Should I worry about this??

Question

I'm 30, my wife is 26. We've been married for 3 months, been living together for five years. About a month before the wedding I found out my wife was telling this old guy friend of hers that lives in AZ about our problems. I asked her about it, she said it was nothing, they were just friends. Well we got back from our wedding and our honeymoon then she started talking alot to another old friend of hers, virtually on a daily basis, sometimes pretty long conversations. Now she's back to talking to the guy from AZ and they talk nearly everyday online and sometimes on the phone. It only happens when I'm not around. She says they are only friends but he seems to be getting more of her attention than I am. I'm not too worried about a physical affair because he's in AZ but emotionally she is shut off to me. Is it possible she's becoming emotionally connected to him or am I being paranoid?

Answer 1

Be worried. Sit down and tell her you aren't getting any attention from her, and you want that to change. Take her out to dinner, go on dates like you used to, but do something.

Answer 2

I don't think you are being paranoid. Even after living together for five years, three months is a pretty short time to be experiencing problems in the marriage and I think this is a potential problem.

First off, don't think that the living together did away with the wrench of being married. No matter what, it is just different and she is probably dealing with that. Second, don't think that merely because you two are married that she won't be confiding in her friends.....BUT usually they are local friends....but sometimes not. I wouldn't jump to a conclusion about the fact that it is a guy friend - really, I wouldn't - but the fact that she only talks to him when you are not around is a complicated situation.

Complicated because if she is needing to confide in others, then she isn't going to be doing that when you ARE around and complicated because it puts the veneer of suspicious behavior on this uneasy situation.

You need to talk with her and tell her how you feel. I think your expression of how you feel that she is becoming emotionally connected to him and emotionally shut off from you is very important and she needs to know that. This is a symptom and not the problem. You two have to deal with why this is happening. The extensive nature of her contact with him does not reflect, I do not think, the kind of interaction between girlfriends ...but rather indicates more of a male-female romantic attachment. You need to tell her that this is how you perceive it. (If, indeed, that IS how you perceive it.) You two need to discuss where this kind of behavior is going to lead - where it is going to lead her and where it is going to take you..;..project what kind of impact it could have on your relationship based on the kind of impact it IS having now.

No one expects marriage partners not to have friends. But the partners to a marriage must protect themselves against a slippery slope and I think she may be on one and not really know it. (I hope she doesn't know it.)

Good luck - it will be some tough conversations.

Answer 3

Maybe a little of both. I don't think there is anything wrong with a female confiding in a male friend because sometimes women just need someone from the outside to give them perspective on whats going on inside their relationships. Now granted most of the time they do that with their girlfriends but I myself have a lot more guy friends than girlfriends so I do talk to them sometimes. What I would worry about is that she tries to exclude you from their "relationship". When I date I never try to keep my guy friends from my boyfriend. If anything I really want them to get along. Since you said you feel like she is emotionally shut off to you perhaps you should try being more available. When you both get home at night take some time to just sit down and discuss your day instead of launching in to making dinner, watching tv, or whatever it is you do when you get home. Don't give her a reason to need to talk to someone else. I assume you got married because you were best friends and wanted to share your lives together. Remind her, in a noncondesending way, that you are there for her and you want her to feel like she can talk to you about anything. If you are there for her and let her know perhaps she won't feel the need to rely on the AZ guy so much for attention.

Answer 4

FROM WHAT YOU SAY if she is drawaing away from you, and spends more time talking to him that you, then she may be developing a connection with him. This is the sad part, If she is able to form an emotional connection with another man, their may be somthing lacking in your relationship. I don't know why this would happen now, unless the marriage thing has scared her. Maybe she is board. Maybe she misses the "newness". She may have thought that getting married would bring it back.

Have you told her you feel this way? Ask her if there is anything you can do to improve your relationship. But honey, don't set yourself up for disapointment. If this contiues, in my opinion, you may find yourself miserable and eventually alone.

Answer 5

You are not being paranoid. She has an emotional attachment to this other guy. Talk to her and tell her what you are feeling and thinking about what she is doing. My Husband's ex-wife got to talking to an old guy friend of hers on the internet, on the phone, and even (secretely) writing letters. Eventually, she started visiting this old friend of hers out of state (telling my husband not to worry because they were just old friends) and ended up leaving my Husband for her "old friend". On a personal note, I'm happy she did because we wouldn't be on our 7th year of marriage..and you know what...she ended up getting a divorce because she wasn't happy. Don't think distance will keep anything from happening if your wife and him want to be together, they will be together.

Answer 6

c'mon a gurl who is married is not supposed to talk to old friends for hourz ..as if u had never talked to a gurl over the phone.... what do u talk to a lady about? Hitler? A craft? of curse if u talk to a lady for 2 3 4 hours it is gonna be flirtin if she really likes her old friend ok talk to an old friend for 10 minz y her old friend doesn't want to talk to u for an hour? coz he doesn't have any thing to say...try to stop ur wife , if u don't do it right now u have to stay aside and watch ur wife going out every night with some one else...give her 2 options or she has to stop doin that or she can flirt around and u can flirt around as well

Answer 7

Well...I may be younger than you guys but it seems to me that your wife is becoming detached from you. Maybe there's love there but if you guys dont work out the problems soon, then there will be dire consequences and it could end up in divorce. So my advice is to fidn out truthfully how your wife is feeling about you and let her know that you're not cool with what she is doing. And if she still finds no problem with it, try talking to a female and telling her all your problems, just like your wife is doing. Maybe she'll realize what she is doing to you and she'll stop. Good luck in your marriage and i hope everything works out.

Answer 8

Don't let your guard down, now is the time to sit her down and let her know how you feel, before it gets any worse with her and this friend. Take her on a 2nd honeymoon or something, away from the computer and phone line, give her all your attention, maybe she just needs your attention. But do talk to her.

Answer 9

no an emotional affair is a real thing and believe it or not can ruin your marriage worse then a physical one. Get connected to your wife fast and pull her away from the other men. If you don't I don't think you will make it for a second wedding anniversary.

Answer 10

I would say it's a high possibility. Definitely tell her you are uncomfortable with her talking to him so much when you are not around. She'll still be able to talk to him if you are there so it's not like she'll lose him as a "friend" or anything. If she doesn't go along with this, then something is up.

People should not talk to the opposite sex when dealing with relationship troubles. It only ads fuel to the fire.

Answer 11

Follow your instinct. Everybody has them and nobody follows them when 10 times out of 10 they are correct. Yes she is becoming emotionally connected with this other guy. No you are not being paranoid