how do you keep on after a bad relationship?

Question

im 22 ive been in a relationship for 5 years since im 17 and its been extreemly violent and painful. i got 2 scared for my life,ive made the right choice i could make and i left him.its been 13 days and i havent talk 2 him and i havent seen him.ive kept my job and now i have all my money for myself i need to take care of myself and re decide what i really want.its going to take time but im going to get over him he was a manipulating degrading violent but he was still kind and affectionate but i know it was the cycle of violence and that i had 2 get out of it and stay out of that relationshio(cuz we already broke up 4 times but always got me back tellin me he changed bla bla)now i really want 2 know how do i keep this going?how do i not get tempted by him or call him back to see him?in short phrase:how do i not look back and continue my life without him?i new it was hard to leave him but i didnt kno it would be that hard 2keep on without him.i dont want to look back i need help continue

Answer 1

Congratulations for having had the courage to leave a violent situation. That takes a lot of strength and you're definitely on the right path. How you keep going forward is: One day at a time. Believe it or not, the longer you are apart, the more comfortable you will be without him and in time, you will look back and think: geez.. how could I ever have missed this guy.
Give yourself time to get over it and don't get suckered in to going back. You now have your money to yourself. Use it wisely. Don't let him sponge off of you. Make plans for your future. If you haven't been to college, think about going. You will meet other men, some nice, some bad. Stay clear of the bad boys. You already know the variety and be selective in whom you date, for your own sake. Learn to be happy with yourself !
A lot of women cannot stand to be alone and think they must have a man in their lives to be complete.... which oftentimes leads to more bad relationships. Focus on learning about 'you'... what you want, where you want to be, what you want to do... and then take the steps to get there. Men are incidental. The key is for you to make yourself whole and happy.
Good luck.

Answer 2

first,you should have your own personal healing..healing from the wounds you obtained during your violent relationship...the wounds remain unless you heal them..how? you forgive...forgive yourself for committing the mistake of trusting again and again while getting beat up again and again...forgive yourself for loving the wrong person...why wrong? because hurting your partner is never right...so, it's all about forgiveness so you can heal the wounds...you cannot move on with the wounds still bleeding because you'll end up weak in the process and lose direction...after you have accepted what has happened to you, you can slowly get up, get yourself together, and probably focus your energy elsewhere, another aspect of your life which can be more productive and meaningful for you...you can always go back to relationships as soon as you think you are ready to fall in love again...there should be no hurrying...a girl always deserves to be loved, taken cared of and respected...always...do not settle for anything less than that...

Answer 3

Looks like you are doing pretty good with out him, you have your money, go shopping, keep your mind off of him, if u go back to him, its going to be the same, and i am sure you dont want to get back into that relationship, because i wouldnt want too.Dont let him, try and talk u into coming back it will just get worse. So keep your head up. go visit with your family, and old friends that u used to talk to and hang out. thats what i did, and it worked...hope this works for you.

Answer 4

i was in a very similar situation, take it from me, THEY DONT CHANGE.. i dont care how sweet they seem how nice how they play on your heart strings, every time he says sweet things to u , remember the monster part of him..

My bf was exactly like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hide.. the Dr Jekyl part was so sweet, caring and loving.. but in a flash he could turn into Mr Hide and id be getting hit, threatened, called ever name in the book, id try to leave he'd keep me from leaving phsyically, id run to the phone he'd pull it out of the socket.. he beat me down emotionally to the point that i thought id never been rid of him..

My kids are what gave me the strength to get out of that, i didnt want them to think thats what men do to women and its ok... i didnt want them to look back and realize that mom was to weak to protect them from this situation..

When i first left.. i was scared didnt know what my future held for me and my kids, atleast with him even though it was bad, i was to a degree secure as far as the necessities to survive, but the further i got away, the stronger i got.. and it hurt, cause even through all that u cant be with someone that long and not "care" for them at all.. atleast the good side of them and u realize that they are sick, and need help but at one point u have to realize till they realize they are sick, u cant make them get help..

Fight for your right to be happy, to not be treated like an animal but as a human being who deserves real love, and respect.. every day that u fight for what u deserve, the easier it will be to go on with out him.. and eventually u'll never want to look back.. but u need to cut all ties to him no matter how much it hurts.. because he's use to the mind games with u and he knows how to push the right buttons to make u do what he wants u to do.. so u need to stay away from him.. tell him anything to keep him from having contact with u till u can get stronger..

I have faith that u can do this.. get him out of your life once and for all.. if he really loves u (which how could he if he treated u so badly) but if he does, he'll hit rock bottom with out u and realize he has a problem and go get help..

Good luck

Answer 5

Make sure he can't contact you. He's going to do it over and over as you well know.

Concentrate on yourself and learn how to avoid some of those things. You deserve better than any emotional or physical abuse and you need to realize it and not settle.

Isn't that what you've really done??

Answer 6

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. MOST OF MY LIFE SOMEONE HAS MENTALLY ABUSED ME. THE ONLY THING THAT GOT ME THRU WAS MY FAITH IN GOD AND MY FRIEND AMY. JUST PRAY AND STICK CLOSE TO YOUR BEST FRIENDS. MAYBE YOU CAN ASK A FAMILY MEMBER FOR HELP. DONT GIVE UP GIRL HES NOT WORTH IT IF HE CANT TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT. YOU DESERVE RESPECT AND LOVE. DONT ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS.

Answer 7

Take a break. A long one. You'll know when you're ready.

Answer 8

Think about what you are gaining and not about what you are losing. i.e. able to date others without guilt

Answer 9

don't look back, have no contact, and find a new better guy to treat you right

Answer 10

get a dog