We have been married for 7 years, there has been many acts of infidelity, and I am just tired of feeling like I can't trust him, I have tried to stay in the marriage and have seeked counseling in my church as well as a counselor with a phd, he has also been abusive...He says he has changed but I want out....I have never cheated on him and I am good to him...I feel like there are too many issues....
2006-07-25 06:38:21 · 31 answers · asked by "gg" 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
On religious grounds, I think you have "just cause" for a divorce due to your husband's infidelities and continued abuse and failure to follow through with his promises to change.
I think it is good that you are still trying to make sure you are doing the right thing and being honest about how you feel, though. It would be easy to hate him right now.
It sounds like you have attended church and professional counseling... but the insinuation is that he has not. In any relationship problems, there are usually some negative behaviors and attitudes on the part of both people -- and in this case, his bad behaviors are very very obvious.
If he has refused to see counseling with you and you've just gone on your own, it's one more sign he is not willing to change nor sees anything wrong with what he's doing.
(i.e., he is responding more to the threat of losing you -- his own interests -- than regret and pain over what he has done to you.)
Have you gotten advice from others you trust, who know both of you? Their hands-on experience with your marriage can maybe give you better advice.
I think as you make this decision, if you do believe in God, you should pray that he would help you see clearly into yourself and your own motivations so that you can have a clear conscience in this matter, as well as make the best path clear to you (so that you can have peace about your decision -- divorce even in such a blatant case of infidelity/abuse as this is still very painful to deal with after the fact). You want your heart to be clean before God and yourself.
Also ask him to help you do what is best both for yourself and your husband in the long run... Sometimes this does mean divorce: If you allow your husband to persist in this behavior, he will not only destroy your marriage (as he's done) but his own life as well.
Don't go this alone, find some friends to lean on... people whom you can trust and who can comfort you.
2006-07-25 07:35:54 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i understand your problem. I've been there. It's very hard to just pick up and run....easier said than done. But if there aren't any children involved, then you have it easier than me. However, the abusive part is the part that's holding you back. That's the controlling issue. You're probably more afraid of him than anything, but you really need to get away, for your own sake. He's probably made you feed like you pushed him into someone else's arms, don't listen. It's not your fault. Just make sure that you are not alone with him when you tell him that you want out. Be careful.....and Good Luck!
2006-07-25 06:45:10 · answer #2 · answered by charlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave now and DON'T let him talk you into ever coming back. No one should have to put up with an abusive and cheating relationship. He has had plenty of time to change. He will probably never change for the better. You deserve better and CAN do better. There are still decent and loving guys out there. Good Luck !
2006-07-25 07:54:48 · answer #3 · answered by bluejay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out. You're staying because you've grown used to it, human beings are very flexible and can withstand a lot of pain and suffering THAT IS NOT NECESSARY. This definition applies to TORTURE as well, and that's never required in a marriage! You've tried your best but you're also entitled to be HAPPY, and if external assistance hasn't helped the situation, you have to know what is best for you, and when. Get out now. What is required in a marriage has been taken from you, so what else remains?
2006-07-25 06:45:51 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am talking from experience, men believe once they give abuse either mentally, verbally,or physically and you don't leave they can do so forever no matter how much they say they change it'll be o.k for a month or so maybe even shorter and again the abuse as well as infidility starts, some men just can not be satisfied by one women no matter how beautiful once a cheat always a cheat, once a liar always a liar, but remeber darl wat goes around comes around
2006-07-25 06:59:50 · answer #5 · answered by zequarn_romane 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not stay in a marriage that has abuse in it and you should not stay in a marriage that has adultery in it so no matter which one you look at you shouldn't be with him. How long should stay in a marriage with abuse? How ever long it takes to call the cops to come lock his a** up, that's how long you stay and you only stay that long to watch him get the handcuffs on and watch his sorry behind being halt off. YOU DON'T STAY ANOTHER SECOND IN EITHER CASE.
2006-07-25 06:49:12 · answer #6 · answered by angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems like u still love him in spite of his indescretions, but you may need to think about your welfare. "Just leave!" is a typical answer, but i was in a marriage gone sour over the course of 3 years. Whe I did finally give up, I knew without a doubt that I had done EVERYTHING humanly possible to keep the marriage intact...what i learned over the 2 years since the split was that you cant change anybobdy...people have to want to change.
Im sorry about your situation, and i hope that u make the right decision for yourself.
God bless.
2006-07-25 06:48:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have ran after he first cheated. Humans are creatures of Habit (YES... they say the same thing about criminals) But its true!!! Just Go! Stay with friends, family, anyone. Get out NOW! I went threw that, but luckily my mom always told me to RUN if things like that happened, Life is too short & too difficult enough to bare that kind of pain. Before I was married, I'd never even date a guy who cheated. Because like i said, we are all creatures of habit. Good luck sweets!
2006-07-25 06:45:34 · answer #8 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have children I would suggest moving on out! If he has abused you, its only a matter of time before they are targets too! The fact that there are more than one instance that he has cheated should be reason enough, you dont know what he has brought home to you! Please be careful in anything you do, abusers like nothing but control!
2006-07-25 07:02:26 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With all that being said, then take the steps to get out. It won't be easy because he's going to be difficult once he figures out that you are really going for your freedom. So, make sure this is what you want without any doubts, then go for it. He's not going to change, and if he pretends too it won't last long, things will get worse since he'll know that you won't tolerate the things he use to do.
2006-07-25 06:46:15 · answer #10 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋