My Fiance is having a Cyber Affair?

Question

We recently joined myspace & have both made friends with a married woman (with a baby). I thought it was nice enough. Last week my fiance was acting werid, I don't know but a sixth sense inside me told me to check his e-mails, which i know is wrong. I did. It turns out that they have been in constant e-mail touch and have developed a strong bond. My fiance has kept the e-mail in which he asked her to consider her feelings for him. She replied saying that she did have feelings but could not act on them. The e-mails have continued, she is very flirty i.e. putting song titles like "I have designs on you" & saying that she "melts" when she thinks of them kissing also telling him that their star signs are compatible. My fiance has responded eagerly & has talked about flying over to the States to meet her.
I don't know what to do, should I keep this information to use to keep me in the loop, or should I confront him? But if so how? I have invaded his privacy, is this an affair?

Answer 1

If it was my fiance, it wouldn't have bothered me until I read the part about him flying over to see her. After all, they are not going to do anything through a PC are they? However, if he wants to go & visit her, it's a whole different ball game. You need to tell him what you have done. Your instincts told you to check up on him & your instincts were right. He can complain all he wants about you invading his privacy but 2 wrongs don't make a right. You can't stay with a man who can do things like that, he is obviously not ready to settle down with just one woman. It's very fortunate that you have discovered what he is really like before it was too late.

Answer 2

Screw his privacy, you are his FIANCE...you live together I assume and you are about to get married! His business is now your business....even more so when you get married. I would have printed out the emails and threw them in his face and asked for an explanation. I would also confront her, let her know that you know what's going down and let her know that you will not hesitate to mail copies of her inappropriate emails to HER husband. That will scare her. Also, check your phone records and see if they are calling one another. Either way, keep copies of the emails for yourself...they may come in handy. He will try to erase all of the evidence right when you confront him. Be glad that you are not yet married...you still have time to get out while you can. I can imagine how hurt you are by this...above all else DO NOT feel guilty for checking his email...you followed your instincts and found out that your Fiance is a liar and a cheat. I'm sure he would have done the same thing if he suspected you were doing something inappropriate behind his back. Confront him now and if you decide to stay together you should agree that neither one of you can use myspace anymore. It will only cause problems and suspicions in the future.

Answer 3

I would defenetly confront him about this, its a definate must. Juat say you accidently came accross his emails and was curriouswhy he was writting to this woman so just had a look, and ask him why he was doing it. Best thing you could do as Iv learnt from expieriance is not to go shouting your mouth of at him. Try to be calm and get your point accross, make sure he doesnt interupt you so that you can finish what your sayin and then see what he has to say. In all fairness if he has done this to you, then you should really concider if you really want to spend the rest of your life with them, I forgave my ex for doing a very similar thing, and after that he saw I was a pushover and did it 2 more times. Good luck

Answer 4

This is certainly a hard one.

Perhaps sit him down and ask him if he is unhappy in your relationship because you are getting vibes that he is perhaps 'drifting'.
If he says he is then you know he is lying! Unless you are happy for him to carry on having fun on the side, no matter how virtual it is, you need to confront him. Explain you are not proud of snooping but you have seen the emails. DONT challenge him just admit seeing them. See if he gets defencive. If he does he knows he is in the wrong, if he doesn't then perhaps he doesn't realise how the behaviour could affect you.
I dont agree with him doing it. He wouldn't talk to 'the girl next door' like that so why does he feel the can on the net?
Good luck x

Answer 5

E mail her telling her you know what is going on and to back off, this is completely unreasonable behaviour from your fiance. Its gone way past you needing to worry about invading his privacy, he has done something far worse and you need to confront him about it or it will eat you up. Im afraid it is an affair of sorts and its its difficult as they are just E mailing but affairs dont need to be physical. He is admitting feelings for her and in my understanding when you are engaged then those feelings should be reserved for your partner only. Also they are thinking about meeting up so its gone too far, if this was my husband i would be furious. Please speak to him, i really feel for you xx

Answer 6

talk to your fiance and tell him that he does not really know that women and no women with a good manner will try to get a guy who has a fiance ... that is a very cheap act and only cheap women does that
tell him that he is going to lose what he has for nothing.

and tel him that
A good marriage is an intimate and loving relationship which gives both partners security, friendship, companionship, support, comfort, and deep love that penetrates every aspect of life. None of this can be achieved without work and sacrifice.

Marriage may be compared to a plant that requires daily nurture, daily attention, daily care and cultivation. It will not develop of its own accord; only as effort and will are exerted will it grow and mature. For a marriage to succeed, both husband and wife must be committed to its success. They must build an enduring love relationship that is centered in the heart of their consciousness. Their relationship must be nurtured with the water of loyalty and love.

best of luck

Answer 7

If i was u i would not say anything right now i would see how long this goes on for. fair enough you should not invade his privacy but this time its a very good job you did or you would of been dealing with a lieing cheat. you will know when the time is right to confront him. good luck and dont let him work his way out of it when you do confront him.

Answer 8

checking his email isn't wrong ---opening his mail that's delivered by the postman is wrong and a crime.
What you need to do is be honest --- tell him what you suspected and you checked the email and found your suspicions had merit - now you want to talk about his feelings and emails to this other woman where he is encouraging(her affections) and he's mentioned wanting to meet up with her --- express your feelings clearly--- find out if he wants to end the relationship with you...
You didn't invade his privacy ( he violated your trust)- from the sounds of it you and him are living together --- everything is open territory unless it's under lock and key. Emotional affairs are still dangerous because they take the persons attention/affection/loyalty away from the one they are supposed to be committed to --- because if he won't commit in the courtship - he won't commit in marriage----

Answer 9

Say he's acting strange ( be prepared to give examples) if he admits it and says it's just a bit of fun tell him how you feel, do not just say "you must stop or else" otherwise he may think you are trying to control him. Maybe talk to your friends or someone from work that you get on with but does not know your fiance. If he lies it maybe because he is embarrassed to admit it and and will stop it immediately. If it does not stop ask him outright. If he doesn't stop it then he's a tricky little F*****r and get rid of him. Life's to short to stay with a liar!

Answer 10

well so far he hasnt acted on it which is good. and he really can't cheat on you for the simple fact she all the way across the country. If I were you i'd bring up the situation in conversation like "damn the other day i was watching jerry springer and this guy was leaving his girl for some chick he meet on the internet thank god that only happens to trailer trash huh babe." see how he reacts to it if he just tries to laugh it off then i would keep a close eye on him. maybe it's just an internet fling but if he tries to defend it then you've got big problems in our hands. and if he does then i would confront him about it.