okay... i wrote a poem so... tell me what you think please?

Question

With my eyes closed, lying in bed
Thinking of everything you said
You don’t know how you made me feel
I wish it was a dream but it’s all so real
You notice a difference in you and me
You don’t look past what the eye can see
You don’t know who I am inside
You make life seem like an easy ride
I try to put more faith in you
But I can’t because of all the things you do
Thinking that one day you’ll change
I keep trying but you still seem strange
There’s something in you I just can’t find
But one day I know I’ll leave you behind
I always let you get to me
But me is the only thing I can be
Why can’t you see I’m still someone
And what you say to me isn’t fun
I am only one person, and you think that’s too much
But there isn’t a thing as such
Everyone’s different no one is the same
And years from now you won’t even remember my name
Holding on to the things in the past
I’ll remember you were the one that really finished last

nope no boyfriend, its about well mainly about this one kid in school who gives me so many problems for my skin because i have eczema, and everyday (during the school year) he has a new thing to say to me and it hurts because i'm only human and going to school everyday with him always saying something makes me not want to go or say anything. idk life is confusing though so....♥

Answer 1

Wonderful! It has a beginning, a middle, and an ending...and I know first hand how difficult it is to express something in rhyme. Whenever you communicate a thought or feeling...or make a statement...or tell a story in rhyme...you are doing what it is supposed to do. Keep up the good work!

Answer 2

that is a spectacular commence. save on writing. As you nevertheless write you'll see different such issues because the right thanks to apply meter and rhythm to operate emphasis. Meter is accents contained in the words lining up. like the word i'm Writing at present. beats commence on the first syllable and then the different syllable. This replaced into like Shakespeare meter in this play. i love meter because i will use it to provide the poem move and then i will offset it by replacing the rhythm in places that i choose the reader to linger on. Or i favor to imagine someone reading my poem even as beating a jug or making a song it. i imagine the most important area of poetry is writing the poem. you purely were given a crank it out beforehand you hardship about form and such. Then see you later as you get it it is what counts. now and again you'll locate you write some poems that strike similar cords with others.

Answer 3

it was kind of jumpin 2 much and some parts didnt rhyme...it was more of like a nursery rhyme..like a doctor suess..dont trying to be mean..but u wanted an opinion..you wouldnt win a grammy with that one..but on some positive words..i do like it..you just needed to read over it and make it better..its like you just typed it from your head and pressed ((submit)) without looking it over and making corrections..but its good since its from the heart and showing feelings. you should be with someone that continue 2hurt u...but you know what..every poem is not perfect..every poem does not rhyme..everyone is going to tell you that its good and thats its bad you are going to get critisized but thats only going to make you better..submit it to poetry.com..

Answer 4

it's a deep,passionate poem,need i say more? of course its a beautiful poem..because you're expressing yourself,and your feelings are automatically beautiful-for any person,place, thing. i write poems..song lyrics too.their things of how you feel-don't let anyone discourage you and tell you that anything you write is ever horrible. things like this make people see the unique you-the real you-people like people who write because they arn't afraid of who they are,they want to write their feelings out.awesome poem,really!

Answer 5

ooohhh...nice. Just....nice. Not great.

But hey, you're good! There's always room for improvement. I bet you'll improve like a mofo. (In a good way.)

Answer 6

I think it's nice. Nice in flow and an easy outpour.

Answer 7

I love it - I think its brilliant i agree with giving it a title and posting it.

Very nice!!!

Answer 8

very nice......give a good title and post it on the web

Answer 9

You can make it a song.

Answer 10

is this about your boyfriend well i think its really good