immature (and it is!) but it is bothering me, badly.
2006-07-25 09:10:34 · 18 answers · asked by Melissa E 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Oh, someone said that I shouldn't passively set by and listen to it -- i forgot to say i did tell them all -- the whole group of them -- exactly what i thought. i am a very blunt person. i told them that i think they are small minded and have to talk about others to build their own confidence up and that all it does is expose their own insecurities.
2006-07-27 10:49:11 · update #1
Gossip is an ugly thing but unfortunately so many people are invovled in it. I would suggest that instead of arguing with these people that you just say I do not like to participate in gossip and walk away. I am not too sure if you want to tell her what they specifically say but you could make a comment saying that they really like to gossip about people in general. If she presses then just pick one or two things that they said about her but try to pick the least offensive. Good luck.
2006-07-25 09:20:34 · answer #1 · answered by superrrmodel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have learned this lesson the hard way. I am a honest person and I feel that everyone should just say what they really feel. However, in a few circumstances I have found that people are crushed when they realize the things they could not see with their own two eyes, and then they begin to wonder, well who else thinks this about me? In the second scenario, I was trying to tell someone that I did defend them, and then they got all huffy and said they didn't want to hear about it anymore.
If it's pressing on you that much,and you must tell her; at least wait until after finals are over. Say something like, hey I know things are crazy with finals, but I wanted to give you a call later so could I get your number? Noone can tell you whether you should or shouldn't tell her. This is a decision that is best decided by you.
2006-07-25 09:20:10 · answer #2 · answered by unique2477 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're a really decent human being. Anybody should wish for a friend like you.
This also sounds like a terribly decent person.
Funny how like minded people gravitate to one another. I don't think she's an airhead. She probably knows. She shows superior judgement by just being kind.
People like that go far.
While people like whom you're speaking of fall by the wayside.
Can't you tell?
They probably know that too. It explains their mind set. You mentioned them as a plurality. They can't be alone. So they find comfort in numbers.
To hide their own miserableness and misery.
That's the way the whole world is.
How do you think Adolf Hitler galvanized the German people? By accurate truths mingled with just the most exquisite blend of disinformation, and look how much he got away with.
For a limited time.
Now, you're in a tight spot because you've allowed your heart to become involved. Like any decent person. I can't get your judgement for you.
But, you know what?
I think that same decent heart will find just the right solution. Or, it'll just come out of the clear blue sky. As is usually the case with tormentors like what you're describing.
Ever heard the expression; " Misery loves company? "
Well there it is, in your lap, fully three dimensional, plural, live demonstration! I really hope things work out. Stay your friends' friend. That in itself is a victory. Decent. And pure.
2006-07-25 09:22:38 · answer #3 · answered by vanamont7 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would want to know if people were being fake to me. But, if you are going to say something you might want to wait until finals are over, so this doesn't effect her studying or test. You should also keep in mind that if you tell her, which would probably be the right thing to do, the other people will most likely be pissed at you and shun you.
2006-07-25 09:14:21 · answer #4 · answered by martini_kiss81 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should tell her right now...especially before finals! If you remain friends for a long time outside of class, and she remains in touch with the people who say those things about her, then you should consider telling her if an appropriate opportunity comes up. However, if you will never see her again, and she will never see those other people again, don't bother.
2006-07-26 09:59:15 · answer #5 · answered by aanstalokaniskiodov_nikolai 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't bother to tell her what they are saying. They are immature & there stupidity doesn't deserve to be repeated. Ask yourself, what do you think will be gained by telling her what they have said? Will it make her stronger/feel better? That seems very unlikely. This is just a college class - it will be over before you know it & these people will be out of your life & hers. Keep it to yourself.
2006-07-25 09:15:21 · answer #6 · answered by aka Astra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude quit trying to be a hero...
u said finals are next week....the class will be over and everyone will move on...
dont bother telling her something she really doesnt need to know.
you said shes the smartest in the class?? well when she graduates those people talking behind her back wont matter, because she will be successful no matter what
2006-07-25 09:14:07 · answer #7 · answered by C. D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
use ur best judgement in this situation. your friend really need to know who her true friends are. If you consider yourself a friend then tell her, she should not get upset with you because you told herr for her own best interest. She probably knows that they talk behind her back thru someone else, she will respect u for your sincerity, just for being honest with her.
2006-07-25 09:21:15 · answer #8 · answered by Henderson B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bottom line is People Know What They Want To Know. Bringing it up with her will only be uncomfortable for both of you.
2006-07-25 09:14:02 · answer #9 · answered by anthonydavidpirtle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should first find out if she wants to know when people are talking bad about her. i think you'll find that generallt women want to know if someones talking crap about them and men dont really give a toss. either way i think you should do it after the exams. at least that way there wont be any awkward moments before you al break up
2006-07-25 09:29:17 · answer #10 · answered by maz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋