My husband stopped having sex with me. I want to go outside of my marriage. what do you think?
we talked with a marriage counselor. that didn't work. i have not gained weight. i tried doing kinkly things. that didn't work. there is no other woman. he's not gay. said he's just not interested anymore. said he could do without it. i figure that's his choice...not mine.
Additional Details
1 month ago
he has no problem"getting it up". he is not stressed out on the job. we have no financial woes. home life is calm. he just doesn't want it. do i stop having sex because he wants to stop having sex?
2006-07-25 01:11:22 · 20 answers · asked by Cynamin 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oh. i forgot to mention that this has not been one month ago but going on for 5 yrs now. counseling has not worked. medication he will not take. talking does not work. crying does not work. sexy outfits has not worked. other than no sex he is wonderful and caring. i'm 43. he's 55. he was never highly sexed but now he just doesn't want to and he said...it's just something i can do without. sigh. i don't think i need to tell you where this is leading to.
2006-07-25 01:38:33 · update #1
I am not sure what the underlying issue may be with your husband...but have you considered...just having foreplay...I mean just kissing passionately like 7th graders... perhaps doing things that are a bit more simple and preliminary steps before having sex may get him to enjoy it. Another thing is...have you considered having a threesome or swapping partners, many people do that to bring excitement back into their lives. Another thing you can do is watch a porno with him, and while it's playing ask him if he likes anything he sees and if he would like you to try to do the same thing? If that doesn't work, perhaps you should go away for the weekend and go have a fling in vegas...because as they say whatever happens in vegas stays in vegas...so ...
If you don't want to go outside the marriage, I recommend you talk to him about how this makes you feel and that being in a marriage not only means being committed to each other but also means taking care of each other and putting each other's needs first. Tell him how that you have needs, and as your husband he has to fulfill them...and tell him it doesn't have to be everyday but it should be something that should happen as often as possible. Sex isn't just physical satification, it is also an emotional connection you feel when you have sex and if he doesn't have an emotional connection with you than you and him need to take a break and figure out what is wrong and why. There may be an underlying issue even he doesn't know exists. Many people go through sexual withdrawal due to resentment or because their partner has done or said something that upset them and eventhough they say nothing is wrong deep down inside there is an issue.
Furthermore, ask him to write you a love letter and ask him to express how he feels about you, what he wants from your relationship, what he doesn't want, if he is mad at you about anything, if anything about you or the marriage bothers him and how he thinks this relationship can improve. Perhaps when he writes something down you will find out what may be his problem. Maybe you can give him a journal and tell him to write all his thoughts in it...and maybe whatever is bothering him will be revealed and then you can work on fixing it.
2006-07-25 01:28:19 · answer #1 · answered by monavyas15 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You should go outside the marriage for sex, NEVER. How ever you do have needs and your man does need to step up to the plate. If you don't feel that you can be patient and need sex that badly then tell him you want a separation, I only say this because I am big on not cheating in your marriage. You promised not only your husband, but you also promised GOD to be faithful, don't do that to your man or to GOD. Try to tell your husband that you have gotten to the point where you need sex and you really don't want to go outside the home for it, but you feel like he isn't giving you much of a choice. This is telling him that it is a taught in your mind. Good luck sweetie......again please don't cheat I'm sure that you are better than that, be strong I know that you most be frustrated.
2006-07-25 01:25:36 · answer #2 · answered by angel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he just needs some attention other than sexual. Give him love and support, lots of hugs and kisses. Snuggle with him at night, have lots of actual contact with him through out the day, start the wooing him process all over again.. Be sweet, and kind and caring, even though inside you are screaming' what the heck is wrong with you, you freak' Maybe he just need compassion right now, bear with him, go to a local adult store and buy yourself something to give him more time before you cheat.. Just what I would do, give him time, he may be going through something that he's not quite ready to talk about with you yet, be patient... If you love him , you will wait until he's ready
2006-07-25 01:21:43 · answer #3 · answered by noahsmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How could he be so selfish and only think about himself? It is his duty to satisfy you sexually. He may not be interested but he should just do it for you unless he has a problem. Could it be something that you did wrong and he could get over it?
Years ago, a male friend of my stopped having sex with his wife. His wife cheated on him and he just could not do it with her anymore. each time he tried to have sex, the images of his wife having sex with the other man just runs through his mind. We live in a country where it is taboo to think about getting a divorce.
I am not implying that you cheated on him. I just wanted you to think what caused him to be what he is today. You said he did not have any problem getting up. So the problem must be in the mind. Open up and discuss. You need to know the problem before you can solve it. Good Luck
2006-07-25 01:59:58 · answer #4 · answered by Lost Sheep 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could be having health issues. If he is taking meds this could be the culprit. On the other hand, I cannot get up with my wife because she is a ***** all the time and who want to have sex with a dog. NOT ME!!!
You need a marriage check up to see whether the problems are caused by you or something else.
2006-07-25 02:02:47 · answer #5 · answered by Billie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have his testosterone level checked, this is the main sex drive in men and yes in women, as you get older this hormone diminishes.
They have patches, the guys puts on his arm, back or chest, the skin will absorb the hormone into his body, it will take a few days to work, there is also a cream you spread on his body. Careful if you put it on, it will increase your sex drive, but also increase aggression.
A quick solution, are injections that last about a week or two.
this will help to make him a stud.
2006-07-25 07:05:30 · answer #6 · answered by Juggernaut 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you tried everything i was going to suggest.Obviously there is a reason he not interested in sex anymore.Most guys live off that lol.You said he was fine a month ago and now all of a sudden hes supposedly not interested.As you get older i think the sex drives go down.He obviously has something going on either mentally or physically maybe taking him to a dr and find out whats going on.Tell him you love him very much and you need that closeness to him.
2006-07-25 01:24:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok NO dont go outside of your marriage, i doubt he's doing this on purpose.. and this would be a really lame excuse to cheat on your spouse for when there are so many women that are physically and verbally abused everyday.... and ur complaining cause your husband has the lack of desire..does it suck.. HELL YEAH IT DOES.. does it make us feel like less of a woman.. YEP... makes us feel insecure and not attractive.. but hun, thats not the problem.. the problem is in himself and he doesnt understand it.. and he simply could have a low testosterone level.. just like women go and get on estrogen when they go through menapause men to as they get older can have a low level of testosterone.. so instead of going to counseling u need to take your man to the doctors and see if theres something medically wrong with him.. i mean wouldnt u feel like absolute crap if you cheated on him just to find out he had a medical condition that he couldnt control????????? I know id feel like dirt..
You took a vow to him, to give yourself to him.. in good times and in bad, and sickness and in health and look at u first sign of problems that he cant even help.. ur ready to go and cheat on him.. hun go get urself a discount card for the nearest adult book store and go get urself stocked up on toys.. thats surely a better answer then walking out on your spouse .. unless.. hummmmm unless ur just looking for an excuse to cut and run out of your marriage..
2006-07-25 01:23:29 · answer #8 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs to be checked by a guy nerve doctor (neuro specialist). That's if he actually wants his mojo back. He may just not be ito sex anymore. Or getting it from somewhere else. Or porn or the computer. If you look hot, then its his prob. He has got to want to change. You could always fill your need by using toys, or find a descrete friend.
2006-07-25 02:15:21 · answer #9 · answered by Handsup 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has some serious emotional issues and he is being very selfish!!! if i were you i will double check all that i have put down e.g no other women! No finacial woes! you may not know about these things?
2006-07-25 01:30:09 · answer #10 · answered by gotchafool05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋