My husband is a very committed person and loves me a lot. But he has had 2 relations before me. But he is now completetly over them and has nothign to do with them anymore. we have known each other for 4 years now and have been married for a year now and he has had nothing to do with any girl. But whenever any girl talks to him or calls him even though it is completely work related i get jealous and start doubting him..... i for sure knows he is completely committed and loves me a lot...but i just cant stop doubting him for anything and everything...i am very insecure about him....how can i get over this. please help me i dont want my stupidity to ruin my marriage.
2006-07-24 18:05:35 · 18 answers · asked by MK 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Jealousy is a byproduct of one's own issues with self-confidence and self-esteem. You may feel that you're not good enough for him and that you're together by chance. Most other women seem better looking to you and you may feel threatened by that.
1- Learn from past experiences
Look at how your behavior affected past relationships and use that to help you behave differently. You may soon discover that these feelings are the cause of previous relationship troubles. Realize that getting upset with him for no reason won't help your situation.
2- Deal with reality
Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening because with time, you may end up having difficulty distinguishing fact from fiction, and you don't want to kill an otherwise perfect relationship over things that never really happened. Don't let your imagination dictate the kind of person he really is.
3- Respect yourself
Realize that he chose you for a reason and there is no need for him to be so easily tempted elsewhere. Work on why you may not feel good enough about you and why you think he wouldn't find you good enough as a result.
4- Get a third party's opinion
Ask a friend to take note of your behavior around your husband. It may help you to fully understand the extent of your actions (as well as his) by getting a neutral party's perspective.
5- Set some rules early on
Try establishing some general guidelines as to what is and isn't acceptable for you. This way, you'll both have justification for outbursts when either of you is behaving improperly.
Remember that trust is the foundation of any relationship, and you shouldn't let your insecurities destroy yours.
Here is an excellent website to begin working on your own self esteem. http://www.coping.org/growth/content.htm
Best of luck!
2006-07-24 18:34:33 · answer #1 · answered by ididntdoitthedogdid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, well, I have always heard that you trust unless they give you a reason not to. Since he hasn't done anything, then I think the insecurity has nothing to do with him. I think that you are just not feeling too secure right now because you may have those thoughts that many of us struggle with, " I'm not good enough." You may be looking for a reason to not trust him so that you can say..."yes, I was right, I am not good enough." This is all on a subconcious level of course.
I also realize that it is easy to fall prey to the whole " all men are cheaters" theme. You know what? They are not all cheaters..there are some good men out there and it sounds like you have one of them.
It might help you to start chatting with some of these women who call the house...might help to ease the tension a bit. I'm not sure how you normally handle it, but I think that if you just hand the phone over to him, it might be harder for you to handle than if you talk to them for a few minutes, and then hand him the phone. Just my two cents! I hope I have helped in some small way...and know that you are not alone and there is nothing "wrong" with how you are feeling, but you are hurting yourself..and that is what is so bad for you. Take care of yourself and good luck!
2006-07-24 18:46:47 · answer #2 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MK
This is not about him and even you said so yourself. Your own insecurities are hampering this loving relationship. I think you should look at why you feel this way? Have you been rejected before? Have you been cheated on before? Have you cheated before? I would also suggest you find a good counselor and begin talking to them about your feelings. There might be some stuff in your closet that needs to be cleaned out.
However, my other question to you is that you said he had 2 relations before you. Before you meaning before you got married or while u were married? Or maybe you were the woman he cheated with and now you're married and feel insecure?
Good Luck
K
2006-07-24 18:27:18 · answer #3 · answered by kaiynasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your real problem is that either you are really insecure with yourself (not your husband) or you just don't trust your husband. It's one or the other. You decide, but what you stated is not an option. What I am thinking is that you are insecure within yourself and only you can fix that problem. No one here can do that and neither can your husband.
Good luck.
2006-07-24 18:09:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to become better acquainted to the girls who are calling him on the phone. Most people who are married don't have strange people of the opposite sex calling them on the phone. You need to get to know his friends and maybe the jealousy will stop. It is a normal feeling to be jealous and don't let anyone tell you differently.
2006-07-24 18:11:58 · answer #5 · answered by bored....zzzzzzzzz..... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, Stop for a minute and think and take a deep breath. Your husband wont mess around ok. Everyday every one talks to every one> Cool down. I did that once and I was ending up with a divorce!
2006-07-24 18:10:37 · answer #6 · answered by flordiagirl_lovergirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried a counselor? They might be able to help you over come your insecurities. Just try really hard to not worry. No sense in borrowing trouble! Just remember he loves you!! Good Luck.
2006-07-24 18:08:59 · answer #7 · answered by sweetnessmo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to differentiate between your insecurities and the reality. Do you trust him ? "Yes" Are you insecure ? "Possibly"
I say Innocent until proved guilty. I wish you and him many good years together
2006-07-24 18:11:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have totally admitted to acting very childishly. Now make a decision to KNOCK IT OFF!!!! Your man deserves better than this. It's a decision. STOP IT!!
2006-07-24 18:07:59 · answer #9 · answered by funigyrl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have the same problem as me.
thats all because you also love him a lot.
just give it time.
i have been married fo 2 years and he aslo had relationships before getting married to me . (same story as you)
it may be a silent killer. so go get advise!
2006-07-24 19:39:27 · answer #10 · answered by pinkcloud2015 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋