(See my previous question regarding the affair).
I know that I am not the most attractive person in the world, and that I seriously need to loose weight (which I have done this year a stone and a half s far). My partner has been patient with this and I know it make him very uncomfortable, but he bears with it. At times he gets frustrated and we will talk about it, he tells me he loves me but it is hard. Our imtimate side has been quite S**** recently and now it is only foreplay that we take part in. And it is me trying to please him each time. This has probably been a factor in him looking for something different. But if anyone has any suggestions on how to spruse it up and get him enjoying (and wanting) some intimate time together, please let me know.
2006-07-25 07:32:10 · 5 answers · asked by tweedlededum99 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did read your other post (about the affair). Here are my thoughts.
I know you want to do something to "win him back," but I think that will not be good for you or him in the long run.Even if you somehow make yourself "more appealing" to him right now, what happens when yet another woman seems more attractive to him later?
It will happen. You can't be everything to everyone. Based on your comments about sex, among other things, it seems that you are only training him to value you until he finds someone else who makes him feel better than you can.
A relationship built on you trying to make him feel good about you is doomed to fail and won't be fulfilling for either of you. I know that is not what you wanted to hear, but that is what I think will happen if you go that route.
I think you need to talk with him about your relationship, and share with him how frustrated you are -- that you want to be closer but am having trouble, and that you know he's having trouble. You know you are not perfect, but you want to try and am trying, and are committed to him if you decide to continue.
You really need to gauge how willing he is to pursue your relationship. You are not yet married, so now is a good time to figure this out.
Right now, he seems to be focusing on how much you can "fulfill" him (rather than on how much he can give to you), and you are worried about keeping him because it's hard when a woman feels she isn't desirable to a man she loves. Again, do not fall into the trap of trying to appease him or make him love you; it will eventually fail, and he'll find someone else who makes him feel better than you do.
Admitting you know about his "fling" will likely be necessary. You should approach this as calmly as you can; if you get angry, the conversation will probably end quickly (and poorly).
[Note: There's a good chance he will play the card of "you not trusting him and snooping through his stuff" -- which you can easily counter by reminding him that you only became suspicious by how he was treating you and that he was the one who was entertaining ideas of running off with another woman.]
Anyway, I don't know what will happen. His heart already might have left you. If so, you can't force it to return. You really need to lay out what you envision for your relationship, your desire for him, your commitment to him, and find out what he wants from his end of things and what he is willing to do (i.e., his commitment to you).
Right now, it sounds like his commitment is rapidly dwindling. He needs to decide what to do, and then commit to it, for your sake and his. What he is doing is unfair and unkind to you.
2006-07-25 07:53:19 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he has such a problem with your weight and appearance then why the hell is he your fiance? I think he needs to be slapped. You should only lose weight and improve your appearance for YOURSELF not for him. Keep losing the weight by exercising...walking around your neighborhood for 30 minutes a day can help a ton...eat right as well...avoid fast food altogether and soda. And then buy cute little outfits and flaunt yourself in front of him but don't let him touch you. You should start going out and meeting other guys. There are actually guys out there that will treat you the way you deserve instead of chatting and emailing a woman half a world away. Hang out with your single friends and try to meet other men. Stay out late and make your fiance worry for once. Maybe if he feels that he is about to lose you he will straighten up....if not leave him. You should definitely email that s l u t t y homewrecker that he is talking to and let her know that you are aware of her relationship with your fiance and that you will not hesitate to fly over there and beat her a s s if she doesn't leave him alone. LOL I'm serious...that is exactly what I would say to her. Or you can give me her email and I will do it for you! lol I live in the states.
2006-07-26 03:22:39 · answer #2 · answered by S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nah get rid you are worth more, find someone you are going to be compatible with and who really loves YOU for you.some relationships ain't worth all the hard work, you could use the energy finding a new partner,it's easy to say I love you proving it is something else
2006-07-25 20:11:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all it has got nothing to do with your looks, if you were Nicole kidman this man would do same thing so its him don't blame it on anyone or anything..........he is a looser so find yourself someone who is loyal and considerate......get rid of him as he is not worthy of your efforts......
p.s. I have read your other question...
2006-07-25 19:41:19 · answer #4 · answered by DejaVu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is the same guy who is flirtin and planning on meetin another woman, dont marry him.... let his hand pleasure himself until he meets his new lady friend
2006-07-25 14:43:08 · answer #5 · answered by princessashley2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋