My husbandand I are disagreeing on using a hospital or birthing center???

Question

I'm not pregnant yet, but the subject came up. Hubby refuses to have the baby anywhere but a hospital because his daughter (not mine) had a complication during birth. His ex-wife also had problems during her pregnancy. I want a to have a natural birth at a birthing center with a midwife and a doula. Hubby is not against the natural birth, he just wants me to use a hospital and doctor. The birthing center I have in mind is a block away from a great hospital. I do not like hospitals and am very uncomfortable there. Hubby says he won't budge though because of the health of our children. Any advice on how to convince him to go with the birhting center?

Answer 1

Set up an interview with the Midwife at the birthing center. She will help to put your hubby's mind at ease.

She'll explain how much more detailed and personal the care of a MW is than a doctor.

She'll explain how they check to make sure the mother isn't high risk before letting them birth there. (A doctor who works with the midwives will most likely have to check your chart once or twice during your pregnancy and sign off to allow you to birth there. You might even be required to have at least one appointment with the doctor.) They won't let you birth in the BC before you are a certain amount along...usually 37 weeks is the minimum.

She'll explain about transfer procedures to the hospital.

She'll explain about the back-up physician in case you get "risked out" of the midwives care.

She'll answer any questions either of you have.

It's difficult, because it's best if you two can come to an agreement since the baby belongs to both of you. BUT your husband also has to understand that 1. it's your body and 2. you wouldn't do anything to risk the baby's health or your health either.

My first was born in a hospital (unmed) with a resident. (Fired the jerk doc in labor.)

My second was born in a freestanding birth center. My hubby was pretty comfortable with that.

For my third, I wanted a homebirth. My hubby was unsure about it until we met with the midwives and asked a bunch of questions.

Make an appointment and get him to go with you just to check it out. Sometimes birth centers also have tours for prospective clients.

EDITED TO ADD:
Also, the midwife can explain to him what medications and equipment they have available there for use. For example, I could have had antibiotics at the BC for my GBS+ condition, but my labor was too fast. It made no difference if I was in a hospital or a BC. I had a shot of pitocen after the birth at the BC because my uterus wasn't firming up well. My daughter who was born at the BC had to have oxygen blown in her face as she was slow getting started breathing. We didn't need it, but out BC even had a vaccum extractor and I think forcepts. Midwives can do an episiotomy if necessary, but most will try to avoid it and have very low epis. rates.

The other thing she may explain is the "30 minutes decision to incision" guideline of the ACOG. Basically, it says that even in the hospital the guideline for a c/s is 30 minutes from the decision to have one to the incision. If the BC is that close to the hospital, you would have no problem being within that guideline.

He should also know that the midwives will monitor you with a doppler or a fetoscope intermittently throughout labor and that they may even have an electronic fetal monitor available if needed.

Also.....
You could point out to him that one difference of the "natural birthing centers" in some hospitals is that many of them are still tied up with red tape hospital rules that make a natural birth more difficult.

Answer 2

I would take it as you go. As long as everything is fine and you and the baby are healthy he might change his mind. The thing is that you never know when something will go wrong and the baby's heart rate will start dropping. Do you really want to waste valuable minutes trying to get to the hospital if something happens?

My daughter got stuck and I ended up having a emergency c-section because she was too big. I couldn't imagine having to be transported with all that going on.

You can have a midwife and doula birth in a hospital. My Dr office was 1 OBGYN and 2 Midwives and one of the midwives was there for my daughters birth and even went into the c-sec with me. She couldn't do the surgery but was there for support.

Please listen to your husbands concerns. Maybe the birthing center would let you witness a birth there or something to make your husband feel better.

Answer 3

Compromise. Even natural birthing centers aren't dumb. If there are complications you will be sent to a hospital anyway. So tell your hubby if things do go wrong you will be admitted right away and if you are pregnant its best for the baby if you are relaxed and OK. So tell him he has no reason to worry because it all is well you will have the baby there but if not the hospital is right there and the midwives are qualified medical nurses to help out until then. He is just concerned about the baby but tell him he needs to be concerned about you too. You DNA is different than his ex so the same complications might not even be an issue.

Answer 4

You may not be able to convince him on this one. I know its important for you to be comfortable too but he has already had a bad experience. And there is nothing worse than your baby having complications at birth. You said this is a great hospital? Then maybe you should compromise with him on this one. But if you are still insisting on the birthing center then maybe you could just ask him to tour the building and maybe talk to other mothers who have given birth there, maybe that will help him feel more comfortable.

Answer 5

Compromise. If you have a healthy pregnancy then the delivery shouldn't be bad. So i suggest telling him that if there seem to be complications then you will go to the hospital if not go to the midwife and the birthing centre

Answer 6

Tell him what you told us. That "I do not like hospitals and am very uncomfortable there." Tell him that, I mean if anything happens the hospital is right ther for him to take you...What is there to worry about. You need to tell him that you are NOT his daughter and NOT his ex-wife. Whatever happened to them is not likely to happen to you because you guys aren't related...Good luck...Oh and give him some information about this birthing center. Take him there and let the people there explain it to him...It won't hurt.

Answer 7

I can see his point, when my son was born there were complications and my wife needed and emergency c-section. I wouldn't do it any other place. I believe some hospitals have natural birthing centers in them. Something you might want to look into to.

Answer 8

hospitals are ok birthing centers have adequate staff and equiptment on hand for emergencies but if it helps him go to the hospital with midwifes available

Answer 9

I can see his point.
Look into hospitals that have mid-wives on staff. Some actually have separate wings where you'll deliver. If need be, a doctor is still available to help.

Answer 10

This is rather personal. I think you two should weigh the pros and cons, listen to each other's point of view, and compromise to the extent you want to please each other instead of relying on distant strangers.