I am scared I don't know if I really want to have a baby right now!?

Question

I have been married for almost 2 1/2 weeks now and my husband and I was wanting a baby, it was more of me because I have had a previous miscarriage and I just cant stand the emptyness that I feel. I don't believe in abortion and him and I are not finacily ready for this. I am only 18 but he is 20. We have both agreed that we aren't ready for this but I don't know what to do and I am scared to death I just need some one to help me out or to talk to that may know where I am coming from

Answer 1

I do know where you coming from.When I find out that I was pregnant with my daughter.I was so scared.I didnt know the first thing about being a parent.But as time went by,I knew deep down inside that this little miracle was a gift from god and I wouldnt want to change it for nothing in this world.You are going to be okay.Just think of the little one inside of you that will grow.Then the little hugs you going to get and the I love you mommy.My daughter turned one this month and seems just yesterday that i took her home from the hospital.There are all kinds of little things that will mean so much to you about your little baby.Yes,money is always the subject when a new addition comes to the family.But if you know how to spend and save.You shouldnt be worried about it.Also if you dont have much income,you can get help with W.I.C and get help wtith medicaid for your doctor visits and hospital stay.Good Luck and God bless..

Answer 2

I would say that you have a big problem on your hands and this is far from the right place to come for answers. There are support groups in most areas that deal with pregnancy, both wanted and unwanted, and I am sure your local social services office, or even a church, synagogue, mosque, etc. would probably have references they could give. The problem with keeping the baby is a combination of both your financial status, plus your apparent immaturity to deal with the situation. That is not an insult, just a statement of what seems realistic. If you think of putting it up for adoption, you then will carry it, suffer through all the usual things a mother-to-be does, and then have to deal with giving up what has come from your womb when it is born; that is like abortion, except the baby lives and you suffer the separation. A lot of couples end up keeping the baby, which can be good and can be a disaster. Abortion is always a questionable situation. If you were 14 or 15 and in school, I would say it is a better choice than basically destroying your life and probably making the baby's future unstable and likely to be a rough one. Right about now the great anti-abortion crusaders are sputtering and fuming at my statement, but you can argue that any abortion is murder all you want, there are times when an abortion early in a pregnancy is just plain better for all, including that unborn fetus, if it will be born into a life of hardship.

There is no clear cut answer. You should talk to whatever support groups you can find, even check the newspaper classifieds or local Yellow Pages directory, talk to family, friends and, most important, talk to your husband. This is a joint decision and one that will affect the future of your family. Good luck.

PS: Unfortunately half the people who will respond on here have their own issues, or can't read and don't even understand that you are pregnant and unsure about keeping it, versus wanting to be pregnant. 'Nuff said

Answer 3

I wasn't as young as you when I got married...22 but I found out I was pregnant after we had only been married for two weeks as well...we didn't know what to do...my husband went full force into shock and started acting like a single man...anyway...

I know we didn't/don't have money...I don't think anybody can really afford a baby. I didn't/couldn't work because I was high risk. One you can get help from the state with medical card, if you don't have insurance. There is wic that helps with food/formula at your local health dept. There are garage sales that always have baby things.

So financially anything is possible trust me I know been there done that. Doing that still. But life is great. Our daughter while not planned has made our lives wonderful.

It will be the hardest year or so you will ever have...but don't give up on the idea of a family. Plenty of people have done it and so can you. :)

Just try to surround yourself with supporting loving people that will be there for you through all the good and bad. And try to enjoy it...the baby did not ask for this so you do what you can do best. Love yourself and your husband and try to get through this the best you can. Ask for help from whoever you need to. It is possible, anything is. This is your plan obviously...you will have to work with what you have. And after you have the baby get on birth control if you don't want children this young.

Good luck and {{{hugs}}}

Answer 4

I don't understand if you're with child or not based on what you wrote...

If not: Wait until you both are ready, financially, mentally, physically, etc. Knowing you're not financially stable is the best reason in the world to NOT plan a pregnancy yet...good things come to those who wait... It's wonderful that you love one another and want/are willing to plan for a family, so just keep building on that love until you're completely ready. Your love for each other will either grow, or fade. Continue saving money and preparing for the child you eventually would like to have, and pray, God will let you know when the time is right.

Don't get discourage because you had one miscarriage. It's so common today in women for some reason, and maybe that was just God's way of saying you weren't ready for it. At the same time, it's gonna be such a blessing when you are able to carry your child for 9 3/4 months, then give birth to that wonderful baby.

Congratualtions and good luck in love and life. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God Bless!

Answer 5

You need to take some parenting classes, or maybe even see a doctor, or get support from your family. Abortion is wrong, and should never be considered. You may be going through a tough time now, but I guarentee that if you had trouble getting over a miscarriage, you will have ALOT harder time getting over an abortion. Realize that your fear is normal and not unfounded, you are young, and this is a whole new thing for you. Just try to get some help, but mostly just have your family and friends close for support.
Good luck!

also, i cant tell or not, but if you ARENT pregnant, now is certainly not the time to have a baby, and I would wait a while.

Answer 6

I will make this short and to the point, you already have long answers to read. Basically, if you and your husband are both in agreement that you are not ready for this child, then consider contacting an adoption agency. I know many many people that want that oppourtunity to give that child a good life. Also, before you do consider talking to a counselor. I think you are "refusing" the baby simply beacause of your miscarriage, this child is not at fault. God is blessing you a second time around to have the chance to experience motherhood. Talk to your husband, maybe you will reconsider. There are all types of social services out there that can help you out. They will give you free milk for the baby...foodstamps...TANF...all sorts of agencies...dont give up God will help you

take care

Answer 7

It sounds to me like you're still in grievance from your miscarriage, and you say you are both ready yet you are 'scared to death'. It sounds very much like you want to replace your emptiness with a baby, which although babies are wonderful things, you still have to remember you have a brand new marriage to enjoy all at the same time. If you and your husband enjoy just being a married couple for a while, a few years even, you will probably feel happier and stronger mentally, you will have given yourself time to grieve and you may even be in a stronger financial situation which would be better for all of you.
I wish you the very best of luck :)

Answer 8

There will never be a "perfect" time to have a baby. There will always be something that seems to stand in the way. I was unemployed and my husband was only working part time when our now 3 year old came along. We were TERRIFIED , but everything worked itself out. Now I can't imagine life without her in it. There is a reason that you are pregnant. As scary as it is it will all be ok. Once you see that baby you'll know that it was meant to be. You don't have to be rich or live in a fancy house or buy your baby all name brands and new things to be good parents. All you need is love and trust me that will come the moment you feel that baby move.

Answer 9

At 18 you have rushed marriage a bit, and are not really ready. Get ready for adult life now by making wise decisions.

Do not make the mistake of rushing children just to prove your body works, it is still developing.

The time to try for babies is in 5 or 10 years when you are capable of being a great parent.

Answer 10

Sweetheart, if you are eighteen and married but don't want the baby, please give it up for adoption. You are not giving very much background information so it's really hard to give any use full advise. You said you and your husband have been married for 2 1/2 weeks, so were you pregnant and got married, or are you newly married and thinking about having a baby. Please give some added details so that you can get some intelligent advise if you are looking for it on YA. I am a nurse and would love to discuss this with you but I don't have enough info to fully answer your question.