I split with him a year ago and haven't engaged in any contact since but he has written despite an injunction bought me gifts although he got imprisoned before he could give me them and more recently has threatened to kill any man i go out with i need a proffessionals advice on how to handle such a man,please help!!!
2006-07-25 00:39:59 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Your problem is really that whatever you do is irrelevent. It's what's going on in his head that's the problem.
...and that stuff going on is his head happens to be focussed on you.
The guy is ill. What you do in reality will have no impact in his personal reality so please don't twist yourself up with 'What if I do this?' scenarios.
You already have a restraining order, that's the big thing. Now you stay as far from him as possible. If you haven't already, you change your email address/phone number etc. Any gifts that land on your doorstep remain unacknowledged. Don't even get a friend to return them on your behalf. Any contact he has with your world keeps what he sees as 'the bond' alive. It doesn't matter that the bond with you is love, fear, anger whatever, it's still his connection. If you still have mutual friends you need them out of your life as well. If anyone is feeding you info on this guy chances are they are feeding back to him as well, thus continuing the bond. You have to remove that connection 100%.
Each time he breaks that restraining order you ring the police. That's your only response. No warning to him, no threats, no words at all. Just ring the police.
Without stimuli he will find someone else to focus on. It'll take time but it will happen. When it does SHE IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM! Don't go near to give 'advice' or 'warnings' you'll be making the bond again. Thing might work out for them, stay away.
If you haven't already, tell the police that sorted out the restraining order that you're worried and need to talk to someone. They deal with these people ever day and know the details of your situation. Let them tell you how worried you should be and ask them to recommend someone to talk things through with.
Be strong! It won't last forever. Promise.
2006-07-25 01:06:02 · answer #1 · answered by salvationcity 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think Salvationcity gave you exactly the right advice.
I'm not a professional myself, but I knew a couple who were haunted by a sick ex, and I heard from them on a regular basis what went on.
They were told to do exactly the things that Salvationcity mentioned: First, break all contacts with the ex and keep breaking them off. Never respond directly to the ex. Just hand everything over to the police.
And second, keep the police very involved. The ex may not have much respect for the law, but he will recognize the police as a hindrance and an obstacle. Their intervention will be one more factor (along with the lack of contact) that hastens the dissolution of the bond (in his mind) between you and him. And in the case of my friends, it seems the cops were quite happy to get involved and give the ex a hard time. The cops genuinely don't like people like that.
In my friends' case, they did everything they were told, and the ex finally did leave them alone. It took a while, but it worked.
So print out Salvationcity's message, pin it to your refrigerator, and follow it to the letter. And go talk to the cops.
Good luck!
2006-07-25 01:46:59 · answer #2 · answered by Jim R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will not be able to get away from him if you have any children together. You have what it's called an obsessive relationship, only when one of you died it will be over, why because after a year and jail sentence he is still after you it's for him now a matter of ego , he doesn't want to loose control over you, it's not love , destroying you he is object if now. I don't know about your law and if you can move out of town do it, but if he knows you social security number and other personal information be very careful he can always found you. Don't blame yourself he is not you fault it's just happen it's a lot of psycho out there.
2006-07-25 00:54:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt unload sum1 bc they wont carry out oral identity unload in the experience that they didnt reciprocate oral men that imagine its the most important ingredient: easily appreciate it r fixated & infatuated aka fetish OR were manipulated by an outdoors source to imagine its mandatory area of a courting all of us understand no ability no with the exception of that i think if a spouse is uncomfortable its in part the different companions responsibility to make issues mushy possibly her hang up in that's likewise manipulation from an outdoors source to trust this act is unfavorable I hate to assert this besides the undeniable fact that it hasnt been touched yet own hygiene ought to correctly be yet another excuse she isnt up for fallacio regularly happening cleansing soap an water isnt continuously the treatment to unkind genital odors Soaps pH balanced for women artwork large for men too foodstuff routine too attempt oral placed up bathe at 1st f she feels its unsanitary sex is a million of maximum filthy organic acts of people U dont need to stay unfulfilled & ur spouse doesnt need to be made experience any type of negativity 4 being uncomfortable
2016-10-15 04:38:03 · answer #4 · answered by curella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you need a professionals advice so I wouldnt take any answers off here as the best.
You could leave town and change your name. Avoid using the internet with your real name as well, myspace is a good place for you to get stalked.
2006-07-25 08:21:27 · answer #5 · answered by Dirk Wellington-Catt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to worry you but if you want the truth then this guy is crazy. If he's broke his injunction he doesn't care too much for the law. Good luck.
2006-07-25 00:50:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful. Stay in contact with the police anytime he contacts or tries to contact you.
2006-07-25 00:45:05 · answer #7 · answered by The Big Shot 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
doesn't sound to me like antisocial personality disorder. people who have that aren't too good at having romantic relationships at all. sounds more to me like borderline personality disorder. but anyhow, salvation city is right. don't respond to any contact and move on! maybe even move. good luck!
2006-07-25 06:41:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you need professional advice why are you asking here
2006-07-25 11:56:35 · answer #9 · answered by doodlebug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you may be he really dosn't care about the law.You could get a bodyguard.
2006-07-25 01:10:04 · answer #10 · answered by delta9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋