my friends parents are getting divorced, and i don't know how to help her.?

Question

My friend just told me a few hours ago she would have to start living in 2 houses because her parents are getting divorced. Even though she was a little rude implying that she expected my parents to get divorced because they fight alot, and saying she would rather talk to my friend who was at camp(because her parents never gotten into a fight..?)I want to help her, but i don't know what to say. I kind of feel like I am making the situation worse by not saying anything usefull at all. someone who has been thru this please help me?

Answer 1

when my parents got a divorce i didnt want to be around them at all...just be their family..tell them if they need a place to crash just call..that helped alot..you cant really say anything right now to make them feel better..just try to get there mind off of it

Answer 2

My father has been married 7 times. Yes SEVEN. My mother has been married 4 times. Thats 9 spouses between them not including each other. I think this makes me an expert.

Anyway, I would tell your friend that her parents relationship does not involve her. She need to realize that yes she is part of the family, but not part of the marriage. What goes on between her parents is their business and the moment either of them try to make her take sides or dump their problems on her she needs to look them in the eye and say "Hey, thats none of my business, thats between you guys." Unless this involves spousal abuse she should keep this attitude. Things may get stressful around her house but they dont need to be for her.

Other than that spending time with her and if there is fighting and tension at her place take her out a lot to get her out of there as much as possible, theres really nothing for you to do. When its all over she will adapt to her new family situation. Her parents marriage may be over, but her family is still there and no ones feelings for her have changed I am sure.

Answer 3

You are a really good friend to want to support her through this difficult time! She is very lucky.

Here are some ways you can be supportive.
First of all it's really important for her to know that just because parents divorce each other, they're not divorcing their kids. Some kids think that if their parents are divorcing, it means their moms and dads will want to leave them, too.

Although it's true that the kid of a divorced couple usually lives with only one parent most of the time, the parent who lives somewhere else is still that kid's mom or dad - forever. That will never change.

There are many reasons why people divorce. Maybe they've grown apart. Maybe the love they once had for each other has changed. Maybe they fight and just can't agree about things. Every couple has their own reasons for divorce. Whatever the reasons are, one thing is for sure: Kids don't cause divorce. Make sure she understands this.

Still, many children of divorced parents believe they are the reason their mom and dad got divorced. They think that if only they had behaved better, gotten better grades, or helped more around the house, the divorce wouldn't have happened. But this isn't true. Divorce is between moms and dads only!

Even if you once heard your parents argue about you, or your friend next door thinks his parents broke up because he got in trouble at school, these things don't cause a husband and wife to end their marriage. She may feel she's to blame for her parents' divorce, but she is not the cause. And the fact that her parents decide not to stay married is not her fault.

Encourage her to talk to her parents about her feelings. Here is a really good list of feeling words to help identify some of the feelings she may be experiencing. http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/feelings.html
If you're helping a friend through it, there are a few important things about feelings you need to remember. First of all, it's normal to feel lots of different things, including anger, fear, and sadness.

Second, even though it may seem like your whole world just fell apart, with time, things will be better again. Your life might be a bit different, but the pieces will come back together again - maybe even sooner than you think.

Meanwhile, there are ways you can deal with the feelings you have. If you are really mad, you can punch your pillow, kick some empty boxes, go hit a baseball, or run for as long and as fast as you can. But never take your feelings out on another person.

Telling someone how you feel can also help. If you feel really angry, say so. Talking is much better than keeping your feelings to yourself or acting all grouchy and irritable.

Sometimes just talking to someone else is a big relief. Try simply saying, "I'm so angry (or sad or worried) about my parents getting divorced! It really upsets me!" When the person who's listening can say something back to you like, "No wonder you feel that way, I totally understand why you do," it can help you feel even better. Sometimes that's all the talking someone needs to do.

Sometimes it's just the beginning of many more conversations you'll have. Talk to a parent. Or, if that doesn't feel right, find someone else you really like to talk to, maybe your brother or sister, a teacher, school counselor, neighbor, or grandparent. It's tough to let it out, but it can really help.

If you have a friend whose parents are divorcing, try to be a good listener when your friend wants to talk. Divorce is never easy.

Sometimes the feelings kids have about their parents' divorce are so strong that kids have a hard time concentrating on anything else. When kids are very sad, mad, or worried, they may have trouble paying attention in class, focusing on homework, or even remembering what they've just read. If this happens, it's especially important to get some help.

Kids may feel much better after talking to a therapist, counselor, or social worker. These adults are trained to talk with people about their problems and help with feelings that are too intense. There are also support groups in schools and other places in the community where kids can get to know other kids whose parents have divorced or are divorcing and talk about how it affects them. There are also lots of books about divorce written just for kids.
Best of luck!

Answer 4

First realize that she only lashed out at you and your parents because she's hurting, thats all, she doesnt mean to hurt your feelings by being rude she's just very hurt and confused and its causing her to be irrational..

Just be there, be a shoulder to cry on, someone that will listen, and someone that just keeps reminding her no matter what its going to be ok.. and that ur always going to be there for her..

Thats about the best u can do for her at this point..