funny quotes?`?

Question

come up with funny quotes. as many as you want. and remember the winner gets 10 points.

Answer 1

Confuscious say: Man who stand on toilet get high on pot!

Answer 2

ok here we go--

1. bummer car sticker -- if you can read this i can slam on my brakes and sue you

2. for those who have found god -- put him back someone else may need him

3. He who lives in glass house changes clothes in basement

4. He who fishes in another mans well often catches crab

5. Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them

6. It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married

7. this ones kinda perverted but -- What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.

8. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

9. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

10. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

11. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

12. Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.

13. bumper sticker -- This delinquent is having sex with your honor student.

14. When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't no how to spell anonymous

15. Suburbia - where they cut down trees and name streets after them

Answer 3

I'll rip your lips off and kiss my a$$ with them sh*ts - dave chappelle in "blue streak"

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand - woody allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. - rodney dangerfield

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship - sharon stone

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-***** - jack nicholson

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps - tiger woods

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. - barbara bush

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? - dustin hoffman

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. - robin williams

Answer 4

"we're all black when the lights go out"-lil jon

"There will come a moment when you have the chance to do the right thing."- elizabeth swan
" I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by."- capt. jack sparrow

'Eating cardboard can ruin your life. You could end up in the street living in a box. Then you'll eat the box, and you'll be homeless."-Dan conor

[Ned has the ability to foresee one's death]
Ned Flanders: Homer, you will die eating a submarine sandwich.
Homer: What kind of bread is it?
Ned Flanders: Country parmesan.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Answer 5

"Not many people know this, but the Fuhrer was descended from a long line of English queens." - Franz Liebkind, The Producers

Answer 6

pulp fiction
what aint no country I heard of do they speak english in what

ace ventura when nature calls
If you were me then I'd be you and I'd use your body to get to the top. You can't stop me no matter who you are!

half baked
You have smoked yourself retarded.

castaway
WILSON!

Answer 7

I don't know who wrote this:

There is light at the end of the tunnel,,,,, except it's an oncoming train.

Answer 8

thanks

man who eats jellybeans farts in technicolor

if alcohol doesnt solve anything... neither does milk

the sad thing about being on time is that there is no one around to appreciate it

Answer 9

Fat people are brilliant in bed, if they are sitting on top of you who's going to argue

Answer 10

"You're tacky and I hate you!"
"You are fat and you have body odor!"
"Music!?!, Kiidds... sounds like Mrs. Mulligan is on crack."
"Don't be talkn' 'bout my bow-tie."