my husband was selfish when we got married but it has gotten worse and I have tried to talk to him and its only getting worse..everything has to be what he wants when he wants it or he's complaining. Seems I cant do anything right. My teenage children are complaining too now because he dont even talk to them or acknowledge that they exist. I have been married to this man for 5 months. I dont want the marriage to end but I dont know what else to do. Any suggestions?
2006-07-25 00:17:39 · 10 answers · asked by Sherry S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hmmm... Sounds like there is more here than is readily apparent in your details.
Are the teenage children your children from a previous marriage?
If so, here is what I think is happening,
This problem is a manifestation of another underlying problem.
Resentment, anger, frustration is prevalent when a marriage fuses together a family. Especially, if the new husband brings no children to the mix. Even moreso when there are teen children involved.
Your husband is being what you call selfish, because he feels lost in the family. At some point, you have not given him proper position in the family. The teen children do not respect him in his new role as their new father, and may even deny him his father position. You are perhaps not supporting your husband enough and his decisions in the family, he feels sad, due to this rejection, and disrespect. Therefore, he endeavours to regain his former sense of self by trying to maintain his lifestyle conditions prior to your marriage.
You must show him your support. He is the dad. He lays down the law, too in the household. You must make sure your teens understand his position of authority in the family. The children must respect his decisions just as if, the decisions came from you, otherwise, this means punishments.
Your husband needs your support! Talk to him about this, not what you are deeming selfish. If you can get to the cause of the problem, and what is truly at issue, then the selfishness will dissipate.
Communication is the key to your problem. In order to have a family, all must work at it, not just one. Good Luck!
2006-07-25 03:25:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
You knew he was like this BEFORE you got married?
That is the problem in relationships these days. Too often people go into a relationship thinking that their own sweet lovin' will change the other person into a role model boyfriend/spouse. Many miserable years and tears later they wonder what is going wrong.
You can very seldom, if ever, change another human being. You cannot mold another into what you want them to be. The only time permanent change may take place within a person is if that person wants to change to better themselves. The only thing you can do now is to find a way to deal with his behaviors, or leave his sorry butt!
2006-07-25 00:27:57 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you feel like you need him because you have had him for so long, its pretty much like the old saying you don't know what you got till its gone. I get what you are feeling all the way i went through something similar six months ago. It was awful and I had never felt as much emotional pain in my life. You both had your time apart and apparently you still love each other because one you said so and so did he-feelings like that take a long time to change, a really long time and two he wouldn't be upset with you and not talking to you if he wasn't extremely hurt that you slept with another guy. His way of reacting is to flirt with other girls and to not talk to you to make you feel worse. And like most guys would react in this situation he is probably looking to do the same thing you did. Don't be surprised if he sleeps with some other girl, possibly randomly. It will most likely mean nothing to him. He just will want to make you feel like you make him feel. Its just what guys do and it sucks. He doesn't want to listen to you because he is hurt and he won't until he gets over you and the other guy. I feel like if you would have him read what you had here it might help the situation. It will show him how much you really mean to him and love him. It might help him open up to you. I know this all sucks right now but you can get through it and you will. I hope it all works out and if it doesn't then it just wasn't meant to be. I really hope it does thought because love is a wonderful feeling and since you have been through so much together i want you two to be able to be happy together. :)
2016-03-27 06:07:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could try going to counseling (alone, at least at first) and describing his behavior and give the counselor specific details of things he has said/done to you. The counselor might have an idea of whether he is mentally abusive, a 'control freak' by nature, or if something might be wrong that you can help him with (such as he's having trouble at work and is internalizing, or adapting to the new family, etc.). Some problems can be worked out as a couple - abuse is not one of them, though. See if you can find out for sure so you'll have a better idea of what your course of action should be.
I wish you luck.
2006-07-25 00:33:08 · answer #4 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've only been married to this man for 5 months and he's already this bad....cut and run...don't look back. I've been there and put up with that kind of crap for 14 years. Don't be a fool and waste your life like I did.
2006-07-25 00:22:08 · answer #5 · answered by bookfreak2day 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut bait before he becomes abusive. These kind of deteriorating relationships only get worse.
2006-07-25 00:22:10 · answer #6 · answered by ElOsoBravo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go on suffering , it will get worse with the time. He is not going to change or improve
When you say you do not want to leave him tolerate him .
2006-07-25 00:23:53 · answer #7 · answered by shribharatpshubh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A slap in the face may get his attention.
2006-07-25 00:20:50 · answer #8 · answered by norwood 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Though he ignores you , you should take care of him he Will realize it and start loving you don't worry take care.
2006-07-25 00:59:58 · answer #9 · answered by mohd s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
counselling or accept him for who he is
2006-07-25 00:48:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋