I have a personal problem, need help.?

Question

My sister in law is seeing someone else for about a year, she is still married to my brother. What i hate about her is that she wants to introduce this person to my oldest niece (she is 14) so they can talk and she wants this guy to start giving gifts to my niece so she can accept him and love him.... but what kind of example is that?

I have never like this woman and now i really hate her. Have u gone thru a similar situation, what can i do?

my brother knows about this situation and he will seek for the full custody of her daughters. I dont want my nieces to be like my sister in law, they deserve to be better than that,.

Answer 1

No!!! I have never gone thru this situation. But to me that seems luck it's a fvcked up marriage if she is seeing someone on the side. and if your niece is that young this new guy should stay away. My niece is fourteen and she is having the time of her life with her girl fiends/family. That is way to young for someone to be introduced and to give her gifts to initiate the relationship that is fvcked up. On the other hand if you are dating someone who is part of the family and want them to feel that you're special to them by giving gifts even though she is dating your brother, than that niece will feel special and makes you feel special knowing that he cares about your family.

Answer 2

I wasn't clear whether she is still living with your brother or whether they are separated, marriage notwithstanding. If they are apart, then either of then could see other people without it being a big deal.
Instead of trying to get the guy to give your niece gifts, though, she should be having him participate with her children in a way that's less material and more personal, like doing family things together. I don't like the gift-giving to win someone example either.

If she and your brother are still together, though, this is out of line, and your brother should have a talk with her about respecting him as their children's father, which doesn't include introducing the children to a guy she's having an affair with.

Answer 3

Is your brother and sister in law separated and how long? I mean, if they have been separated for a while and in the process of divorce, I dont see a problem with her dating other men. Does your brother date other women? I know its tempting to side with your brother, but try to see both sides. I am not too crazy about one of my sister in-laws either. You just got to try and keep the peace in the family, and thats important. Its not your place to get involved in the situation. Its totally out of your control. The only thing you should do is to try to keep a good relationship with your neice and be cordial with her mother. Try not to say anything bad about her mother no matter how much you dont like her. That would only hurt and confuse your neice even more than she probably already is. Good luck.

Answer 4

Please tell your sister in law that she is setting a bad example for her daughter. The daughter's loyalties are probably with her father and I'm pretty sure that giving gifts for the sole purpose of getting the daughter to accept the new man in her mother's life is just plain wrong. Your sister in law's responsibility is to her child, not to the person she wants to date or get serious with.

You can calmly let the child know that people don't get other people to love them by giving them gifts. You give gifts because you love someone not because you want them to love you.

Answer 5

Wow that is low I am amazed that U R abale 2 cope with this outrageous news That is really wrong what Your sister in law is doing and it sounds like 2 me that she is trying 2 buy off Your nice. If I was U I would tell Your brother what is going on before he gets really hert.

Answer 6

I'd suggest talking to her and telling her your thoughts in a non-acusatory manner. And talk to your brother, why they haven't gone to marriage counseling? Make it clear when you talk to them that you're concerned about them as loved ones, and you're also concerned about the impact it's having on their daughter.

Ultimately, it is their decision. I would be worried about the example she's setting for her daughter as well. But, as long as she isn't dating some horrible abusive guy then there's really no reason to get more involved than just telling them your concerns.

Hope it works out for the best! Good luck.

Answer 7

Just play nice to her. Plan an event so that your bro can see the real side of her and believe it with his own eyes. and then everything can all come out! Seeing is believing. Dont feel bad. Your bro deserves to see the truth of the unfaithful woman!

Answer 8

TALK ABOUT THIS TO SOME ELDERLY AND COMMANDING PERSON IN YOUR FAMILY. MAY BE YOUR BROTHER.
ALL OF YOU CAN TALK ABOUT THIS TO UR NIECE AND LET HER KNOW THAT YOU KNOW.
THEN ITS UPTO HER TO DECIDE BECAUSE EVERY1 IS OWN THEIR OWN.
NEVER TRY AND FORCE NO MATTER YOU ARE DELING WITH ANIMAL

THAT WILL BE WRONG.
YOU TRY BECUSE ITS UR DUTY AS AN ELDER NOT BECAUSE YOU LOVE YOUR NIECE.
WE FEEL SUCH THINGS BECAUSE OF A FEAR THAT EXISTS WITHIN US THAT TELLS THAT WE'LL BE DRIVEN TO HELL(IF U BELIEVE) IF WE SIT NON SENSE.
BUT TRYING WOULD REMOVE THAT FEAR AND YOU WILL NOT BE BONDED BY ANY OF UR DOINGS OR KARMA.
Aneesh

Answer 9

I know that it must be hard for you to even think about telling your brother, but he needs to know. If you cant do it alone, get with another family member that already knows and tell him together. Your brother will already be hurt, but he will be even more hurt if he finds out that you knew and didnt tell him.

Answer 10

It's a horrible example. it's bad enough that she's unfaithful but now trying to buy affections.

I think it's time to let your brother know what's going on.