How do you know that your husband is going to be a good father?

Question

Okay, so i'm not quite ready to get married yet, but i still think about this. What happens if you are totally in love with someone and know that they are the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, but they end up being a bad father. I'm very open minded so I know that if my children were to be gay, or different in anyway, i would accept them no matter what and love them unconditionally...but how do i know my husband would feel the same?

and not even just when it comes to that, but how do i know that if we were to separate that he wouldn't be a dead beat dad? my own father left several years back and i haven't heard from him since, he doesn't help my mom out at all, and he never wants to see me or anything.

how do i know my husband would be involved with my children and love them even if things between us fell through?

Answer 1

Watch how he is with other children. Also don't be afraid to ask a question here or there about "What if" What if your child was gay? What if your child needs severe discipline? What if they were caught stealing? Being intimate way too young? And so on. Don't ask these too often or they can create their own friction in your relationship if you don't agree, but by doing this, you will get to hear how he feels on these tops. Watch his body language and hear his tone too. They will also give you tips on how he feels on the subject. :)

Answer 2

I think about this alot as well. I met my now husband in highschool and while he was the best guy I'd ever known...you never know how they will end up...everybody changes and you really can't control it at all.

I was lucky and my husband has grown into a really great dad, very involved.(with the help of me pushing him along a bit, it has taken sometime but now our daughter's four and he has done his part even with working 11 hour days, he even takes her fishing and out and about with him, which alot of dads don't) It's taken alot of growing up on his part as well. I don't plan on divorce...but if he did decide to leave at some point...I don't know how he'd be...really people grow and change and you never never know.

So all you can do is start with a loving relationship with a great person and hope for the best. Even you don't know what kind of parent you are going to be, not until you are there in the moment. All we can do is our best and hope.

:)

Answer 3

Your concern is pretty understandable, considering your past. There's of course no guarantees to making the kind of determination you need. But if the two of you are seriously heading in the direction of a life long marriage, then I think it reasonable to sometime, at a comfortable moment, talk about all these issues between you two. It's not something for 'any moment', but I think very appropriate to introduce. And you might also look at his own family and roots. Does it look his parents are responsible people, level headed, still together, similar moral standards as your own, etc. It may give clue as to the environment he grew up in. But I still like the idea of two people being able to discuss these things before marriage, so that there are no surprises later that could affect the stability of the relationship.

Answer 4

then he not the good father... Look at me I am male and My wife and I talked about what if son gay how would you feel and she tell me and she ask me the same question same I don't bother me.. and we talk alot what will happen if kids did that what will you do kind of thing. So start asking him questions and see what his answers will be. If all answers that you don't llike then not good idea to be married reason why because that I am married man and I know i become best father since I was abused by mom dad and now I change it and to be best father to my kids.

There a man out there who sit down and talk about what happen if this? or that? and if you don't do that will be biggest problem.

Answer 5

It is a little bit of faith, a little intuition, and a little bit of research on your part. My biological father was a deadbeat so naturally I had this concern about my future husband. You know how they say that the best way to see how a man treats a woman is how he acts towards his mother? The same goes for children. Look at how the guy is with kids. Does he genuinely like children? How does he talk about them? What are his views on custody and single mothers? Does he think child rearing is only the woman's job? How is he with his nieces, nephews, friends kids etc.?

I did this with my own husband when we were dating. He worked as a camp counselor in his teens, he was crazy about his nephew and still is. He talked about having kids of his own and his values, how he hoped to bring them up etc. I ended up with a great husband and dedicated father to my son.

Answer 6

It really tough to know. Sometimes guys really step up to the plate and become great fathers. Sometimes, someone you think would be a great dad, isn't. Overall, I would look to the type of person that he is. Patience is critical. What is his relationship like with his own father? How is he around kids now?

But it is very difficult to gauge how someone will react in the future. Life has a way of throwing people curveballs. Some people adjust their swing and hit them out of the park; others whiff.

Answer 7

Check out the teaching series Things Singles Do to Mess Up Their Lives @ http://www.enduringtruth.org/catalog.asp by Paul Sheppard.

You can hear him for free @ http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/enduring_truth

Go to the local Christian church and listen to the gospel message and turn your life over to Christ so that you can receive supernatural guidance and experience the love of your Heavenly Father who will never let you down.

Then find yourself a good Christian husband who is committed to living his life God's way and remaining married for the rest of his life and raising your children according to the precepts found in the Bible.

If you do that, you will have greatly increased the odds of getting what you are asking as well as having the blessed assurance that comes from being reconciled to your maker.

Answer 8

You jsut have to trust that the man that you have children with would be good to them. Not everyone is a dead beat dad, and not everyone leave their children. There are plenty of good fathers out there. Try not to worry yourself so much, because you can't control it anyway.

Answer 9

The answer to all your questions is,You don't know. When you meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with,you ask him all the questions about being a father ,that you want to know. Whayever you do,do not judge all men by the way your father treated his family. Men are as individual as are women.

Answer 10

You don't....and you won't untill the time comes for this man to step up...thats what sucks about marrage and having children...you never know if things are going to work out or not. I married my highschool sweet heart. we had a child, and he was ******* worthless.....I did everything my self....plus held a full time job, so i figured why waste my time with him if i'm going to do everything myself....so i left....and he's a terrible father. I'm sorry to say it, but you may never know untill its too late. Try talking to your boyfriend and feeling out some of his views on life are.....that will give you a clue as to what your heading for!!!