Why Can't I Leave My Marriage?

Question

13 years w/ my wife and there's been many times I wish we never met. We married for the wrong reasons and I've never been truly happy.

Now I found out she's been fooling around w/ another man but rather than be happy about it and use this as an oppurtunity to get out of our crappy marriage instead I am completely furious! Why is this? What is causing this hypocritical behavior? All I want to do is beat the ever loving s h i t out of this guy!

Answer 1

Because you are a half glass empty kind of guy.

Because to you the grass is always greener over there until someone starts wanting to mow your grass, then you start fueling up your mower and revving your engines.

Because you care more about what strangers think of you. You care much less about how your actions hurt others. You can only feel when others hurt you. Everything people do is percieved as a personal an attack on you because you spend every waking minute on the defensive. You climbed into a lovenest with a battleplan and refused to modify your game so that you could enjoy the ride. Because it's all about your discomfort and if everyone isn't catering to your needs every minute you pout and protest.

You have been punishing her and yourself for 13 years for getting together for the "wrong reasons". Wasting time wishing you never met instead of making your life together meaningful. That is so cruel to you and her. Your resentment led you here. Your negativity paved the way. Your inabilty to be happy means people eventually stop trying to make you happy. You are exhausting. So, she went on an emotional vacation with another dude.

The good news is that you can be cured of being so damn miserable all the time.
Cheer up and repeat these mantras as often as needed:
"No Self Pity, No Blame."
"Tolerance and Compassion"
"My life will rock as long as I make it rock."
"It's never too late to get it back!"
"Never underestimate the power of denial!"
"Yes! I see the humor in it and I CAN MOVE ON!"

Deny all negative thinking. Think only positive thoughts.

Even contemplating violence is just you being a total choker and self-destructing due to your negative thinking once again!!!!!!

It's time for you to get tired of your own bullshit. Look, a guy who has to bang another guy's wife is a sad little boy who should barely conjure up your pity let alone a valuable emotion like rage which should be reserved for real tragic loss. You are addicted to being a victim. You've been living on heavy doses of regret and you will continue to create worse and worse situations for yourself to feed your addiction.

Anyway, it's so retarded to say you did anything for 13 years without enjoying some aspect of it.

Answer 2

Even though your haven't been happy for a long time you still feel you owe it to the marriage to hang in there. If there are children involved then thats the reason you've stayed. I think the reason your so angry is this.... Your miserable and misery loves company. I think you should really consider moving on because it appears she already has. Dont fly off the handle and hit the guy. Remember it takes two and shes involved too. She may be waiting for you to make such a move to use it against you. She hasnt bee all that happy either from the sounds of it and this could be her excuse to file first. And you dont want assault charges against you on top of it all now do you? What you could do is when you see the guy, shake his hand and tell him he did you a big favor and that shes all his.

Answer 3

You're feeling like this because regardless of how you feel about her, she was yours. For her to give a piece of herself to some other man doesn't allow you to have control over the situation any more. You wanted to be the one who left the marriage, not her. You also don't like the fact that some other man is going to take something from you that belongs to you. You now want to stay because you want to be the winner. This usually happens with women, but it is not uncommon in men.

I understand why you feel the way you do, but you need to understand that this is not about your wife. You don't really want her, you just don't want anyone else to have her until you're done with her. Also, the guy is not your problem, your wife is. You want to beat him up because it's easier than being upset with your wife.

The best thing for you to do is stick to your original plan and leave her. Obviously this marriage was over a long time ago and the only thing that you are doing is prolonging the agony and the inevitable.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

if u r truely unhappy then leave and stop wasting more time. Dont look back a year from now and be in the same situation. If your wife loved you, she would not have cheated on you. Take a break work out what you need to do to get YOUR life in order...stop thinking about the relationship and put yourself first now.

Answer 5

Sounds like she found happiness somewhere else and your hurt because you didn't. The best thing for you to do is decide if you want this relationship and if you can forgive her. If not, get a divorce and find your happiness!

Answer 6

I have no idea why you can't leave...you'll have to answer that one for yourself. The reason you want to beat up the other guy is because you has strayed into what you feel is your territory, whether you love her or not. Yes it is very hypocritical...get a divorce.

Answer 7

youre angry because you stayed. all the unhappiness over the years, all the fights, all the hardtimes, all the "i wish i could leave" thoughts, all the "why did i marry this person" thoughts, all of the " ill make it work, ill try to keep it together" thoughts and sooo many others. you were faithful and kept your part of the bargain dispite the fact that you really wanted out. she didnt. your angry because you stayed. you did what was right. she didnt.

Answer 8

your angry because youve stayed out of guilt for her and this is how she pays you back maybe she felt the same way you did look at it as a way to finally be loved by the person your life needs to be happy ,kicking his but is only going to get you a record.no kong fu just kidding i wish you well you deserve better

Answer 9

you feel this way because of 13 years its normal but if you want out you shouldn't have waited so long you need to ask yourself if this is something you want if not you need to get out now don't make yourself and her miserable if there are children involved they would be better off in two happy homes than one miserable home

Answer 10

Maybe you were happier than you thought with her, or maybe it's because she took the opportunity to cheat that you didn't.