Why would my husband do this? Would you?

Question

It was my birthday today mon 7/24/1970, I've been married 3yrs, My husband and I rarely get to do anything together work, or money is always an issue. This past weekend we finally get a weekend together, it was by birthday we had something to celebrate and lucky us we had money. I asked him if we could do something he agreed. Yet on saturday he called the office to ask for overtime sat & sunday. I have been sleeping on the coach since saturday when he informed me he was heading to work. We had not argued he said he loves me and on his merry way he went to work just because. I dont get it. Oh by the way he bought me flowers & a cake on friday with my money. The last time I went to a movie was on our first date. why would anyone do this?

HE BOUGHT THE FLOWERS & CAKE KNOWING HE WAS GOING TO CALL IN FOR OVERTIME THOUGH HE TOLD ME WHILE GIVING ME THE FLOWERS HE WAS NOT. HE GOT HIS SEX FOR THE NIGHT & THEN SAID I NEED TO SLEEP FOR A FEW HOURS I GOT TO GET TO WORK 11PM-730AM SAT & SUNDAY. I CAN ADD 2+2, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I WAS NOT OVER REACTING.

When I asked he told me that he wanted a bigger check? He could've done overtime any other time but he chose to do this when we had already other plans. Can someone help me understand this point of view.

Answer 1

The honey moons over. I married a man and we went to the movies prior to marriage. Never in 13 yrs did we go to the movies. Marriage ended and guess what. He finally went back to the theater to see what, yes a movie. Go figure, I think its a man thing. Good luck and tell him for his birthday its a girls night out!

Answer 2

First thing that came to my mind was, 'why did you marry this guy?' He hasn't taken you out since the FIRST DATE? huh?

Then I thought, 'well, maybe he's planning some kind of surprise for you next week...' but does that justify you feeling miserable on the weekend of your birthday?

He just might have his head up his A$$, or there's something going on that you don't know about. SPEAK UP and tell him how unhappy this makes you. If he gives you an argument then I'd say he's hiding something. Either way, you deserve much much better.

Answer 3

This Sux....and i mean its time u tell him how much it would help if he would atleast take special occassions seriously and think it would be great to celebrate together...even if it doesnt involve money or even just something u both would do together just so you both spend time together....but at the end of the day they just think tht women are born to just go on and on about everything....i just think if u always voice ur concern this time mayb just s ay it once tht it would have meant laot if your birthdya had been taken more seriously....cuz its only been 3 years since u both got married and it shouldnt be as dead as its looking .....and then just not say it again....mayb instead of what u always do just do the opposite of not saying it again....and dont try to blame him instead just say i understand work is important and we have money issues but i would have liked u to have just make my birthday special....one minute u are trying to make him understand u are concerned about what he says but at the same time make him feel guilty....Goodluck.....BTW HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL....and no matter what if he didnt do anything u should have spent the day with friends so u didnt feel as bummed and secondly he would have also realized she had fun without me...

Answer 4

Hes got alot to learn about being married. Surprised this would happen after youve already been married awhile...need to break him in a bit more perhaps.Either way you need to just forget about it and move on and keep it in the back of your mind. He made a huge mistake and hopefully he'll realize it. If he doesnt then if that kind of behavior happens in the future id address it and tell him you wont have any more of it. For now either he understands what he did if you talked to him or he doesnt get it.

Answer 5

Dont just go jumping to conclusions that your husband is cheating cause i dont think thats what it is.. from your story it seems that your financially struggling, and the way u put "and he bought it with my money" .. ur married, isnt what yours is his and his is yours.. ?? or is that only when it suits ur needs?? maybe he's feeling like your stripping him of his masculinity, and perhaps he feels that he is too.. cant seem to get it going financially, you and he never have money.. maybe he saw an opportunity to get extra hours to get extra money to make him feel like more of a man that can afford things for u, more then likely if he had to spend YOUR money on you , he probably felt like crap to the point that it messed with his head so badly of not feeling like a man that the only thing he could do to make him feel like hes getting somewhere is by working extra hours.. maybe he's tired of never having money.. Does it excuse him not taking care of your needs emotionally no.. it doesnt, because u need him emotionally then u do financially, but he's a man and he doesnt work on emotions like we do.. maybe he was embarrassed of not having his own money and thought he'd put off your bday celebration for another day when he has the xtra money to do something for u .. Like after his paycheck with this over time comes in.. cut him alittle slack sounds to me he is under ALOT of stress.. trying to do what he needs to as a man, trying to please u, please his job.. i bet if u actually sat down and talked to him ud find out hes very depressed and feels like he's being pulled in 100 directions all the time..

Answer 6

I would never do that ...in fact even when my wife and I didn't have any money we still did stuff together even if it was just to play a game of Scrabble.... I am away at school right now and I am missing her very much I ve been gone for only a week and she came out for the week end but I cant Wait to get home to see her in 3 more days..... so tel him he needs to shape up or get out

Answer 7

I am not sure why. There could a number of possible reasons. Perhaps he just not emotionally aware, perhaps you did not make it very clear to him that you wanted to spent the Saturday together and that it was important to you (then u should tell him about it), perhaps he just doesn't care about you, perhaps birthdays are not important to him and perhaps he just haven't any money, don't want to spend any money on this. It could also be something else.

Do try to communicate with him about this issue.

And by the way, Happy Birthday to you!

Answer 8

Sit your husband down and explain to him how he hurt your feelings. then tell him how lucky he is that he's not married to someone like me my husband still has to date me lol we go to dinner or a movie or whatever i want to do because he has been trained right from the start that i am a princess i will not be made to work if i choose to great if not great that it's his job to provide for me and make me happy.. Do not get me wrong we are far from being wealthy but spending time with me doesn't have to cost anything. between us we have 4 kids so i make sure he knows i have to be pampered... The fact that he hasn't taken you to a movie is aweful tell him how lucky is he to have someone that doesn't demand alot from him and you do not think it would have hurt him to treat you special on your birthday good luck

Answer 9

I hate when people put: xxxxxxxxxxxxx so. Theyre so dumb. But no, its not fair. You only wanted yourb day to be special. This guy doesnt really appriciate you. Y dont you write hima letter and talk to him. If that doesnt work, id stay with my mom for a couple of nights just so hed be serious.

Answer 10

leave his sorry *** then, i can understand if you need the money but hell, that should be a sacred day that you save to have with your partner, there are always certain days that i take off from work no fail, my daughters birthday, 3rd of july to watch fireworks with my daughter, and haloween to go trick or treating with her, i think i worked on my birthday, i don't remember, but leave his ***, unless he actually went to work so he can make some extra money so he can get you something nice, wait a couple of weeks to see what happens