I told my husband I didn't mind him watching porn as long as we watched it together, but he told me he didn't need to watch it and promised me he didn't have it or watch it, but recently I found an extremely large collection of his. It had numerous tapes, dvds, magazines, and pictures of porn. He made up a bunch of lies to try and get out of the obvious incriminating evidence. What am I supposed to do? He keeps on lying about it and then fessing up and then turning around and lying again about the same stuff. I don't believe in divorce unless of unfaithfulness, but I feel as though he's cheating since he is sneaking and doing it.
2006-07-25 08:56:56 · 43 answers · asked by kdeegan2006 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I feel like if he'll lie about this, why wouldn't he lie about other stuff too. Like where he's at or who he's with. Or...if he's cheating!
2006-07-26 08:03:29 · update #1
that's kind of a hard one and sense you were willing to watch it with him that is really kind of weird...it sounds like he is addicted to it..and if that is the case he will do it no matter what...and as long as he isin't cheating there isin't really anything you can or should do...as long as everything else is ok.
2006-07-25 09:01:42 · answer #1 · answered by megan l 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As ridiculous as this sounds, he may actually be addicted to porn. It's completely possible. There is nothing wrong with you feeling like he's cheating on you. In a sense, he is. Hiding, sneaking around, lying., horrible stuff! Sit him down and explain to him the strain this is putting on your marriage and if he continues being dishonest about this, why should you trust him on other issues. Maybe do a little marriage counseling. Try to find out what it is he needs to get from watching the porn and see of there is anything you can do to help him with these issues he's obviously having. Good luck!
2006-07-25 09:02:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This was an issue with my wife and I (she was my girlfriend at the time) She thought that I didn't think that she was attractive or that I was comparing her to someone else. This of course was not the case. The reason for looking at porn is somtimes it just has to come out. Porn is simply a convenient way to accomplish this. If you want your husband humping your leg all day then take his porn away. It sounds like his hiding it is because you get so upset about it.
The issue was resolved when I had a nice long talk with my girlfriend and explained how I was feeling and she explained how she felt about it(about hiding it too) so now I dont hide it anymore and she doesnt complain.
2006-07-25 09:10:29 · answer #3 · answered by greg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
--I realize that it is hard for women to understand this, however I will explain! Men enjoy masturbation, usually alone. They enjoy looking at naked women, usually alone. Some couples do enjoy porn together, but usually not. The reasons being that men feel inadequate with their mates there and John Holmes is on the TV and there is nothing that you can say or do to change that. Secondly women ask men why they thin this girl is this or that and make the man feel guilty, not your fault, it is a guy thing. Personally, I have porn, I enjoy it and so does my spouse, but we don't share it together and that is fine with me. So just be a good Wife. You do not have to participate in every single phase of your husbands existence and stop putting him in positions where he has to lie because you are shaming him. More importantly, your man has to grow some stones and tell it to you straight and damn the consequences.
2006-07-25 09:06:17 · answer #4 · answered by raiderking69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably addicted to the stuff, lots of people are making this claim these days because its so accessible through the internet. As with any other addiction he isn't going to stop doing it until he realizes its a problem and he wants to change it. And as with any other addict he's going to lie about it and its going to escalate, require more for him to get his 'fix'. I'd do some research on porn and sexual addiction and then decide what you want to do about it. Yes divorce should require a serious problem but this is a serious problem and you should take some serious steps to put a stop to it. After all its important enough to him that he feels the need to lie to his wife about it, thats a serious situation if you ask me. Good luck.
2006-07-25 09:06:09 · answer #5 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are willing to watch it with him, why is it a problem if he watches it by himself?? Are you afraid he may be fantasizing about the individual he is watching rather than just trying to achieve climax? I don't understand why you feel like he is cheating. He is a grown man and I do believe that he has a right to be able to pleasure himself and if he chooses to do so than that is his decision. Would you rather he was pleasuring himself with you?? Are you open to pleasure as often as he is?? Does he have a need that is not being met? (Not to say that you aren't meeting it, It is just a question trying to figure out the reason for the sneaking and his feeling of guilt for doing it) He shouldn't have to feel guilty about it. Would you rather have him doing it by himself and you knowing about it, or continue to have him sneaking around doing it. Do the two of you have a healthy sex life? I know men who openly admit to masturbating 2-3x's a day (in the shower, before naps, etc...) and they have normal sex lives. If I was you, don't worry about it. Stop making him feel guilty for something natural and thank him for doing it himself instead of taking his business elsewhere.
2006-07-25 09:08:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should get those kid protection things and block it out of the internet and always get the mail first and throw out all porn stuff.
Its also possible that he watches porn because he isn't getting to do much of it with you, so he is really sad and lonely and watches it to make himself less lonely.
2006-07-25 09:09:29 · answer #7 · answered by darkkratos55 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him wack it. What's the big deal. Make yourself avaialble to him every now and then. Most porn is full of dirty sex that most regular peple will never get to experience. Try some new things with him or just let him get off with it. Maybe it's a rush for him to do it behind your back. Maybe he is hoping you will catch him and then punish him like a bad boy. Use your imagination. It could be fun.
2006-07-25 09:03:24 · answer #8 · answered by woodybmi 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well its not like he is cheating on you per say.
So he has a addiction to porn. Big deal.
He could be out sneaking around at the club or bar or whatever, so count your lucky stars and let the man enjoy his porn.
2006-07-25 09:00:32 · answer #9 · answered by Biker 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He has a problem with this.. I feel the same way you do. I don't think its a divorce matter, but he sounds like a sex addict.
I hope you don't have children that can also access this material.
He needs a support group if he wants to keep his marraige intact.
2006-07-25 09:20:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because he is watching it does not mean he is cheating. He has problem and cant stop. Confront him and if he denies it show him what you found. If he blame you for snooping around his stuff and yells at you.....chances are he is probably cheating on you. Go to counseling.
2006-07-25 09:05:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋