How do you get your marriage to feel more like a marriage and less like roommates? With passion and intimacy?

Question

I've tried talking to him. Its like pulling teeth to get him to talk. I initiate the sex all the time. I'm so sick of it. I just want to feel like I don't have to make the first move. I want to feel like he wants me. I want him to be more aggressive, try harder. Not just for him, but for me. I feel like our sex life is more for him and not us. I have needs too! I tell him if I ask right away to do it again, that means I was not satisfied. The problem is, I'm asking all the time. His obvious answer is... I can't. Ok, well, there are other things you could use. It just seems like he doesn't want to bother with me.

Answer 1

I think passion and intimacy come from a sound loving relationship. Do you have goals in common? Do you make time to talk with each other? Do you do nice things for each other? If not, it's time to start.

It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Plan a picnic somewhere. Sit in the shade, chat, eat, sip a little wine, kiss. Or, if your budget is bigger, plan a couple's day or weekend at a spa. You'll both feel pampered and relaxed.

Either way, tell your husband you love him,. that your glad you're with him, that he's a good man and that you're proud of him. Then, tell him that you want to work on the marriage and make it better. (Don't start off by saying that something is wrong.)

Answer 2

Start by making time for passion and intimacy. Its easy just to get in the habit of daily life, get up to to work eat sleep etc. Try a nice evening out together with out children if you have them. Take a walk in the park together. Go camping with no radio, TV etc where you spend time together talking and other things. I hope some of these suggestions work.

Answer 3

You have to create the intamacy. Look at what really turns on your husband. When you find that out then put it in a desirable package. Example: He likes oral sex...well then give him oral sex but give it to him in a very romantic setting (i.e. bed...candles and soft music). You have the power in this area and it's up to you to set the stage. Make this a condition of the oral sex. If his level of passsion is not adequate for your liking then turn off the oral sex midstream and talk about passion. This is one way to create a change. Demonstration of pleasure...removal of pleasure...resumption of pleasure with required change.

Check out the following website. It can answer your questions better than I can. It will also give you a "bird's eye" view into a man's psyche.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good luck

Answer 4

You talk to your spouse and let them know how you feel. Ask for suggestions on what they would like out of the relationship to make things feel like a marriage for both of you. Don't ask an outsider who will end up using this to their advantage to cause more trouble than you'd expect (start an affair).

Answer 5

take more vacations together. Get away from the monotony of every day life. Take a cruise, go to an exotic island, or spend a few nights in a local hotel. order room service. Just enjoy each others company.

Answer 6

Nikki,

For my marriage it requires vision, not technique. Its a paradigm we both share.

We both set our goal to continually pursue each other, and continually walk toward each other.

A great paradigm is articulated in "A Severe Mercy" by Sheldon VanAucken. They have just a delightful model of a powerful, but achievable romance.

Answer 7

First of all, Dont wait for somethign to happen. If this is what you want, your going to have to step it up girl. Start with little things at first, light candles when you have dinner, start wearing perfume, make your hubby's bath for him and ask him if you can join him, start sleeping in silk or something sexy, treat him like a king.

Answer 8

Wow.. I think I tell my husband that we are only room mates about once a week. Hopefully someone has the answer to this, to help me too!

Answer 9

When you figure that out, please let me know too.