my husband works 70+ hours a week. and I am 4 mths. pregnant..Am I wrong to ask him to cut his hours?

Question

He says that he has to work..
I think it is destroying our marriage.
I only see him on Saturdays and spend all week alone.
I am pregnant and go to all my dr. appt. alone.
I asked him to either cut down his hours or find something different but he says no and "we need the money with the baby on the way".
I work too-- we are not that strapped for cash.
And yes I check his paystub.. he is working ALL those hours!
Everytime I ask him to change his job he gets mad and says I dont support him.
Can anyone help me out here..
I am at a loss of what to do anymore.
I am just tired of being pregnant and alone.

Answer 1

Start off with, "I know you're working hard for our family, and you know it's appreciated.." Explain how you feel you're both missing out of the joy of expecting a baby. Tell him you want him to be happy, not chained down, at his job. If you have to make some adjustments financially, tell him you're willing to do so. Going out to dinner every Saturday night can be traded in for one day off a month to go hear his baby's heart beat. I know you're emotional and needy right now, it's normal. He needs to understand that you're emotional needs right now are higher than normal due to the pregnancy. Make sure you make clear that you're not happy and the last thing you want is to have a rocky marriage with a baby on the way. It's not healthy. Good luck!

Answer 2

Planned child or not, pregnancy can be a hard time. Your body is changing and your hormones are off the charts causing your emotions to go into a tailspin. Please don't forget that it can be a difficult time for a man as well. Perhaps working those hours is a way for your husband to cope with it.

You need to approach this issue lightly. Tell him that pregnancy is hard on you and right now you are feeling alone and feel like your not being supported. Explain to him that when you don't get to spend time with him you feel disconnected from him. Use "I" statements and don't blame him for you feeling alone because you are responsible for your own emotions. Perhaps you can come to a compromise. Why don't you start small by asking him to come to the doctors appointments? Tell him it would mean a lot to you. In the meantime, make the most of the little time you do have with him.

On the days that you aren't with your husband, work on building a net of support separate from your marriage. Go out with family and friends. Don't have family and friends nearby? Find a pregnant women’s group in your area. Join an expectant mother forum; www.babycenter.com can be a great avenue for the days that you are unable to leave the house. There are many things that you can do so that you don't feel alone.

You are only four months pregnant now so I wouldn't be on his case too much right now about being home more. It could be that he is doing what he feels is right by working hard to contribute financially and save for when the baby arrives. As your pregnancy matures I agree that he should cut his hours by at least 25% and even more when the baby is born.

Answer 3

I like Journey's answer.

From his point of view, he is doing the only thing he knows he can to prepare and provide for you and your baby. It is the way men's brains work.

He already gets mad when you ask him "every time" he is probably taking it personally, as an attack, that he is not a good provider. Now when you barely touch upon it, his defenses are already in place, "you don't support me!" and furthermore you're being a nag! If you continue to go the route you've been taking, soon he'll start avoiding you even more, maybe even working when he doesn't have to!

And really, that just breaks your heart doesn't it. Now you need him more than ever and you're lonlier than ever.

I suggest you change your approach. Instead of focusing on YOUR needs and trying to get him to meet YOUR needs (hear me out, I'm on your side ok) try this: every day, give him a big sincere thanks that he works so hard for you and the upcoming baby. Tell him you know he puts up with all kinds of BS and stress and he's showing you his love by working so hard, he's a good husband and will be a great father AGREE with him, no matter how insignificant. STOP expecting him to meet your needs. Once he feels like "hey she's respecting me" and you are planting that seed, "good husband, good father" and he is getting POSITIVE and WARM and SUPPORT from you - he will want MORE of it, you will see the defenses tumble, because you're on HIS SIDE.

Oh yes, and if you see him one day a week, the worst thing you can do is "save up" all the things you've needed to vent to him and ask him all week long. I did that unconsciously and it had distastrous effects.

I am the mother of two very young kids. My ex worked 70+ hours, night shift, and yes I know, how hard it makes everything when you see them for one day a week. I too went to all my prenatals and classes alone. And really, I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's not because he doesn't care, he doesn't understand WHY it's important to you.

You can get what you want by giving him positive reinforcement. Then you can remind him that you love being around him, love spendin time with him. Be very pleasant to be around.

Whatever issues you have now, PLEASE, take care of them NOW, BEFORE the baby comes. No matter what you think, a new baby has the potential to drive two people further apart then they could have ever imagined even under the best conditions. GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING. LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE. This is nothing more than a communication issue.

Congratulations on the baby! And good luck!

Answer 4

Be at ease with him, since he is working hard for you and the coming child. You are also right at your end. But you need to work upon your problem. Dialogue is the best in these circumstances. Try to create emotional attachment between your husband and the baby in your womb. Hoping the idea will help you

Answer 5

Wow, it fairly is disgusting and extremely unhappy. if you're no longer getting as many shoppers, being a operating female and all, then why won't be able to you visit the laundromat? perchance you should get off yahoo solutions and visit the laundromat. i'm a unmarried mom besides, and money is likewise tight. yet you may wager my daughter is my first precedence. i don't have a lot time, yet my toddler continually has sparkling outfits, even earlier I do if want be. It sickens me that poor toddlers have you ever for a "mom".

Answer 6

I would guess he is doing it for you. Sometimes men have the conscience idea that when their family is growing they must work harder. It is common for most men.

try not to focus on this to much.

He is probably just confused and nervous about having a family so he spends more time at work because he doesn't know what to do.

Answer 7

U are right to demand more time from him.
Remember that he is really hard pressed with work and he enjoys that very much.
So take the situation with a pinch of salt and enjoy the quality time together.

Answer 8

what r you cring about he is getting you and that baby a good furture i tell you dont no one want to by a pg women who complaines all the time take the time you have and make it special then maybe he will cut his own hours. or he working all these hours becauce he wants leave after the baby born sit down and talk to him dont yell dont jumo to conculsion rember you r pg

Answer 9

If you're so tired of being pregnant & alone. Get an abortion and get a divorce.

Problem solved. Otherwise, quit your childish whining and grow up. Life sucks and sometimes it really sucks.

Answer 10

Sounds like he may be scared of impending fatherhood and/or his ability to provide for his family. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to be involved; men just don't know what to do and how to act sometimes, so they avoid the issue altogether.