I have a very good female friend who has low self esteem. I tell her all the time that I think she is very attractive and if I was single (I am happily married) I would love to have a more intimate relationship with her. As it is, she has 4 men pursuing her. Yet she asked me today what she needs to do to make herself more attractive. Why is it that women, even attractive ones, have such low self esteem?
2006-07-25 04:44:54 · 14 answers · asked by bosco 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
If you turn the question around, it answers itself.
Why do women with low self esteem work hard to make themselves attractive?
It is one response to low SE - to work to improve an attribute that this society clearly values. That could be done through diet, exercise, make-up, clothing, delibrate study of mannerisms and style, etc.
Other responses are to think, "screw it" and become a couch potato or to work hard at in other arenas - work, humor, parenting, etc.
If she is a good friend, can you help her SE in ways unrelated to her appearance? Compliment her work, her as a friend, her skills or her laugh. If she is working hard to look good and yet not feeling good about herself, she would probably appreciate a vote of confidence in the other areas of her life.
2006-07-25 04:54:45 · answer #1 · answered by David in Kenai 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One possible reason could because of the way people react to them. Often a guy will act shy or withdrawn in the presence of woman that he believes is out of his league. That can be interpreted by the woman as a lack of attractiveness or some other shortcoming on her part, thus contributing to her low self-esteem.
2006-07-25 04:52:37 · answer #2 · answered by mistress9k 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Attractive women are sometimes homely while growing up. People tell me I am beautiful, but years of being treated like dirt all through school made a permanent dent in my self-esteem. Maybe she went through the same thing.
2006-07-25 04:54:20 · answer #3 · answered by art-nerd 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've also noticed that many attractive women tend to have self esteem issues. I think it stems from our competitive nature. Average girls aren't used to turning all the heads in a room and getting so much attention for thier looks. It's not something they are used to experiencing, so it doesn't cross their mind and they don't come to crave and seek it. They are free to focus on other things(like personality traits to make them more alluring). For an attractive girl, she gets used to high levels of attention and comes to expect it. With such high expectations, she is going to have to maximise the qualities that have become so valuable to her. That feeling of turning everyones heads and being the prettiest girl in a room is intoxicationg. It makes her very conscience when another woman comes along and steals her thunder. Many women will go through great heights to keep thier status. Looking great feels great, and noone aims to be second best. The beautiful woman might start focusing on her flaws and fixing them so that she always "wins." You may notice that hot girls, upon entering a party or a bar, will scan the room for competition.
This leads to the second cause of hot-girl sef esteem issues. It's totally natural for humans to compete with their peers. Thats how we get jobs/mates etc. Girls have a terrible tendency to tear each other apart. Men fight physically, girls fight with thier words, (namely by using gossip). Girls will especially pick on the girl they see as competition, and the prettiest girl is always seen as a huge threat to the other women and is thereby fodder for lots of gossip and put-downs! That means that tons of girls are looking at the attractive female and pointing out each and every one of her flaws to make them selves feel better and to tear the hot girl down. Subject to such abuse, its easy for the attractive girl to start taking these critisicims to heart and develop self esteem issues.
2006-07-25 05:11:15 · answer #4 · answered by Zariza Burgundie Rose 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Partly due to upbringing and/or lack of self-confidence. Could be because they spent most of their life being admired for what they are outside and rather than what is inside.
Since the world's opinion of what's beautiful outside keeps on changing in the name of fashion and trends, it sure is hell for someone who doesn't appreciate what's inside herself, to catch up.
2006-07-25 04:52:56 · answer #5 · answered by Son of Gap 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For most women like this, it's just something they do to get more attention. LIke when the 110lb girl says, "I look so fat" it's only so someone will say "No, you look great!" Sometimes there actually is a psychological problem, but usually it's the former.
2006-07-25 04:50:15 · answer #6 · answered by Candice F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Probably the same reason fat girls walk around in low rise pants and midriff baring shirts. They are delusional. Some people have confidence when they shouldn't, and the ones who are entitled to it don't.
2006-07-25 04:52:56 · answer #7 · answered by A nobody from Oklahoma 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They innately believe that their physique is the only thing they've got that's valuable (earns them status/respect/popularity, etc.), and think that any beauty flaw will knock them down from the top of the pyramid.
2006-07-25 04:48:56 · answer #8 · answered by terbiyesiz_herif 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because the world is full of liars, and we're programmed to believe that we're never good enough, never pretty, skinny...etc, as compared to the glamour of celebrities and other icons.
2006-07-25 04:49:10 · answer #9 · answered by Miss Kitae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not like that and I know I'm very attractive.
2006-07-25 04:50:58 · answer #10 · answered by Jessica B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋