what are the effects of shouting at an infant?

Question

i have a baby boy and he was really crabby last night waking me up at every hour. i got so annoyed i screamed at him that i hate him. now he seems distant and uninterested in interacting with me. i want to know how shouting at a baby affects the relationship.

Answer 1

Kiki girlfriend, you must be a first time mommy like me. It is totally normal to spazz out once in a blue moon at a newborn (and I don't care what anybody says about this). I too had my moments where I wanted to jump out the window. Once, I did tell my precious baby, when she was a month old to "shut up." She was crying and crying, and I just couldnt take it. It doesn't mean that I dont love her any less, or changed my mind about being a Mommy. My husband came home from work early the next day around 3p.m., to care for her so I could get some rest right? Well, I slept from 3-9:30p.m.!!!! I was just soooo tired. If at all possible, when you feel yourself getting to the point that you are just tired, fed up, frustrated, and any other negative emotion, call upon your spouse/boyfriend, parent, friend, sibling to help you, so that you can get some much needed rest. It' doesn't make you a bad parent to ask for help, or want to get sleep. And don't feel that you need to shell out thousands of dollars to a therapist. The only time you need to really step back and evaluate your actions in how you respond negatively to your child is if you acted this way on a daily basis over a significant period of time. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just be loving and caring with your son, and let him know that his environment is safe and secure.

Answer 2

"The worst thing that could happen to a child is having perfect parents."

He was scared last night. You're still scared. That he's distant and uninterested may be due to lack of sleep, or he's coming down with something. He didn't understand the words, but he understood that mom was different in a scary way. He did not understand that you were tired.

If you shout at a kid, it's not the end of the world. It just proves that you're human. What's VERY important is to reassure the kid after, make sure he feels that shouting doesn't mean "I don't love you anymore". If it happens again - and it probably will, though try not to use the same words - calm yourself down, then hug yer kid & make up. When he's older, you can explain why you were mad at him. Right now, explain anyway for your own sake, but don't expect him to understand what you're saying.

Shouting is by far better than hitting your kid. Find a way to be able to take a time-out when you're getting close to exploding. If his daddy's around, let him take over.

The fact that you post that question here tells me that you really want to be a good parent. Keep asking and talking with other parents. Parenthood isn't automatically achieved because you have a baby. It's a skill you have to train, like any other skill.

The wise-asses on this page that do nothing but add to your guilt should be ashamed of themselves. They probably don't have kids, or they'd know being a parent is the toughest job around at times, and that mistakes come with the territory.

Answer 3

He won't remember it this time and it probably won't do any long term damage, but if it becomes a habit, then it will become a problem.

Before you get frustrated and angry to the point of yelling, be sure that you've exhausted every reason you can think of why he would be crying. Is he cold? Does he need a diaper change and to be fed? Did he maybe bonk his head or catch his foot in the crib? Are his clothes too tight or fitting uncomfortably? Could he have a tummyache? Constipated? Scared? Teething? Read his body language and listen to his cries- you can sometimes tell if it's a "I'm in pain" kind of cry or just an "I'm not happy" cry. If you really feel that there is nothing else you can do to help him other than holding and comforting him, then just get comfy in a chair or on the couch and do just that.

Now, I have a baby boy, too. He's seven months. And sometimes he just screams bloody murder and I can't figure out why. He's just in that kind of mood. If it gets to me and I'm at the point I want to start screaming and yelling, I do. BUT- I put him down (somewhere safe- in a crib, highchair, playpen, whatever) and do it elsewhere. Not in front of him. Go to another room and scream all you want. You'll feel better and you won't be doing it at your baby. Besides, he's already crying and it's not going to hurt him to cry by himself for a minute while mommy gets her cool back.

Just keep in mind that he's not doing this because he wants to make you mad or annoyed. Crying is the only way he has to communicate to you something is bothering him. It might be a good idea to apologize to him and give him extra hugs and kisses- it will make both of you feel better. Also, if this becomes too much of a regular thing, talk to your doctor. Let him/her know about it so they can make sure it's not a serious problem.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Oh, hon, we have all had those moments - where either we've done that or wanted to...but, you really must do everything you can to contain yourself - if you need to go into another room and scream into a pillow, or whatever...shouting at him confuses and disorients him. It is typical for an infant to become distant. If someone you loved and depended on screamed at you, wouldnt you? Screaming at him will severely hurt his attachment to you in the long run. To preserve your bond with him, you must not continue the behavior. That being said, one time isnt going to ruin your bond forever. It may take him some time to get back to normal. However, if you keep screaming at him - his current style of behaving will become all he does. It will affect his relationship with you forever and his relationships with others for the rest of his life. The research on this is by Bowlby and Main - you can look it up yourself. It's on infant attachment. I had to learn all about it in graduate school. You are not a bad mom - you are just sleep deprived and at your wits end - but you must find another way to cope - either on your own or asking those around you for help and support. Screaming at your son is damaging in the long run. Hang in there!

Answer 5

Shouting At Baby

Answer 6

You should've never shouted those hateful words in the first place. I know it's frustrating, but that's the role you took on when you became a mother, either planned or unplanned.

I'm sure the shouting probably scared the crap out of your child for one and recalls the last time your child saw your face, you were screaming. How would that affect your relationship with someone who did that to you?

Answer 7

Kiki...I agree with Adjoadjo...
first time moms who are overtired and frustrated "lose it"... you are not alone... you are not the first person to shout at their baby. You are not a bad mom...just a tired one.
HOWEVER, if you have thoughts about harming your child then go get professional help...
do you have a community health nurse you can talk too to problem solve, a friend that can come over and watch your babe so you can get a few extra hours of down time..... once your fragmented sleep gets better.. the crying won't affect you so much...
your baby won't remember this one occasion... so hug and kiss and make up with him....you will both be okay!

Answer 8

You need to talk to a professional about your anger before you do something you will regret.

Seriously yelling at a baby who has no clue in the world is uncalled for. Yes it can be stressful but you had that baby and cannot expect for him to just not cry when you do not want him too.

Get yourself some help ASAP because we do not want to see you on the news like that woman who killed her 2 kids last week by burning down her house.

Answer 9

Give him up, its obvious and you your self said you hate him. Why in the hell would anyone in their right mind do such a thing...I have went threw post partum depression and would never hurt my children at all....for any mount of sleepless nights/days or even for them being crabby....your son was telling you that in some way he was either in pain, needed your attention...they don't know how to talk yet...you DO NOT scream at them....on top of it, if you loved him you wouldn't say especially on here that you HATE your son...geez's do you have any brains at all....A BABY....NEW TO LIFE....DOES NOT UNDERSTAND LIFE OR WHAT IS IN IT....WHAT FEARS ARE YET...OR EVEN WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF.....thinking of you first is a little selfish...I mean you gotta take care of you, but you brought that child in this world, you can help raise him and right....he needs his sleep as well and he needs to be comfortable...something hurt him you need to understand that.

Answer 10

Infants can tell just by our tone of voice whether we are happy or angry. Chances are he will forget that you screamed at him. Do you have anyone to help you with him? You are probably feeling guilty about telling him you hate him. My best advice is to get a sitter even if its only for a couple of hours and rest or get out with a friend for lunch etc. Sounds like you need a break!!