Wife's stuckup friends..........?

Question

My wife met a couple from her college days, who do not like me at all. Whenever we would go to their house, they would purposely ignore me, and will sit and talk with her, keeping me out of the conversation. Since they helped her through a major crisis in college, she refuses to see that they really don't like me, and always made excuses for them until about two years ago, when they pulled the same sort of **** in my own home!! I was very close to kicking them out that day.

Since then, this couple has never called my wife on the phone, but would occasionally send her an email. I tell her they are scared of what I would say if I was in the room when they called, but she still refuses to believe that to be true. Last Friday, they sent her a gift in the mail, without a note enclosed. I tell her they know I am mad at them, and are trying to get her to emotionally come running, but she does not think they are being manipulative! What do I do???

P.S.-Before anyone suggests my calling and talking to them, I did that before they ignored me in my home! They said they did not have any bad feelings about me, and would try to be more social in the future! I believed they lied to me so as not to hurt my wife's feelings!

My wife has yet to respond to they sending her a gift. The gift was based on a childish nickname she had while in college, which was 18 years ago. They still refer to her by this nickname, and say it in a very condesending tone. That day at my house, I left and slammed the door, and only returned at my wife's request about two hours later. They just kept talking to her, and acted like nothing had happened. Even though she is pissed at them for the way they treated me in my own home, she still makes excuses for them, and says she doesn't think they know I am mad at them.

Answer 1

I understand how you feel. My fiance has had friends that I have really hated before, not just for myself, but hated the way that they treated him as well. I tried to tell him what was happening but he refused to believe me and thought i was just being bitter.

There's only one working solution to this problem. You need to allow your wife to socialise with them if she wants to. After all, she's an adult and you have done your part by warning her of the risks of involving herself with them. However, you need to refuse to talk to them ever again. Set the ground rules clearly. My ground rules were as follows;

- I will not socialise with them under any circumstances. This means avoiding occasions when they may be present and walking away if I bump into them by accident.
- I will not have them in my house under any circumstances. They have no right to be in my personal space if I don't want them there.

In my case, with time my fiance realised that they were bad news. I'm sure your wife will feel the same if you express your disapproval in a mature fashion and give her some time to think it through.

Answer 2

I think you are being pathetic!

I have friends from my college days. We talk about stuff we did then and people we knew then - we're not trying to exlude currnt partners, its just the way conversation goes. I think its your own paranoia playing here.

As for phoning - well I don't phone freinds either - especially if they are part of a couple because the chance of finding them a) at home and b) not busy doing something else is minimal so I email them.

If the gift referenced a nickname they have it doesn't need a note - You know who its from and why its been sent - just because.

So what if they don't like you - that's your wife's problem not yours. Just get on withyour life and stop getting your knickers into a twist over this trivial problem. Sounds like you have been brooding on this for years - this misdirected anger is more likely to finish your relationship than anyone sending silly gifts. Maybe you should try to make yourself more likeable for your wife's sake - slamming the door on guests is silly, childish and manipulative giving your wife the clear choice of 'your friends or me' - imagine how she must have felt - how embarrassed she must have been. I sense you feel inadequate - have you been to college? Is this the real problem? Do you think they look down on you because of your lack of education?

Answer 3

They sound weird. Your wife sounds a little insecure. You sound a little childish too. I don't see the point of slamming doors at your age.
Next time, if there is one, do not allow them to be the only couple in the house. Invite at least one other couple or a couple of friends that you get along with.
If it is at their house, don't go. Go out with your mates instead.
They seem to enjoy seeing you left out.
Having someone else there to converse with will most likely annoy them and then their true colors will show.

Answer 4

You can't change the way they act towards you. It must be infuriating though. Maybe it would be best if your wife met her friends on her own. You're entitled to say that you don't want them coming to your home anymore. If it was me, I wouldn't have any contact with them. After a while, your wife may see them in the same light as you.

Answer 5

Who cares about these people opinion of you. You should just start being really obnoxious when they ignore you. Be like "HI SUSAN, HI BOB!!! GOOD TO SEE YOU!" Say that really loud and like 2 feet from them. When they continue to ignore say "You guys are HILARIOUS!!!" Everytime they something serious. This situation is comedic gold. They will be so uncomfortable that you are making fun of them they won't want to come back. Tell your wife you don't care about her douchey friends and the creepy crisis they helped her through. Take the back seat on this one, she's smart she'll figure it out on her own.

Answer 6

YOU, my friend, are the MAN of the house, there has to be a figurehead, yes even in todays society of equal rights. since you told her that you dont like them, she should stand by YOU, not THEM. ask her why theyre sticking up for her, and if she still pulls excuses for them, just reassure her that she doesnt owe them ANYTHING, just because they helped her out in college, does not mean that they can be the main focus of her life, for like, forever. Just keep drilling into her head that you dont want them around. and she'll get it. If the couple have worked out that they've pissed you off, maybe they'll change their ways?

Answer 7

Well if I was in your situation I would just say it out right to her friends whether they liked it or not what I thought of them. And refuse to go anywhere to their houses and had they come to my home I would of with great personal glee physically throw them out on their arses, dusting my hands as I slammed the door on their sorry butts. And waved them off through the window with my middle finger.
Nobody treats me like crap in my own home.

Mind you I like yankeefan's advice to

Answer 8

If they do it in your home, call one of your buddies over and tell him to bring beer. You can sit in the same room as the hen party, watching sports, and yelling at the TV. If she complains, tell her, "I'm just entertaining myself until your little party is over." At least the guy will be jealous, he's stuck with two women and no beer.

Make sure to invite your rudest friend, of course.

Answer 9

i hv 2 say tis ur wife just prefer 2 turn a blind eye when it comes 2 tis couple . right ? so u hv a good talk wit ur woman n let her knows that if the couple invites her over she can by all means go . if ur wife invites them over u stay at ur favourite joint till they goes home . in tis way u don't hv 2 see them .

Answer 10

Be yourself...

Let her enjoy her friends... And whenever she visits, you go along and if they exclude you from the conversations, just but in with your own bit... That is so much fun...

Change the subject they are talking about with something semi-relevant...

Or belch when they say something... That always works wonders... Really annoy them as much as possible...