Would you go on with the relationship knowing that you are the other women?

Question

My husband of 7yrs has a relationship with another women for about a year now. My marriage has never had any problems, we don't fight and we are always with each other. He had tried leaving that women twice but ended going back to her. I'm always there for him and I've never turn my back against him. He said he still loves me but he can't forget her. I don't want to end my marriage cos I don't want my son to suffer. But how long more can I take it?

Answer 1

I certainly respect what you are willing to sacrifice for your son; however, you should take a moment and think about your well being, self-esteem and needs. I do not know how old your son is or how much he knows. You may consider asking yourself if you want your son growing up like his father, unfaithful. Your behavior is enabling your husband to continue his ways. I know how scary it is to lose someone you love. I gave my ex an ultimatum (which is not my style). The ultimatum was, "You can either love and respect me as I deserve and work on our problems together and in counseling or we can move on and get a divorce." His reply was, "Do I have to make that decision now?" I told him, "You just did." Then I packed some belongings and left. He had his fun for a few weeks then wanted to try to make things work. I realized the love under-weighed the resentment I felt and the trust was lost. Life is too short to treated badly. I cried and hurt and went on that emotional roller coaster where I came close to calling and giving in. I am so glad I didn't. I am engaged to a wonderful man and look forward to my future.

The bottom line is you have to decide where your boundaries lie. If you want to continue enabling your son's roll model and allow him to witness his mother's pain (assuming you become too weak to hide the tears), it is your choice to make.

I hate to use this old quote but it is appropriate, "If you love it set it free....." I hope things work out for you. You sound like a wonderful, devoted mother and wife. You deserve the same in return from a husband.

Take care.

Answer 2

it sounds like you are surprised that your husband has cheated on you, because you stated that your marriage has never experienced any problems. I'm guessing once you had your child you became boring and predictable and probably made your son the number one priority of your life. it's good to put the kids on a pedestal, but after they are grown and gone, you still will have your husband. he has chosen not to settle in to the "perfect little family" routine, he probably wasn't thrilled about the prospect of becoming a father in the first place. my guess is there was nothing but trouble in your marriage and you were too wrapped up in playing house to realize it. your husband found a woman that he not only has cheated on you with, but has chosen a long term relationship with her...and has pr oven that he can not give her up. he loves her and feels obligation to you. if that is good enough for you and divorce is not an option, don't think that it is doing your child any favors to stay in this relationship, because as previously mentioned that is really sending the wrong message to a boy on becoming a man. if this guy is such a great catch that you can't let him go, or don't want to be the "loser" between yourself and the other woman...then enjoy the trophy and don't cry when he doesn't come home to you at night.

Answer 3

Ok Zigman

First you sounded like everything was fine and dandy- then you last line is how long can I take it? If his extramartial affairs is getting to you well how long you can take is NOW. Why would you put up with a man who basically disrespects you and believe me your son is learning more than you think.

If you plan on staying...the plan on dealing with this woman. Simple as that. Deal with it. Cope with it. And don't complain about it.

However, if you don't want this any longer. Tell him you have had enough and you want this relationship to end. But believe me, by now he has gotten his cake and have been eating it too...he will do it again. Your best bet then would be divorce. Or better yet...if he agrees talk about having an Open Relationship too.

It does work for some couples.

Not sure if I should say good luck. Take care.

K

Answer 4

this other woman your husband is cheating on is a real piece of work...i cant stand people that hook up with married people its so disrespectful. and rude. You and your husband need to have one hell of a serious conversation about this, maybe even some marriage counseling, to get down to the bottom of this problem. You have to look at it this way, his actions are dragging yu down, stressing you out and chopping up your self worth. Your son will grow up to be a man one day, and almost 100% of children end up thinking that the way things were in the childhood is the normal way of things...do you want this cycle to repeat with your son, so that one day you'll be on here and read your future daughter in laws same question? think about how this could affect your sons future, b/c this behaviour of his fathers will stick to your son, shape his personality become ingrained. As for you. You are a person, a wife, a mother. You are supposed to be his significant other, the one he vowed to love and cherish . If this man truly loved you he wouldnt do this too you, he wouldnt even want to cheat. Im married and yeah ive taken a few looks around at some guys but i know that i could never ever even consider an affair or a one night stand or any kind of cheating.
If having a conversation and trying counseling does not work, then it would be a good idea to start going to counseling yourself, it will help give you the strength to leave. And you can rebuild your self esteem, figure out what you want to do next. I realize that starting over is intimidating, and it will be hard. But in the end you have to think about whether or not you want your son to grow up to be the same as his father.
I honestly hope that the two of you can resolve this without having a divorce. I know a lot of people gave you some really rude and crappy answers, but please know that it was good of you to ask others advice. Good luck and i hope everything works out for you and your husband

Answer 5

Your approach to your predicament is not helping your husband. Her absence has made his heart grow fonder of her. But he has no idea whatsoever of how much you and your son truly mean to him. As he is always in your presence he enjoys that security without knowing just how much more miserable he would feel if you and your son were absent. He does not know how dangerous it is the path he is taking. You may know that if he truly left you and your son, it would not take long for him to realise just how much his family is worth. Many married people seek alternate relationships out of boredom. What they do not realise is that the grass is not greener on the other side. Your husband needs to be reminded just how much he loves you and your son. And he will never come to this awarness if you keep healing him only for him to return to her. You are not doing him or yourself or your son a favour. There just is no room for both of you in his life. You must come to terms with yourself and give him an ultimatum. If he has trouble making the choice, you should leave him. You can do this objectively to ensure that you and your son are well provided for. You have been more gracious than most wives. Unless and until he realises your worth and the years you have put in for him, he will continue to underestimate your importance. So long as he has a safe harbour that is you, to return to - he will be deluded to think that the other woman is his life. Personally I think he will return when he realises that it is you that he truly loves. If he does not return - are you really worse off? There are times when loving a person means doing the things that are most difficult. To do anything less is to live beneath your dignity. For all your sacrifices, you deserve to be loved without having to wait till you are eventually preferred.

Answer 6

Child think!! You took vows and he cheating on you!!! You know about the other woman and you are telling your husband it okay dear I understand. What about the needs of you and your son. your son deserve a father as a MAN and you need a Man as a HUSBAND. Are you really thinking about your son or yourself. Its nothing wrong with not having a man around the house, until you find the right one to love you and only you. Get a clue. Its seem to me that your are the other women and lot the wife. How does this fool tell his wife he can not leave the other woman alone. See, this man think your a A*S*S and what your doing? Proving this A*S*S right. Him and his lady friend is just LAUGH at you. WAKE THE HELL UP, PLEASE. And, stop being the joke.

Answer 7

XXXXXXXXX Wow, and I thought women like you was only a myth. A figment of the imagination. But you are real. I'm wondering how can you live with yourself and think this is a good marriage. Hun, you lost him the day he started seeing this other woman. And you permit this to continue? He loves you alright. He loves the fact that he can have a wife with benefits. Wake up and smell the coffee you've been fixing him all these years. I think it has a funny smell. I think you are afraid of being alone. Why else would you keep getting up after being kicked so many times. XXXXXXXXXX

Answer 8

You deserve better and so does your son. If your hubby's behaviour doesn't stop, eventually your son will find out. Is that the kind of example you want set for him? When he's an adult, do you want him to think it's okay to treat his wife the same way you're being treated? Do something now before it's too late or it will impact your son in ways that you'll never know until years later.

Besides, who says you deserve any less than to be Number 1 and the only woman in your significant other's life. I would settle for nothing less!

Answer 9

In all honesty, by staying you are showing your son how to treat his future wife. The question is-Do you want to break the pattern or show him that a wife, mother should always have respect from their spouse? If you stay, your son will likely learn from his father's behavior and carry on. If you leave, yes your son will be hurt, but you are teaching him that women, your wife, should be respected. Divorce is hard on the children, but staying in a disastrous marriage is just as damaging to them. You may love your husband but you need to put yourself in your childs shoes and look at it from his view. Always base your decision in your child's (if you have children) best interest... Hope this helps..

Answer 10

FOR YOUR SON!!!!!!!!! No offense but staying with a person because of a child is the worst reason to stay with a person..TRUST me the children suffer more... Is this what you want your son to view as a healthy relationship, and it is apparent that you are hurting, you don't thinks that your son sees and feels this and if he is to young to now he will later. Obviously there IS a problem in a marriage, and your child will suffer more from you two staying together then either one of you. He may love you but if he loves her and is in love with her where does that leave you. I love my cat but if he scratches me one more time I'll put his *** out on the curb. It is time to stop siding by his side and stand by your own. GOD BLESS!!!!!!!!!!