Women only please?

Question

Is there a specific age when a woman's sex drive becomes lower? My wife is 26 years old and she has zero sex drive. She recently stopped taking the birth control pill a few months ago because she kept having to switch them around for years because she could never find one that her body could get used to, so she finally just stopped taking it. We've had some problems recently but they mainly stemmed from her not wanting sex and me becoming upset and rejected because of it, possibly making things worse. Any thoughts on this? I don't see it changing anytime soon, so how do I handle things in the mean time until she's ready to be intimate again. Thanks for your help.

Answer 1

She should really have an overall physical and talk to her gyno about her situation. It could be anything from medical to emotional. In the meantime you the only thing I can see you doing is pleasuring yourself until she's ready.

Answer 2

Your wife's sex drive is not lower because of her age, you can be certain of that. There are many reasons she may be feeling this way, but her age is not one. Could be that she has a low level depression, could be she has a bad self-image and doesn't feel attractive enough, could be she had bad experiences with intimacy in the past and doesn't want to be reminded of those. It could also be that she's upset with you about something else entirely, and isn't even consciously aware of doing this to distance herself from you. It could also be the way you approach her. Most women need time and tenderness from their mate to "get in the mood". I don't mean to blame you--just want to cover all the bases, so to speak. Also, if you don't want a baby, and she can't take the pill, she may be worrying about that too. Probably, if it's causing problems between you, it would be a good idea for her to get a check-up to make sure it's not a physical problem, and if it isn't that, consider some couple's counseling. Whatever you do, don't act angry or accusing--you will only make her feel worse about it.
I would not just ignore it, though. I had the same problem with my husband not being as interested, let it go for YEARS, and finally discovered that he thought it would "offend me" if he told me how often he REALLY wanted to have sex. Not sure if that's true or not, but I wish I'd made it more of an issue when I was your wife's age. I wasted a lot of time being frustrated when I didn't need to be.

Answer 3

Not really at 26 years old. I think that she's subconsciously freaked out about the chance of getting pregnant now that she's off the pill. Plus, her hormones could be out of wack from just having gotten off of them. Please note how you are approaching her. Grabbing, gropping, etc. is not romantic. Plus, with how things have been going between you two, she probably is suspicious that every approach by you has sex as the mission. I recommend the following;

1. Give her some time. Don't keep bringing up the subject. Keep your trap shut about sex for two weeks. Sorry, but Rosie's going to have to be her stand in just a little while longer.
2. After two weeks, plan a ROMANTIC evening. Dinner out, or a nice candle-lit dinner at home, bottle of wine, etc. You need to "seduce" her, not make her feel bad for how she's feeling.
3. Give her a nice, thorough massage (not limp wristed)
4. Say nice things to her throughout this two weeks.
5. Give her an apology...a card or something...for the pressure you've put on her lately. Yes, suck it up big guy and swallow that pride. If you love her, you will do these things.

Don't worry, you won't have to do this EVERY time. This should get you both back into the swing of things. If it does not, then counseling should be the next step, and perhaps a private investigator to do a little checky-poo on what she's been doing in her spare time. :) Good luck!

Answer 4

It could be anything. It is possible there are things going on in her life that are making her put sex on the backburner. Is there something you could or couldn’t be doing? I don't mean to sound like it's your fault but maybe she enjoys sex but there is something that she would like or doesn't like in bed that you do together but she is afraid to voice it to you so instead is just not having sex.

Are you being intimate with her outside of the bedroom? Do you talk to her...more importantly listen to her? Do you touch her and give her affection without sex being your ulterior motive? Tell her she's beautiful, compliment her physical beauty as well as what's on the inside. Don't pressure her to have sex with you. Wait for her to initiate and don't burn her when she does.

If she just stopped taking birth control it could also be that her body is readjusting to not having the additional hormones. Stopping and starting birth control can have different affects on people.

Try not to take this personal. I am sure she loves you and is not doing this on purpose. Whatever you do, don't go outside the marriage for sexual gratification. Find other ways to satisfy yourself in the meantime and keep reminding yourself that you are a great person and worthy of her love.

If nothing seems to work maybe there is a problem that runs deeper and you need to seek outside help like counseling to fix it. Anyway I hope things work out for you and good luck.

Answer 5

I've got the same problem and I'm 28 - been on birth control pill since I was 21. It really lowers your sex drive because mine is zero too. I actually switched brands recently to try to help bring it back - which I hope happens soon. Be patient with her - these things unfortunately take time.

Answer 6

I don't think theres a specific age. I know that women go through phases and cycles in their life. And I know it all has to do with their surroundings, stress, work, their diet. You know how we are, everything effects us. Im sure it has a lot to do with her stopping the birth control. That really effects your hormone levels. All I can tell you is stick with her and try to talk with her as much as you can. Keep the communication lines open between the two of you. You may have to make friends with misty palmer and her 5 sisters (if you know what I mean) for a while. But give it some time, things will get back to normal again.

Answer 7

Judging from your other questions.......most likely the problem is that she has lost interest in YOU sexually. I am just being honest because I have been there and that is the reason that I didn't want to have sex. You need to spice up your sex life to get her interested in it again. Buy her some sexy stuff from Victoria's Secret. They have the cutest pajamas as well as sexy lingerie...you could buy some cute PJ's for her to sleep in and a sexy babydoll or teddie in her favorite colors. Also...try getting yourself some sexy pajamas as well. Silk or satin pajamas are sexy on a man...you could also wear some nice cologne, light candles, buy some champagne or wine and ask her if you can give her a body massage. Act suave and self confident not desperate to regain her interest. If you really want to spark her interest ...get some thong underwear for yourself...and her. Buy her a sex toy and ask if you can use it on her. That can really be fun in the bedroom. You guys are too young to not be having hot sex...at least weekly. I bought a book called "Female Ejaculation & The G-spot" by Deborah Sundahl. It teaches men and women how to get a woman off and how to make a woman squirt ejaculate...very fun. I suggest you buy it and read it with your wife. It will open up a whole new world for you two. Check out this website for some other good books about sex.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=br_ss_hs/103-8902900-0219044?platform=gurupa&url=index%3Dblended&keywords=female+ejaculation

Answer 8

For one is this question because you care about your wife or because you want to get laid?

I am 27 and have been married and with my husband for 12 years...we have only been with each other. And I know we have ups and downs. I was on the pill for 7 years and it has hormones in them...they can mess up how we feel.

Mainly from my experience...I do have down times when I don't want to have sex..sometimes...but it usually stems from my husband not giving me attention. Or any other stress factors in every day life. If you want her to want you...foreplay starts outside of the bedroom starts days ahead of the time you want to have sex.

Like with helping her out on a daily basis with everyday things...dishes/laundry/anything that stresses her out or just to give her some relief. Have a date night and make her feel special...by doing things ahead of time surprising her...anything tell her how much you love her and tell her what you think about her physically and otherwise.

Most women sex is more than physical...for men it's physical...so you have to fix what's going on in her head..well not fix but help. So she can get to that point.

And try not to feel rejected...and do your part...and don't make her feel badly about not wanting to...it's her choice. Disrespecting her will not get you anywhere.

Good luck!!! Get off the computer and go give your wife a hug and kiss...just because not because you want to get some.

Answer 9

Sometimes a woman needs romance to boost her sex drive. Take her out, make her feel special and love on her, not just sex but other ways. It may just be that she isn't feeling the urge because of lack of romance. If you are really concerned you should also talk to her, be straightforward and ask her what is going on ( be honest but not brutal) and she may consider going to a specialist to see if everything is ok. Pills can also lower a sex drive, so you might notice a difference once they get out of her system.

Answer 10

Maybe it's all those pills that have decreased her sex drive. I've heard that the sex drive is best when a woman is around 38 years old. don't know if this is true or not. If you want to help improve her libido then help her with chores that she normally does. vaccuming, Dishes, laundry, cooking, helping with children. This may make her happy and who knows..maybe you'll get some? it certainly would make me more aroused if my husband did this stuff.

communication is a must! Talk to her. Tell her you love her so much whether you do or dont' have sex.

Answer 11

There is no age that automatically causes this. Many factors go into a decreased sex drive.

My advice is DON'T BE A JERK about it. Just confront her in a nice way, tell her you are worried about her, and ask her to please make an appointment with the doctor. If that doesn't work, then ask her to go to at least ONE counseling session, because obviously this is having a HUGE impact on your marriage.

Good luck. Remember that while sex is an important part of a marriage, it isn't EVERYTHING.