Is it normal to be extrememly bothered by the fact that I will be my fiance's third wife?

Question

He was married to someone else less than a year ago and the night we met she was moving her stuff out if his house. He proposed to her after only a few months while they were in a long distance relationship. He proposed to me after four months. Even though he swears that I'm different and she was an embarrassing mistake, and Im more in love than Ive ever been, Im wary. I feel like he loves me more than anyone else ever has, but another part of me feels like because of the way he rushes into marriage, his second wife and myself are simply replacements for his first wife. Especially since he sought out his second wife online shortly after his first got remarried. Is this insane jealousy? It's all I can think about and Im supposed to be planning a wedding!

Answer 1

The only thing I have to say is this:

If more women listened to their first initial feelings, their gut feeling, then they would not go through most of the hurt and heartache that they do.
LISTEN TO THAT INNER FEELING, THAT GUT FEELING......
And I will guarantee that 9 times out of 10 that it is correct.

Answer 2

Oh, Girl, I know personally where you are coming from. I am #4 and it really took me by surprise that I would even fall for a guy married 3 times before me. After I got to know him better, I understood why. Because he's romantic and thinks life is complete with a partner; and, also because he's easy going and rotten women will take advantage of him. Some men are like that: so sweet and kind-hearted that they give everything they have, and so he did. This time around, he's getting back as much as he gives and I'm so happy I married him and didn't let those setbacks make a difference in our life. I don't feel jealous about them at all. I say "thank you for not making him a good wife because then I would have never had him at all !"....God Bless.

Answer 3

You are starting out on the wrong foot as the saying goes. You either want to marry him or not, and you can't base things in the past on what's for the future. If you are jealous and don't have a real reason then you are heading for misery in the beginning of a new relationship. Any questions you have now need to be answered by your future husband to mean anything. Ask him so you won't cause a disaster with this marriage. There may be a side of him that he hasn't shown you that the other two figured out with time.

Answer 4

No it isn't insane...I was wife #3, almost the same scenario, except the same "friend" introduced us. I was proposed to 1 moth after we started dating, but we had known each other for 4 months, I said no, I wanted the ink to be dry on the papers before accepting a ring and a proposal. Two years later, we were married, last year in June, after only 6 years of marriage, I left and he moved his eventual wife #4 into our home 4 weeks after that and in November publicly announced their engagement...BTW, no papers have been filed for our divorce.

My advice, wait a year or so and see if it is true for you. It only takes one time to get it right, it's just which right time.

I hope you have true love and happiness all your life. Good luck and may God bless you both.

Answer 5

I'm just going through my second divorce. I was married for six years, and then I was married for twenty years. The first time was her idea, the second was my idea. I think I gave it an honest effort both times, but now I'm a little gun shy. I have started a new relationship and we have been together for six months. My girlfriend has never been married. I don't think I could go through the divorce thing again. I'm sure your finance is asking himself the same questions. I also have jumped into relationships too quickly in the past, but by the time I figure it out, I am too much in love to realize that we were not compatible. Just be careful and go slowly.

Answer 6

I am wife #3 for my husband as well (first marriage for me). We've been together for 15 years, married for 13. I tell him that it's either three's a charm or three strikes and you're out! LOL! Seriously, don't go by his past...everyone makes mistakes. Marriage is a gamble whether our partner has been married multiple times or never been married...there are no guarantees. What matters is how you feel about each other. Don't let his past stop you from being happy...it could actually work out!

Answer 7

I am my husband's 3rd wife...no worries here. We've been married 6 years. Although we didn't see each other romantically before she moved out, I moved in with him (unplanned) the day after she moved out (I actually just went over to help him clean up the mess she left behind and never went home), and we married on the day his divorce was final. You have a right to be concerned. I was too at first, but it is different for everybody. Try not to hold it against him. If you feel in your heart that it is right, then go for it, but if you are having doubts, don't do it. It really is that simple.

Answer 8

I think your gut feelings are dead-on. The fact that he *was* married sometime in the past isn't a big deal - but the pattern that he seems to follow in his marriages is a HUGE red flag. Of course, he swears you're different. He probably means it, and believes it himself. But I'm willing to bet he felt this same way about his second wife. People on the rebound are dangerous; trust your instincts. Doesn't mean you can't make it work, but I bet it will be very difficult once his euphoria wears off and reality sets in.

Answer 9

I would be, first of all after three marriages, it's time for this guy to take a long hard look in the morror. Second, he seems to rush full speed into marriage without knowing if it's right or not. This is (supposed to be) the rest of your life and you think you know enough to make that decission? Good luck.

Answer 10

Everyone always wants to be the first for their mate. I would be a little cautious because it sounds like he rushes into things. Marriage is not about the initial lust, but about stability and makeing things work for the long term.