my hubby cheated 2 months after our first kid was born... I took him back but can forget..its been 4 months and i dont think i love him n-e more.. i feel insicure.. ugly..fat..miserable... and have a big trist for REVENGE... He conplains why i dont take care of him n-e more.. why i dont caress him kiss him hug him,, u know.. why should I ?? I did that n more n he still cheated..? for what? he cheated he lied..he broke my heart?? he had no reson...?
I CAN NEVER EVER LOVE HIM AGAIN...! CAN I? SHOULD I?
2006-07-25 04:56:48 · 29 answers · asked by ce!y 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need independent counseling to work through your feelings and you both need marriage counseling to find out what went wrong. Without this - you will never be able to build trust and an understanding. Trust me - I have been there and I know.
2006-07-25 05:11:38 · answer #1 · answered by eyematch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are by all means obligated to feel angry, resentful and revengeful. So as you do not regret the choices you have made. You made a good point, you had loved him and did stuff for him but he still cheated, so why would he expect you to give the same love again? Because he wants to feel less guilty about his actions and the only way to do that is if you treat him the same and show that you have forgiven him. Make it certain to him that what he did was painful and hurtful. It will take time for you to heal as well as to forgive and forget. But if you cannot, it's best to move on.
Child or not, I would not be able to take a cheating husband. I would die surviving on my own than to look at his face every day. Moving in with my mom would be my first choice.
2006-07-25 09:17:23 · answer #2 · answered by jade11378 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to make this relationship work then you are going to show him some kind of a affection. When you forgive him, you have to put all that behind you. I know it's hard, but for your sake you have too. You need some counseling for you both, but you said you could never love him again, if you truley mean that then go...make a life for yourself with your children, and be happy, don't stay in a marriage that is making you sick. Don't let him make you feel ugly, fat and miserable..you deserve more than that. Talk to him, and tell him honestly that you are having problems with showing him affection, and he should be patient with you, and not expect you to jump right back into bed with him, he broke your heart and that time to mend. It is going to go away over night, so go slow..and easy...with things, if he can't give you sometime to deal, then honey, he is not worth it..I don't like divorce, but you have been torn up, and there is no easy solution. You are going to give a 100% and he is going to give a 100% or it's going to happen. I wish you good luck,and you have the baby blues on top of everything else, so a trip to the doctor maybe would help. The doctor could give you something for the depression you suffering from, and please take your time, and make the right decisions for all of you. God bless us all........
2006-07-25 05:24:38 · answer #3 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They expect it to be the same because they have apologized and you ether took him back or let him stay. Now that that is said lets talk about reality... I personally think you should have made him suffer as much as he made you suffer. you are not going to be OK with it yet, and maybe not ever you would be insane if you were ok by now. You have some big decisions to make, and the biggest one being whether you want him or not anymore.
If the answer is no, tell him he has to leave, this may give you the time to sort things through also if you are not sure,
If the answer is yes, I think marriage counseling will help you be able to work out your issues and be able to tell him your concerns and expectations, and make him confront his issues about why he cheated in the first place.
If you let him stay, whatever you do, let him know in no uncertain terms that if he ever thinks about cheating again he will loose you forever and you will be very Leary of his actions from now on.
Good luck
2006-07-25 05:17:05 · answer #4 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men expect us to understand because their mothers probably did. Has he ever apologized ? You have no reason to feel insecure,he is the one that has the problem, not you. If you can,get counseling whether he goes with you or not. Whether you can ever love him again,that's up to you. Revenge is not the answer though. I hope you think you are better than that. Somebody has to be the adult in this situation. Explain to him why you can't feel the way you used to about him. Ask him how he would feel if it had been you doing the cheating instead of him. Take it from there. Good Luck
2006-07-25 05:12:25 · answer #5 · answered by mrsreadalot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex was a cheater, trust and believe I know where you are. I would not kiss him, or do anything that did not involve a rubber.
The truth is that if you have chosen to stay in the marriage, then you need to act accordingly. You can't punish him forever, but it is still pretty soon as you just found out.
Perhaps counseling would work, or talking with your spouse. Why did he cheat? These things take time but if you still can't get over it perhaps the best thing to do is leave the relationship. That is if the bad outweighs the good.
2006-07-25 05:02:28 · answer #6 · answered by Lilly M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in kinda the same boat... my fiance cheated from 1-1/2 yrs ago up until a monthbefore our 3 month old son was born. I wonder if our relationship can even be saved. We argue all the time now and I don't trust him at all. I don't have an answer for you but just wanted you to know you are not alone.
2006-07-25 07:23:24 · answer #7 · answered by februaryfire23 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you can love him again. My boyfriend cheated on me and at first i felt just the way that you feel now...alone,afraid unattractive, but you have to let him know how you feel and tell him why you don't show him as much affection anymore because you can't trust him and your mad at him and that he's hurt you. Cheating is the worst thing to do and I'm sorry that you have to go through this but believe me i know how you feel. You need to tell him that it's going to take some time for you to have the feelings back that you once had for him , and in some cases you can never forgive a cheater. You know what they say "forgive but don't forget" Good luck and i hope everything works out for you.
2006-07-25 05:02:20 · answer #8 · answered by justme87 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
but why did you take him back the first place? you took him back to revenge by not kising him or don't care and some reason? My wife told me if I ever Cheating on her and she will end it and no question about. Her feelings will be stop and cold black feelings for me. and I never think or though about cheating my wife why becsue I love her so much more than anything in the world and she gave me 2 small children and it been 9 years.
I really hope you find a guy who really love you and not even cheating on you. and first of all you not fat becaue you just gave first child that why he bang other woman... me I still make love to my wife no matter how big she is. and you might want to start losing weigth because it not good for your health and do something for youself and once you do that and if he ever said my god you beautiful and then move on get out and let him learn the hard way.
I love my wife she was not big but beautiful woman and even if she get thin I don't care what size she is and I still love her and tell her how much i love her and kids and how lucky to have her in my life. and you didn't do anything to drive him to cheating and he did because all about himself not even stop think and say ummmmmmmmmmmm, no not good idea. youknow what I mean? Take care of yourself and kid and who care about that man complain that you not take care of him HUH?????? wow.
2006-07-25 05:14:00 · answer #9 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a relationship is just like glass that you should hold with so much care... not too hard that it may break neither too loose it might fall off. its just like glass that once you break it...even how much effort you put together itll never be the same again. its always easy to forgive but damn hard to forget.my hubby cheated on me 2years ago still the thought and feeling haunts me. btw we are married for 5years now...i gave him the chance he was asking for, granting that whatever changes that might happen we both should be able to accept it. and i keep on telling myself im doing it for my child...but as everybody say that should never be the reason to stay in a relationship...... a cheater will be a cheater and yes he did cheat again...its never ending story. first foremost if you decide..whatever that maybe, let it be something that you WILL BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE....meaning you might have afew regrets in making that decision but still it has made you happy.... and revenge will never help...you would just put the burden o conscience upon you...better yet..have a sweet revenge...do everything to feel good..when u feel good you look good...and that alone would make your hubby what a loser he is..
2006-07-25 05:26:53 · answer #10 · answered by ashlee-fia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for what you are going through. You said you took him back but actually you did not.
Taking someone back means loving, forgiving him and start all over again. It might sound harsh but you really need to decide if you want to take him back for real or not. If yes, then both of you deserve another love chance and have a beautiful life together with the baby.
2006-07-25 05:11:39 · answer #11 · answered by hotdesersand 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋