Please help?

Question

My husband thinks am a big headache for him..mainly because i spend more money as i was bought up in a rich family. I am trying my level best to be succesful in becoming stingy but i end up spending some money as i succumb to some of my desiers sometimes. I also ask him to help me out with household work as am not used to cook/clean/study do everything by myself. We had housemaids in my family bfore marriage. He does help me but but is always upset and expects me to do all work! Am a masters student and stay at home morning and have classes in evenings also i have tremendous workload from college. he works outside and says he gets tired to commute and get home and help me. What do i do? Am i really a headache...i have changed a lot...i spend a lot less money now and i work at home a lot...but still i wonder ...you know it hurts when someone who you love so much says such things that hurt your soul...hope you understand my pain...someone please advice

Answer 1

No husband who honestly loves his wife would ever tell her she is a big headache for him. Saying this is a deliberate attempt to hurt you and has no place in a loving marriage. All couples have similar issues regarding finance and house work. When it comes to both issues the first thing both of you need to realize is this is a marriage and a marriage is about a couple working together and sharing equally. This means that all that money is both of yours no matter who is making the majority of it. It also means that the house work is both of yours to do regardless of who is home the most. The way to solve these issues is to talk about them and come up with a plan. For the money maybe what you need is a set allowance for your extra spending. It goes into a separate account and when there is something you want extra ( this means outside of basic needs like food, shampoo, normal clothes, etc...) then you get it from this fund. As for the house work, school work is just as hard and tiring as regular work. Divide up the chores and come up with a weekly plan for each of you to do those chores and stick to it. Remember, you two are equal partners in this marriage so treat your issues as a joint thing that must be solved together.

Answer 2

You find time for you all to have a serious talk. I was brought up spoiled and now my boyfriend & I are having a few problems. You are not a headache, you are just adjusting. Keep track of how much you spend, what you spend it on and and decide how much you should spend each week on certain things. The house chores should be split or each week you all switch off. One week you the chores and the next week he does them. Try this with the trash. Ask him to take it out before he leave for work and you place the trash at the door for him. Let him know how he make you feel at times. Telling him might help a little. Good Luck with everything!

Answer 3

Sounds to me liek you might be a little bit spoiled from the way that you were raised, but I don't think that your husband should complain about you the way you are describing. Just try to realize how much worse you could have, and learnt o suck it up, and deal with things. Just get the work done.

Answer 4

I suggest coming up with a budget together that you will both stick to. Also come up with a list of chores together and work together (notice the together's?) to divide them amongst yourselves. Also the book His Needs Her Needs is a great book to help understand each others needs and provide solutions to problems of the relational variety.

Answer 5

Well, if you cut down on your spending then that is a start. Tell him that, also tell him you are trying to work out the other kinks.
Explain to him your schedule.
You both should be able to work together on this to find a solution.

Answer 6

Sounds like he married you and thought that you knew the ropes. Practice makes perfect. You will be ok.

Answer 7

the best thing to do is to tell him what you feel. If he really loves you, he will understand and i believe he will. GO GIRL!