I was married for 12 years, now I'm divorced. I met a man who is very solid and stable. He's a little older than I am and has no children. I have 2. He loves me and wants to get married. I don't love him, but i still think he's a good candidate for marriage. Should I be emotional and wait for love or should I view it as a business decision and take this opportunity?
2006-07-25 07:24:32 · 24 answers · asked by karamel_coffee 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm 35 and he's 43. He already knows that I don't feel the same way-- we've discussed it. I don't hide my feelings at all. He feels that I would make a good wife, and he feels that I am a good mother (which, I am). I think he would make a good husband. But, I don't know if I would ever be in love with him. I imagine that over time, I would grow to love him.
I loved my first husband --- but marrying him was a huge mistake. I've seen many marriages fail between people who loved each other. I think that we would be a compatible couple. But, there is a romantic part of me that believes i should hold out and wait til i'm in love. i just don't know--- i'm torn.
2006-07-25 08:13:31 · update #1
I am currently married to the nice older established safe man and while in the beginning the stability and security do have their up side eventually you will get to a point where you realize your emotional needs aren't being met and this nice safe relationship is like a stone around your neck and the lonliness from being with someone you really don't have that mental connection with becomes almost unbearable... I would really think long and hard before commiting myself to a relationship that won't fulfill you emotionally.
2006-07-25 07:30:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
A marriage should be built on a foundation of love and trust. Don't marry this man just because he would be a good "candidate", if you can't love him, let him go so he can have a woman marry him for the right reasons. You deserve the same thing, get out now, enjoy having him as a great friend, but go back out in to the world where hopefully love will find you both!
2006-07-25 07:30:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been told that a lot of folks are looking at marriage as a business deal nowadays. It's said to be very common and more realistic than the days of old. Some have said that it actually is more characteristic of the old days because folks then tended to have more realistic expectation of marriage.
But. . . . . .I do not intend to settle when I get married I want love and compatibility. If he's a good, loving man he and you deserve to be in a loving marriage.
2006-07-25 07:36:48 · answer #3 · answered by forever 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you marry for money don't get me wrong its nice and you don't have to worry but if you don't love him it will never work out and you will be miserable cause money cant buy love.So i would suggest waiting on love in the end you will be more happy and glad you did then just being with someone who is stable and 10 years down the road your saying god i wish i was happy and had someone i loved ,cause id rather go to my grave knowing someone loved me and i loved back then going to my grave knowing well i did have a car and bills paid what a waste of life so hopefully you will do the right thing for you i wish ya the best good luck!
2006-07-25 07:35:28 · answer #4 · answered by blondie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will get bored and what if you find that someone that you really love? Hold out! Stability and Solidness will not hold you together when you have hard times or even though being intimidate with him. You want passion not just lust, because lust does wear off, and you get bored all over again. Plus you have to worry about the children.
2006-07-25 07:28:40 · answer #5 · answered by jessica 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't ever take a marriage as a business opportunity. Marriage should be based on love and trust on both parts. Yes you should marry him based on love. Because you'll never be happy. You need to be fair to him and tell him you don't love him. He deserves that since he's so good to you. So yes I think you should be emotional and wait for love.
2006-07-25 07:31:42 · answer #6 · answered by babieshay27 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am trying to build my marriage on that motto, and it is not working out so well. I was not in love with him when got married and all that other fun stuff that comes with it. Sorry, but it has been a very hard 5 yrs.. Good Luck..
2006-07-25 07:28:37 · answer #7 · answered by sweet 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, Love IS NOT A BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY.
If you don't feel love for him now best to wait and see what happens in the future with him. you must also realize that a marriage with out love and trust and respect for each other is doomed from the moment you say I DO.
If you marry this guy and don't feel you love him, start plans now for heading to divorce court. end of sermon
2006-07-25 07:31:10 · answer #8 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Please-hold out for LOVE! Set a good example for your children. Don't settle and don't marry someone you don't love. Not fair to him, you or the kids.
Hold out for the real thing baby!!
Good Luck!
2006-07-25 07:31:12 · answer #9 · answered by tfoxgirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you and you alone have to make that choice, but
to make a choice to marry someone you don't love, you
have to ask yourself if loves you enough for the both of
you? If you have the ability to do that then more power to you, but I think if you don't love him you will end up resenting him and you'll both be miserable. Who knows maybe in time you'll grow to love him?
2006-07-25 07:37:41 · answer #10 · answered by frustrated 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋