My husband is still coming home late. He says he is trying to make himself happy and treat himself well. Stating, I have not been doing so, so he doesn't answer his cell phone and comes home at midnight to crash and then go to work. I went to his older sister (cultural thing) to ask for help. Not sure if she spoke to him. Last night, I told him this is not a hotel that if he wants to separate than maybe he should stay in the city while he takes his space. I don't mind if he wants space, but I do mind him coming home at midnight and treating me like I don't exist. Anyway, I told him I was sorry and I would try my best to be a better wife a good one. His response was to place his head into his hands- I expressed devotion and understanding, and then he said that was enough for the night and decided to go to sleep. Should I give him his space and leave him alone. Or should I fight for this marriage? Or should I simply go on about my business and live and when he is ready welcome him home?
2006-07-25 05:57:45 · 23 answers · asked by kaiynasha 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You assuring him you will try to be a better wife because of his shortcomings, will not work, and will only push him further away. I really don't think you can force him into being more kind, compassionate, or caring. You might shock him into it.
Either give him his space, and appear to cease caring about what he does, or tell him it's obvious that he is not content in the marriage, and perhaps you should go your separate ways. He probably will not appreciate you, or fear losing you, until that becomes a very possible situation.
Good luck Dearheart.
2006-07-25 06:35:26 · answer #1 · answered by tsmitha1 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you need to let him know that either he wants to work on this marriage or he needs to stay with who ever is making him happy. Don't stress yourself out on how he feels b/c he is not doing the same for you. You are being the best wife you can but is he being the best husband he can? Are you happy? If not let him go it might be hard but in the long run you will be a more happier person and will make someone els a wonderful wife,
2006-07-25 13:03:43 · answer #2 · answered by Msthickmadem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, but your husband is showing the classic signs of a cheater!!!
Lets face it, where on earth could he possibly be until Midnite? As my grandma always told me, theres nothing open late night except LEGS and 7-11...and unless he was out buying lottery tickets at 7-11, my guess is he was in between some legs...Sorry hon...
Cut your losses and move on...it will be better then him bringing you home an STD, or having a baby outside the marriage...It will hurt if you leave now, but if you look at either of the other scenarios I just gave you, it will hurt ten times worse...Move on and find someone who will treat you right!
2006-07-25 13:03:41 · answer #3 · answered by Uh-May-Zing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you have a cheating man coming home to you. A little advise... Loose the marriage okay. If he is cheating on you god onlys knows who it is or how clean that person is, ya know what i mean? I just got divorced because of the same thing. Trust me when i say watch yourself. Talk to him, sit him down and say look are you getting it somewhere else honestly. Tell him if so you can go about your business and there are planty more fish in the sea. This could hurt your feelings but trust me it will not take long to live again.
2006-07-25 13:02:34 · answer #4 · answered by misty_caldwell2001 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not a door mat remember, don't waste your time with someone who treats you like that, its not safe you don't really know what he gets up to during this space thing, tell him you're ready to move on too so separation will not be a bad idea if he really cares he'll come back home and if he does you have to set boundaries, don't let him think that you will wait for him no matter what the case is, he took a vow to respect you, if he has any respect he wouldn't treat you like he does. Good luck and be strong.
2006-07-25 13:07:56 · answer #5 · answered by Lil mama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this but it sounds like your husband is feeling guilty about something. When you told him how devoted you are and how much you loved him, you made him realize what a crude he is.
Is there another woman?
I would tell him he needed to chose what he wanted and have the maturity to follow through. You are not a doormat.
I would fight for my marriage but not until he is honest about where he has been all this time.
You can't fight for him if you don't know what your fighting against.
Do you go to church anywhere? If you do take this before your priest or pastor.
2006-07-25 13:04:13 · answer #6 · answered by ellieannah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what would make him happy, he could be going through a spell right now and maybe as his wife you could help him with his problem.
I would say if you love him, then yes fight for your marriage, go to counceling if need be, let him know that you are there and want to do what it will take to make him happy and also to save your marriage.
I would also out right ask him if he wants a divorce and if that would make him happy and that should let you know if it is worth fighting for or not.
Good luck
2006-07-25 13:05:49 · answer #7 · answered by sweet_n_sassy2204 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should leave him, it's that simple. If he had a problem with you he would told you. You asked him many times what is wrong also apologized to him for whatever you might have done and you got no response.
He obviously has issues that don't wanna share with you. Don't ever apologies to him again, you did nothing wrong.
I think that he's pushing you to leave him, maybe this way he wont have to pay that much for the divorce. Think about that and ask advise from a lawyer.
2006-07-25 13:08:25 · answer #8 · answered by Bigfoot 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your man is doing more than just wanting space, honey. He's involved with someone else. Lock the door after midnight with a deadbolt and chain. He can sleep at his girlfriends house. Why would you want to put up with this crap and let him walk all over you? Be good to YOURSELF....he's not holding up his end of the marriage. As long as you allow this to happen, it will and it will be your fault.
2006-07-25 13:01:42 · answer #9 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to him and try to work things out unless he has gone to far already, my opinion he is the one that needs to have a reality check... here you are worried enough to ask for help and he probably don't even care if its worked out or not, seems to me he needs to see how many people are out there that could really care enough about him and maybe sometime apart will do it but I think couples should always communicate and talk about what is going on... hope this helps.
2006-07-25 13:02:39 · answer #10 · answered by T agent 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋