Feelings After Abortion.?

Question

I know most people dont admit to this but 7 months ago I had an abortion. I am 19, my partner (the father) didn't want the child, financially we wouldn't have been able to bring the child up without some sort of benefits.
My parents felt I would have been wasting my life by bcoming a Mum so young, it took me ages to decide what I was going to do and eventually I just went with what everyone wanted me to.

I have felt relief, guilt, regret, and anger at myself but the thing I cant get to grips with is my longing to fall pregnant again, I am desperate to have a baby .

I feel like this is wrong and means my child died in vain.

Does it make me a bad person for feeling I want a child?

Answer 1

I wish that you weren't being shamed by the people here for having legitimate feelings after making a big decision. Please check the website www.4exhale.org -- they will not judge you, and it is a safe place to talk about your feelings.

Hang in there. I will be thinking of you.

Answer 2

Its surprising to hear how many women have had abortions. I thought about it when I found out I was pregnant. The father and me werent close at the time and it was a really hard decision. I even went to the clinic but I cried the whole time I was in the waiting room and I just couldnt do it. I now have a wonderful 6 month old son. He is my second child. And things are going good. Sometimes I think about how I would feel if I would have gone through with it and I cant imagine the guilt and shame I would feel. But you did what was right for you and you cant change it now. You just gotta move on and get your life together.

Answer 3

you are not a bad person. I almost had an abortion when i fell pregnant at 19 when i was engaged. My family were not happy about it, but we decided we would go ahead. If you want a child that is your decision. You shouldn't feel pressured by family etc. Your an adult, its your choice.

I had an abortion back in november aged 22. I was pregnant for the 3rd time. I HAD to give up the babe tho as i could not cope physically. It was hard to do, and i still wonder whether it would have been a boy or girl, what kind of personality they would have, what might of been. and i feel guilty for taking away that babies chance at life.But it was not old enough to think, breathe etc. I just had to put my other kids first, but don't let it make you feel guilty

Answer 4

No it doesn't make you a bad person for feeling you want a child.

The trouble is, why do you want a child? Do you want it to replace the one you "lost" because you feel bad about ending the pregnancy? Or do you want it because you really want the experience of being a mom?

The child that died in vain, as you put it, can never be replaced. No matter how may children you give birth to, you can never replace that one.

The real problem here is the fact that you did what every one wanted you to do. You do not do what you wanted to do. Before you become pregnant again, you need to deciede what you will do if pregnancy does happen again. Do you succumb to everyone elses wishes or your own wishes.

Answer 5

I had one when I was 17. I didn't get any of those feelings. I know I made the best decision. If I had to go back in time and do it over I wouldn't change a thing. I did not consult the father of the pregnancy until after it was done because I felt it was my decision and mine alone. He was upset when he was told but...I don't know what to tell him about that. As the mother, you are the primary provider of the child and therefor it makes it your decision and yours alone..in my opinion. Men can and do easily bail.
It taught me a lesson in responsibility and showed me more about what I wanted for my life. I grew up quickly after that.
That was 14 years ago..I now have 2 beautiful boys and a husband that is a wonderful father to his children. If I hadn't done what I did, I wouldn't be the person I am now. And more importantly I wouldn't be the mother I am today.

Answer 6

if you are not financially prepared to raise a human being that you should not have a baby. Where a condom or get some birth control. Abortion is murder. And you will most likely have theses feelings for along time. You should speak to your doctor about going to counseling or a support group for young girls who are having the same issues. Why are you desperate to have a baby? I am 24 and i jsut got engaged. I am waiting untill i am married to have a kid. My fiance makes 40,000 a year and i will be graduating college this year for early childhood teaching. Dont you want to finsih school, go to college and become an adult before raising a child? The past is the past, get help and move on hun. Everyone wants a baby becuase they are "cute" but think about the responisbilites... you are still a kid.

Answer 7

I myself am thinking about having one because my husband and I aren't ready and were not financially either. I am only 18 and he's 20, I feel bad that I am wanting this and I know I want children, but I believe in the end you'll be better off. Cause one you can wait and spend more time with yourself and your partner. You can go to college, get a great education and do what you want. You can have as much fun as you want. But I just want you to know that is doesn't make you a bad person for the feeling of wanting a child.

Answer 8

I think you should have taken more time to think what was best for your feelings and your unborn child. Did you ever think of open adoption their are people that would love to just take care of a baby and still let that baby have contact with their birth parents. I don't believe in abortion but not saying you're bad or anything I do think that it should be up to the person. I think now what you're feeling is guilt and that's totally natural you might want to get some counseling to come to terms with your going through. It doesn't make you a bad person to want another child but please don't have one until you're financially stable and can take care your child properly.

Answer 9

No for the most part most women go through the same thing. Even after having the baby there is a separation issue that it takes time to work through. You grow a special bond that is as strong as it gets. So feel bad about losing a child and be careful this time around. Wait until you and your guy are on the same page and you can take care of your child.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Personally i don't agree with abortion. Unless there is a risk of illness and death to the mother. If you didn't want a baby at that time then you should of used contraceptives. If this baby was an accident then adoption would of been such a better choice. there are thousands of childless couples wanting babies. As for your reasons..........If everyone waited until they were financially secure then hardly anyone would have a baby let alone more after. I'm not exactly well of but i get by and my children are happy with my love. As for you considering another baby now i would say wait. You are only wanting this baby because you feel guilty about the one you aborted.

Answer 11

You're a woman...it's in most women's DNA to want a child I think (few of us, like myself, never have the desire). Just be responsible and practical...wait until you can support a child and give it what it needs...your abortion didn't cause a child to die in vain, because it wasn't yet a child...no reason for guilt or remorse...you did what was best for you, it was a brave decision, and I commend you for thinking it through and going with what you felt was right and best for all of you...

Someday you may have many children...have as many as you and your partner (if you have one) want and can support and provide for...but wait until that time comes...it may be soon, it may be years down the road...but you've got a lot of fertile years left, there's no rush...

Take care of you...