Still I help them because I know if I dont help them who else will. Moreovr if I 2 dont help , there'll b no difference between me & them. But when I need their help they simply turn deaf 2 my problms. Then again when they r in problem I help them thinkig now they'll change, bt they dont.I am under depression because of this. PLZ. PLZ. help . I am 17 years old, girl & in grade 12. I am waitin.
2006-07-24 18:05:45 · 7 answers · asked by Miss Purple Smiles 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
The problem is that you are expecting something in return when you help a person, and when that person does not meet your expectation you are feeling sad. You need to do things :
- Stop expecting anybody would help you when you need it. That is not the motive of your helping others - You help people because you genuinely feel for them and do the necessary thing. It is for your satisfaction you are helping them.
- Draw a line, where you need to stop helping one person - after understanding that persons philosophy towards your problems.
Best - just stop thinking about them when the help is over. You would solve your problems automatically.
Cheers
2006-07-24 18:13:57 · answer #1 · answered by deebeein 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In order for people who are insensitive to others to change, they need to go through the experience of NEEDING HELP but not being able to get any help. Every time you help someone who does not deserve or show appreciation for what you do, you are reinforcing the behavior they are already showing- indifference. Do not reward bad behavior. Help those who will appreciate you and those who are willing, at times, to listen to your problems too. Friendship is a mutually responsive and caring activity pattern, not a one-sided requirement. If you stop helping them they might have to help themselves and learn to appreciate a helping hand. You deserve friends who will return your kindness.
Leave them alone for a while.
2006-07-24 18:16:50 · answer #2 · answered by Jess4rsake 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that everyone needs help in one way or another.
The thing is, you can't help everyone. It's an admirable thing to help people but you have to remember that you will not be able to reach everyone. Pehaps you may want to pursue a career in Social work or become some type of counsellor and this way you'll help people that really need alot of help or who are seeking help. Here your advice will become more useful.
As for people not being there when you need their help... well I suggest you stop helping people that will not help you when you need it. It's not that you are not a good person for not helping those who will not help you...but you need to surround yourself with people that care about you. Maybe what you really want is to be friends with those you help and you think that by helping them you will gain their gratitude and they will not forget what you have done for them.
Unfortunately that is not how people work. People will forget and you need to stop helping everyone who needs it. People learn from experience, sometimes this is the only way they will learn, if you try to help them then you rob them from that experience that will make them better people, therefore helping them will only make them worse just like the person above me explained.
Let them live and experience their situation, if anything you can still help by simply giving them advice but whatever you do... DO NOT bend over backwards to help them out because again, you are doing them more harm than good by not letting them experience. Give advice but don't go out of your way unless you've built a solid relationship where you know they will be there when YOU need them.
Be yourself by being helpful since it sounds like it is your nature to help... but do not go out of your way to help every single random person on the face of this Earth because that's all you will do in your life time. If anything... help yourself first... Find out what you want to do with your life, now and in the future... during your path you will meet people that will care about you and these are the people that will appreciate your help the most.
:) (i just edited part of my response) ;)
2006-07-24 18:17:47 · answer #3 · answered by Carlos 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear, you are learning at a very young age that people will use you. If they are not there for you when you need help, they are not your friend. You are wasting your time on selfish ingrates. There are many deserving people you can help through a church or charity organization. When you stop doling out the help, your true friends will surface and the selfish dweebs will sink to the bottom where they belong.
2006-07-24 18:14:09 · answer #4 · answered by butrcupps 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey- i have always had a similar problem and i am 25! But what has helped me is to remember that i am helping people not to get anything in return and if i feel as if i am being used i just try to distance myself from the situation.
2006-07-24 18:14:28 · answer #5 · answered by girlinlove 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
haha im good at this high school crap....ok...first off its your choice to help out whoever you want or not do anything at all....theres nothin stopping or pushing you to help them in the first place....second if you have problems for your own you shouldnt STILL be tryin to go to the ppl that alredy turned away form you once....you should have already told them to screw themselves and helped your own self out.....and third if your really desperate for someone to listen to your problems you still have family that still love you no matter what and no matter how much u think they r stupid or they "dont understand" they still listen and trust me...they r right about 99% of the time...they were your age once
2006-07-24 18:15:54 · answer #6 · answered by Joe 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to learn where to draw the line. It's good of you to help people, but it should never be on your own expense. If they start abusing your good nature, refuse what they ask. I know it's hard to learn to say No, but you absolutely have to.
2006-07-24 18:09:30 · answer #7 · answered by brand_new_monkey 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋