Here, I literally am making this up on the spot.... here goes nothing!
Embrace
My heart buzzes,
My mind is strangely calm.
If I could stay in your arms forever,
I would without doubt.
That you love me,
As I do you.
Arms of strength, of love, of securtiy,
They make me feel wonderful.
This feeling is new to me,
As it is for you.
We need to begin this road together,
Arm in arm, hearts one.
If this embrace could last,
I would make it last forever and keep it in me.
I look in your eyes,
So loving and intense...
And feel it.
Love. The word feels right.
Sweet embrace ends,
Our bodies pull away.
Love still lingers,
Just with the ache of lonliness.
I want to return to you,
So badly it stings.
Magical moments of love don't last forever...
Oh, I wish they could.
I made this up right here, so nothing too mean please! Thank you!
2006-07-25 09:05:12 · 25 answers · asked by ~S~ is for Stephanie! 6 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Wow, wow, wow,
that was totally awesome,
I myself have dipped into poetry a little
and, I know a winner win I read one.
Keep up the awesome work.
2006-07-25 09:12:14 · answer #1 · answered by art guy 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
If you wrote this for someone special, it will be very special for that someone. All of the rest of us should be writing something special for the one(s) we love, too.
This kind of poem is too intimate and personal for any of us to rely on someone else to speak for us.
To be a truly effective poem for others, it must not simply put into words what we all may have felt; it must put into words what we all have felt but have never been able to put into words. That requires a whole 'nuther dimension: freshness of language, just the right imagery, an insight that makes us say, "Aha, oh yeah, that's it, never thought of it that way before!" Only "aha" poems make it into good collections for the public. Your experience may have been an "aha" experience; your words don't yet create an "aha" experience for readers who do not relate to you personally.
The poems I write for my wife I would not share publicly -- not unless they reached a new dimension of poetic language and form.
Give him the poem! Have it framed for him. If he loves you, he'll love it. Believe me. That's what's important.
2006-07-26 01:16:23 · answer #2 · answered by bfrank 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it a lot. It has the feel of the classical poets.
A lot of ideas and not too many words.
You should develop your talent further.
I wish you all the best with it.
2006-07-25 16:18:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey not bad at all. A couple of little corny spots, but otherwise very intense.
2006-07-25 16:09:39 · answer #4 · answered by DJ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. Have you thought about entering it into a poetry contest? Or even publishing it in your school newspaper? Just a couple of thoughts.
2006-07-25 16:55:15 · answer #5 · answered by prettycute4u62040 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some editing and you've got yourself a winner. Keep writing!
2006-07-25 16:08:55 · answer #6 · answered by newmoniker25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice sentiments and emotion, but it doesn't follow any proper prose. Not bad for a quick write though
2006-07-25 16:10:05 · answer #7 · answered by Sir Greggath 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A little trite, but not bad, do a little tweeking and you'll have a great poem!
2006-07-25 17:23:19 · answer #8 · answered by Honi Bea 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seem really good to me to just made it up as you where typing
2006-07-25 16:12:41 · answer #9 · answered by mmlindsay3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's OK, Not Great, but keep working on it.
2006-07-25 16:08:43 · answer #10 · answered by parshooter 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋